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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do I do? Is he cheating?

73 replies

Fifegal · 07/12/2020 16:06

Hello all! Hope your all enjoying the run up to xmas with the little ones.

Wasn’t going to post because this is a bit of a negative one, but when my mum was in the supermarket the other day, some guy went up to her and told her he had some news about my partner. He went to show mum a picture of my OH kissing a woman. He said he hasn’t told me because he didn’t want to upset me and he’s a friend but not that close and wanted the family to make the decision. He wouldn’t give his name but said he needed to get it off his conscience.

Mum told me that it was definitely my OH in the picture and it was a recent photo because he got a tattoo in it.

I confronted my OH straight away and he of course said it’s a load of rubbish (which most would say).

My only thing is, would you trust someone without knowing who they are for sure and why did he have a picture of them kissing?

OP posts:
Mintlegs · 07/12/2020 16:12

I would want to see the picture myself I think. Has your partner given you any reason to not trust him?

Simplyunacceptable · 07/12/2020 16:14

I’d also have to see the photo myself. If the tattoo is quite distinctive then there isn’t really any other possible explanation, he has at least kissed another woman and has been caught in the act.

Strangedayindeed · 07/12/2020 16:16

Did he send your mum
The pic!?

Original poster
Fifegal · 07/12/2020 16:17

There’s no way of seeing the photo because I’m still not sure who the guy is. Mum said the photo is as guilty as can be but it’s my decision. Mum was broken because she loves him a lot too.

I got told a year ago that he was cheating but there was never any evidence so I thought it was a horrible rumour x

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 07/12/2020 16:19

What was his explanation of the kiss?

HollowTalk · 07/12/2020 16:21

I don't understand. Who is the man who went up to your mum? How did he know she was related to you?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/12/2020 16:21

I got told a year ago that he was cheating but there was never any evidence so I thought it was a horrible rumour

Well this is damning, isn't it? You've been told twice he is cheating. Where there's smoke there's quite often fire. I think you may need to take the blinders off.

Crystal87 · 07/12/2020 16:28

I would wonder what was in it for him to make something up like that.

Original poster
Fifegal · 07/12/2020 16:28

Because he’s apparently a friend and knows who my mum is.

That’s what I’m thinking but with covid etc, he’s barely left the house so wondered how he could?

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 07/12/2020 16:30

Your mum saw a picture and it definitely him. I don't think it can get any more conclusive than that, unless someone with a degree in photoshop is desperate to split you up

JillofTrades · 07/12/2020 16:35

So it has happened twice. That's quite a coincidence. If your mum saw and confirmed it is him especially with the tattoo then I would believe it.

Original poster
Fifegal · 07/12/2020 16:35

I’m not questioning the evidence because its concrete but I’m questioning the motive and would you throw your wedding away for a situation of someone told this person without catching your partner in the act yourself? We are due to get married in a matter of months and have spent a lot of money!

OP posts:
OzziePopPop · 07/12/2020 16:39

You’ll spend a lot more getting divorced... be sure!

Aquamarine1029 · 07/12/2020 16:41

Going ahead with a wedding due to the money spent is literally the worst decision ever. The money is gone, wedding or not. Don't be foolish enough to marry a cheater.

lyingwanker · 07/12/2020 16:41

Don't fall for the "sunken costs fallacy". Do not tie yourself to a liar and a cheat. This bloke must know you fairly well to know who your mum and partner are mustn't he? It's not like he could've made the photograph without any knowledge of your family and relationship. I've chosen to believe my husband in situations like this. Take my advice.....DONT BELIEVE HIM. There's no smoke without fire and this is 2 separate occasions and 2 separate people now.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 07/12/2020 16:44

Nah two coincidences is two to many for me - how long have you been together?

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 07/12/2020 16:44

& how recent is the tattoo?

EmptyOrchestra · 07/12/2020 16:46

How much will the divorce cost?

After two accusations and your mum seeing evidence, i would be done. Funnily enough the only partner I’ve ever had who’s been accused of cheating was cheating - none of the others have or were. It’s not normal for there to be people accusing your partner of cheating, unless he has a very IT literate stalker who then sent a photo to a random man who stalked your mum to Sainsbury’s.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2020 16:46

So twice someone’s told you he is cheating, now with irrefutable proof and you still don’t believe it? Does he need to do it in front of you?

She’s your mum. If she says it was him and it was guilty believe her.

Why are you staying with a man you know is cheating on you before you even get married?

maybemu · 07/12/2020 16:46

Just to check I've understood this right you've been told twice he's cheating on you and your still wondering. Why would two completely separate people a year apart say this. He also had evidence your mum has seen and you still wonder? He would have had his stuff packed at the door. I wouldn't even be giving him chance to explain. He will lie to you.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2020 16:47

@Fifegal

I’m not questioning the evidence because its concrete but I’m questioning the motive and would you throw your wedding away for a situation of someone told this person without catching your partner in the act yourself? We are due to get married in a matter of months and have spent a lot of money!
Yes. If my mum said it was him and he was guilty I’d believe her and end it. Without a shadow of a doubt.
EmmaGrundyForPM · 07/12/2020 16:47

Who told you about the first occasion? Could it be the same friend who spoke to your mum?
I'd go back to.the person who originally told you and ask for more info or proof.

JillofTrades · 07/12/2020 16:47

Why would you go through with a wedding only to inevitably Divorce in a few years. Why put yourself through that. You have evidence, just because you didn't see it yourself doesnt mean it didn't happen. Don't do this to yourself.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2020 16:47

@EmmaGrundyForPM

Who told you about the first occasion? Could it be the same friend who spoke to your mum? I'd go back to.the person who originally told you and ask for more info or proof.
How much more prooof is required other than a pic?
Monkeypeas · 07/12/2020 16:48

Do you have social media? In this instance I would be going through every bloke I and my DP was connected to with my mum to see if she recognised supermarket man.

Or post on your wall but block DP from seeing it and just say “can the male friend who spoke to my mum in Asda please message me?”

FYI if this is the 2nd time you’ve been told he’s a cheater then he’s a cheater.
I literally know no one who has made up rumours like that just for a laugh or by mistake.

For your mum to be approached it’s highly likely your DP is a prolific cheater and it’s better to know now than after the wedding