Should I cancel my 40th birthday party 3 weeks before due date?

[Hardcoresoftie]

Hi there.
I'm finally unbelievably pregnant after forever and due 5 weeks after some final exams and 3 weeks after my big 4-0.
My question is should I continue organising the 40th party I had planned? I have no idea when baby will come, without being negative if all will be okay. I cant celebrate earlier than 3 weeks before as its exam time and wont get the dates until last minute ( mature degree student )
I cant do it early before exams because of covid regs being in place till March.
It feels to early to announce pregnancy (7 weeks) but I cant delay organising and inviting much longer.
Some background: similar to current trending thread DH has ruined many a birthday and we agreed rather than falling out over it, I would plan epic 40 and he would support it by being my uncomplaining lackey.
I realised low self worth made his dropping the ball on birthdays feel like I didnt matter. In other respects he is a rock, a delight and a hero.
Our wedding was really small and budget as I didnt feel worthy of the attention and I regret not doing the white wedding. Did my own hair and makeup and didnt have a hen party etc.
So I have been planning 40th in my head for over 5 years as part of saying I'm worth it.
I found my wedding day amazing in terms of the love and connection. I used to be a prof' dancer and husband and I danced into a sweaty heap. One best moments of my life and haven't had chance to be free like that in a 9 years since. but I was overwhelmed by the planning and high emotions and pretty exhausted and ill after. The plan this time was to be more organised, have help, be brave with the budget and put some downtime in between demanding things. I did my driving test the week before wedding and moved house week after. Never again.
I had planned a summer. It was going to be an all day event with afternoon tea and family stuff for the those with kids who were driving leading into some serious partying and dancing firepits food trucks in the early hours for us (formerly) childless
I would love to see everyone. It's the last time I will be able to do that type of thing.

However will I just be sat there exhausted, fat and tearful? I cant really dress up anymore as it summer anything fancy is uncomfortable even when not pregnant. I wont be dancing much and of course not drinking. Is it just silly to pour money into something I might need to cancel if I'm early.
Should I just be grateful I'm finally close to being a mum and let that birthday dream die?

OP this is your first, so you don’t have any experience of pregnancy. Why are you putting so much pressure on yourself? Concentrate on the baby and passing your exams for now. Plus we may not be back to normal by next Summer.

I remember being absolutely shattered in the last few weeks of pregnancy and wanting to rest before the incoming storm/lack of sleep. You can always have a big bash for your 50th.

Also having kids doesn’t automatically shutdown your social life. I was still going to gigs, bars, restaurants, holidays etc after having had the DC. Granted I had my DC slightly earlier than the norm by today’s standards so maybe had more energy?

“ The plan this time was to be more organised, have help, be brave with the budget and put some downtime in between demanding things. I did my driving test the week before wedding and moved house week after. Never again.”
Your words: never again. This time the demanding thing right after your party will be having a baby. It is more than a house move.

"It seems like quite a few years before parents have your hands free to plan a big party"

Only if you choose to be that type of parent. Chill out. We've travelled the world with kids from newborn and it's fine, organising a party is nothing.

But shouldn't you be more concerned about the covid and the fact that you would likely rather be isolating in 30 weeks time

Not quite I'm 7 weeks pregnant and unable to move out of bed because of covid breathing that I have been dismissed from hospital for and my brain still works and I'm BORED! before that unable to much due to fatigue and sickness and have a mountain of dull responsibilities piling up.....so I'm working through all the easier social things on my calendar whilst resting in order to clear them or cancel and give myself a low maintenance Christmas. And thanks to mumsnet I can move forward with rescheduling of the things confident it's a good decision.

@Medievalist

You're pregnant at 39 after ttc for a long time. You think you have covid. And you're this focused on a birthday party?

I am this focused on a party for a few hours whilst sounding it out to mumsnetters. Im bed ridden with movement induced breathing problems and bored and cant read, sleep, study or watch COVID based T.V programming any longer. What should I be doing more profitably in your opinion? Worrying about covid is pretty low on my list. My priorities are fine thankyou. It matters to me and the payments due and I have time to hear some peoples thoughts and make a good decision whilst isolating. Then I will move on. Thanks to those who said what their experience was of partys/ and or 37 weeks due as it's so helpful. You can keep you incredulity and judgement.

Why are the test results taking so long when you've been to hospital and can't even move out of bed or read?! Get them chased up!

When I mentioned being more worried about covid, I meant in 30 weeks time. Why would you try to have a big gathering and risk getting ill?

@myhobbyisouting

Why are the test results taking so long when you've been to hospital and can't even move out of bed or read?! Get them chased up!

