Cheeky SIL spoiling niece. Opinion?

[MariaK91]

So, before DH could think about what to buy our 6mo niece for Xmas, SIL messaged me with a list of things we 'could' buy her & to let her know when we've bought one of the items so she could inform everyone else. We hadn't asked her for ideas, it was out of the blue and SIL didn't wait or ask if we'd bought anything yet or had some ideas.

Bear in mind niece is 6 mo and isn't crawling yet, the things on the list were stuff I don't think a 6 mo can use...e.g. rocking horse, swing, slide. It's not cheap stuff either! Ideas are really helpful but I think it's a bit cheeky sending out lists of expensive stuff we're 'allowed' to buy! Anyways, we got this rocking horse, but the age recommendation is 2/3y+ so it seems a waste of money that's just going to sit around not being used for years when we could have got something more age appropriate. Just buying things for the sake of it really.

I was wondering what other peoples thoughts are because I think SIL is using everyone to spoil her. It's her baby ofc she can do what she wants but it got me thinking that I would really value teaching a child what it means to want something, wait for it and appreciate receiving it, but how does a child learn that if they already have everything before they know if they even want it? What do other people with kids think? I desperately want a child and was looking forward to building a relationship here but it feels a bit artificial SIL dictating what we 'have' to buy. I'm gutted niece wont open this present and get really excited about it because she is still a baby, and that's the best thing about buying children presents is how crazy excited they get and grateful they are.... It's not my business really but what do other people think?

Am I alone here that I don’t have a problem buying a gift for a tiny baby that isn’t age appropriate?

I never buy age appropriate baby gifts. It’s usually stuff for when they are a bit older. They grow out of stuff so fast at that age.

That's a really pricey present that won't be used for awhile. And might be forgotten about by the time it's age appropriate. Do you think your SiL is the type to sell it?

In future if SiL does this (as in, next couple of years, not when your niece is old enough to express an opinion for herself) I'd just say thanks but present is sorted, even if it isn't, and choose your own. I usually try to buy from lists and give presents I know are wanted but just occasionally I put my foot down if I feel pressured or that someone is taking the piss. Get a toy or a babygro or something.

DPs niece will be 3.5 months for Christmas. No expectation to get her anything but I've got her a rather nice blanket. I spent slightly more than I should've but it's one I hope she can keep as she grows, they've had a tough couple of months so it's something extra for her mum to open and hopefully it'll help Sil out and be useful - it's more for her than the baby!

I can see extreme drama In the future😂😂

Your sister in law is pushy, and your response is really quite dramatic. It’s a baby. You aren’t teaching it anything, spoiling it or otherwise damaging its character.

If you don’t want to buy the damn rocking horse, don’t buy it. You can stop this before it begins.

However I did buy my nice this rocking horse years ago. She payed with it for about five years, and now her cousin has it, best £25 I ever spent.

www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/outdoor/rocking-horses/little-tikes-rocking-horse-magenta/p/102684?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=surfaces_across_google&gclid=CjwKCAiAwrf-BRA9EiwAUWwKXusOsWWBIxP5boKxZnd5BMsvQOm42VZQsbWL1-P3ElWKNNaS6qnJmBoCovkQAvD_BwE

on the bright side, if she's amassed things now for up to say - four years - she's sorted and won't have any more lists for a while.

@emilybrontescorsett

I can't get past the fact she bought you a BAUBLE and asked for a rocking horse!!! Wow.

Haha! Before the baubal and bath bomb exchange we didn't even do presents so it was a bit of a surprise to me that suddenly things ramped up without any warning!

And everyone who is asking me why we bought the horse if we're annoyed by it, I can't really explain why, it was just a bit of shock and delayed reaction I guess. The rocking horse was the cheapest thing on the list so we just thought oh crp buy the cheapest thing (£40) she told me she wanted to give us first dibs so we had to get something quick and it just made me panic like it was a race! And they keep pitting me against the other aunt and I'm torn between not wanting to be the crp aunt and being really cross that they're making it a competition. I just felt a lot of pressure and didn't react sensibly. Obviously we now wish we hadn't bought it but I just have this thing where I panic react and then think 'why didn't I say something' later. Now she's asking for experience days for her and her hub and she wants us to buy her a bike seat for the baby to put on her bike it's just never ending. We've literally never spent this much on each other I have no idea how it's snowballing out of control! When she asked me what I wanted I said Imperial Leather bath bubbles which are like £1 a bottle or some balls of pretty coloured yarn for crocheting which are like £2 a ball. I thought that might be a subtle way of bringing her back down to earth but it did not work. I'm just really not good at reacting to social situations in the moment. :/

There must be more to this?

Your sister in law is asking you to buy her experience days And a bike seat?

Laugh and tell her to wise up.

It seems very, very odd.

I find things I can afford/think they will like then send parents the screenshot of item and ask if this is ok appropriate.

Well you've bought the thing now and told her, so you can't really go back on it this year, but I definitely wouldn't buy presents for the adults. Just be upfront and say that you need to stay within budget. I would suggest to her that adults don't need to exchange presents and in future just buy your own gift for the baby and put in a gift receipt.