When I mentioned being more worried about covid, I meant in 30 weeks time. Why would you try to have a big gathering and risk getting ill?

or risking other peoples lives with an illness they might have not had... god knows when we'll be able to meet 30 again ....

Congratulations on your pregnancy, but I think PPs are right to say delaying any decisions is a good idea.

If I think about it, on my various due dates I’ve been at all kinds of stages. 16 weeks pregnant, 19 weeks pregnant, 40 weeks pregnant, 1 week post partum and breastfeeding, not pregnant.

It’s tough not to know what the future holds right now, hang in there and decide closer to the time.

Also think about it from your guests point of view - if covid is still a “thing” in the summer, I would want to go to a party.

My “50 with experience” party will also be our 21/22/2? Wedding anniversary party, having not been able to celebrate our 20th earlier this year. He’ll, we’ll make a day/weekend of it and throw in the DC’s 10th and 13th birthdays.

Thing is, apart from Rita Ora and people with Jan/Feb birthdays, no one has had a party this year.

• I would NOT want to go to a party

@myhobbyisouting

Why are the test results taking so long when you've been to hospital and can't even move out of bed or read?! Get them chased up!

When I mentioned being more worried about covid, I meant in 30 weeks time. Why would you try to have a big gathering and risk getting ill?

Not 'cant read anymore' I mean: 'cant read any more than have already'! Much less serious.

It wasnt a big gathering in terms of numbers, it was big in terms of making sure people were well taken care of as guests if they had hundreds of miles to travel and it was an experience.

Testing is taking long as I did my own drive thru test. Because I had doctor 1 at A&E who examined me as it wasnt asthma its covid as my temp was 37.5 and refused a nebuliser.
doctor 2 who sat me down in minor covid ward for testing
doctor 3 who walked me our of chairs before I could be tested with no explanation into a boiling hot acute covid ward without a word through door with big red- do not cross !- sign with seriously sick people on trolleys coughing and groaning ( I can just about walk and talk normally ) and left me there to await admission even though covid wasnt confirmed ....so I told them I would wait outside the door.
Doctor 4 who told me I didnt have a temp as I was only 37.9, even though it was higher than 37.5 which the other doctor called a temp.
Doctor 5 in the 5th ward said I might need a nebulizer as it wasnt asthma even though they didnt examine me. He disappeared came back 2 hours later without a nebuliser with results of a clean blood test and discharged me on the spot. I asked for a covid test and they said you refused to stay overnight so we wont do one.

I had been there alone for 8 hours its was 1am and only persuaded to go to hospital at all to check it wasnt a clot. One doctor mistook me for a GP, I saw a man discharged on the wrong name. one doctor said 'covid is no big deal' and that I wouldnt catch it overnight on a ward full of confirmed cases, another nurse said I was a putting others at risk even sitting in the corridor as if I had it could pass it to other people.

Decided to make it simple and take walk my 7 week pregnant asthmatic self out of that madness and self isolate until it blows over.

Probably FYI, but I'm a little cagey about covid melodrama after 8 hours of contradictions. Everyone has an intense opinion but none of it adds up.
The thread isnt about COVID and my friends and family have all had it or dont care or are sick of the nonsense. It's their choice to attend a party if there are no legal restrictions on groups of 30.
But it's not going ahead anyway as I have learnt that most 37 weekers dont want to or couldn't have had a party or had the baby. The rest are super women and I am not!

Oooookaaay - good luck with it all

Referring to your first post, why would cancelling mean you have to announce the pregnancy?

You can just quietly cancel the venue now, you don't need to tell the guests it's cancelled/postponed until after your 12 week scan. Apologies if this offends but people will really not be planning their lives around a birthday party 7 months in the future at this stage, particularly not in the current circumstances.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm 40 in march & have already decided to move any 40th celebrations to the summer so that hopefully covid restrictions would have gone and the weather is nicer! Just move your celebrations to later in the year as you most definitely will be too tired/fed up/hormonal to enjoy your party at 37 weeks.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you're able to have a celebration later in the year. As you regretted not having a big wedding why don't you renew your vows for your 10th. Excuse for a lovely dress and celebration which would be all about you, you could also christen or have a naming celebration for the baby.

@Felifox

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you're able to have a celebration later in the year. As you regretted not having a big wedding why don't you renew your vows for your 10th. Excuse for a lovely dress and celebration which would be all about you, you could also christen or have a naming celebration for the baby.

I do like this idea and it had crossed my mind. I had a registry office secular wedding, hated God and Christians and came to faith after marriage. I would love a church blessing before God but it would only happen if DH was up for it and it's not something I put on him nor something I would want him to symbolically do just to please me. And renewing vows seems to trigger divorce if real housewives is anything to go by though.. and it probably isnt.!