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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What do I do? Is he cheating?

73 replies

Fifegal · 07/12/2020 16:06

Hello all! Hope your all enjoying the run up to xmas with the little ones.

Wasn’t going to post because this is a bit of a negative one, but when my mum was in the supermarket the other day, some guy went up to her and told her he had some news about my partner. He went to show mum a picture of my OH kissing a woman. He said he hasn’t told me because he didn’t want to upset me and he’s a friend but not that close and wanted the family to make the decision. He wouldn’t give his name but said he needed to get it off his conscience.

Mum told me that it was definitely my OH in the picture and it was a recent photo because he got a tattoo in it.

I confronted my OH straight away and he of course said it’s a load of rubbish (which most would say).

My only thing is, would you trust someone without knowing who they are for sure and why did he have a picture of them kissing?

OP posts:

WithTheJonses · 07/12/2020 17:33

Fuck!!!! I'd get your mum to look at all your fb friends to see if she recognises anyone

Plastichearts · 07/12/2020 17:34

It’s relevant because the story all round is very odd. A photo of an affair couple kissing and a new tattoo on show, presented by ‘some guy’ to the op’s mother in a supermarket .

berrygirlie · 07/12/2020 17:35

If the mum can pick him out in a Facebook lineup though, it's not very anonymous. I think I'd just bite the bullet and tell OP, or if I wanted to be very discrete I'd send the photo in the mail. Seems a bit odd to confront something like that in a very public place on an unsuspecting person and call it "wanting the family to make a decision".

But anyway I digress! Going through your social media with your mum seems like a good idea. Can you trust your mum, and is she good with faces?

coconuttyhead · 07/12/2020 18:03

@WithTheJonses

Fuck!!!! I'd get your mum to look at all your fb friends to see if she recognises anyone

Agree! Surely you can do a bit of guess work on who it might be - it’s a bit odd that he is that invested in this that he would go up to a non-close friends mum in the supermarket and show her this though, they have obviously never met and would therefore be strangers. A very bold thing to do. Obviously seriously dislikes your OH.

berrygirlie · 07/12/2020 18:05

How does he know who your mum is if they've never met before?
Have you send him photos of her previously, because if not it would suggest to me that he's on your social media.

Either way, something seems odd in this story

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2020 18:07

Why do you think he’s a non close friend? As adults all my friends haven’t met my parents, I find it odd the concept. However the person obvs knew this was the ops mum. So either the mum knows exactly who it was, and is protecting the person, or the person recognised her due to the ops social media.

I’d assume the mum knows who it is and is protecting them, because it’s not about the friend, it’s about the cheating.

When it gets to the stage even your mum knows he’s cheating on you, you need to act.

BillMasen · 07/12/2020 18:10

@occa

Goodness what more proof do you need? Yes, of course he's cheating! And it must be pretty blatant if more than one person has told you.

Why on earth would you even consider staying with him?

Yes what more proof could you possibly need than a photo you haven’t seen, showed by someone you don’t know.

Blimey

MegaClutterSlut · 07/12/2020 18:23

I would absolutely throw away the wedding if my mum had seen a pic of my bf cheating, why is that not good enough for you? I wouldn't want to waste one more second of my life with a lying cheating arsehole .DO NOT MARRY HIM

KatieGGGG · 07/12/2020 18:28

@BillMasen no, but a photo identified as him by my mum, with an identifying recent tattoo, with someone close enough to know my family, and the second of such accusation over the space of a year would perhaps do it for me.

TheSpottedZebra · 07/12/2020 18:33

....Or your mum wants you to know, but she didn't know how to tell you so fabricated the story with the picture?

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 07/12/2020 18:33

Defo a cheat. Why would someone waste their time trying to perfectly fake a photo of your partner with someone else. No one. Big girl boots on OP.

HopeAndDriftWood · 07/12/2020 18:35

would you throw your wedding away for a situation of someone told this person without catching your partner in the act yourself? We are due to get married in a matter of months and have spent a lot of money!

Yes. And I say that as someone who recently got married. It’ll be cheaper than a divorce.

You’ve got a low, low bar if you need to catch him in the act to consider him a cheat.

And he’s got a low, low amount of respect for you if he tells you it’s a “load of rubbish” when you’ve been told twice that he’s cheating, once with evidence that your own mum can verify.

And it doesn’t even seem that he’s cheating discretely, a lot of people seem to know...

Who the person was would bother me but not as much as getting rid of a cheating fiancé with no respect for me.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 07/12/2020 18:36

Yea I wouldn't marry someone that's been caught cheating OP..... You should probably get a health check.

ISpeakJive · 07/12/2020 18:37

Is that coffee i can smell? It looks like its time to wake up!

DuzzyFuck · 07/12/2020 18:37

I haven't had chance to read the full thread OP but I'm just here to say DON'T MARRY HIM no matter the money that's already gone into it.

Been there, done that, biggest mistake I've ever made.

tensmum1964 · 07/12/2020 22:27

As hard as it will be you need to finish the relationship before anymore money, time or energy is spent. Its very clear from the previous accusation and current photographic evidence that he is a cheater. I think if you dig deep down you will admit that you already know this.

CarolinaWeeper · 08/12/2020 08:55

@Bluntness100 is right. If your partner came to you and said someone had a photo of you kissing another person and you hadn't done it you wouldn't rest until you got to the bottom of it, you'd be contacting the mum, trying to hunt down the person with the alleged photo. You absolutely would not say "rubbish" and just leave it.

Newkitchen123 · 08/12/2020 09:17

[quote CarolinaWeeper]@Bluntness100 is right. If your partner came to you and said someone had a photo of you kissing another person and you hadn't done it you wouldn't rest until you got to the bottom of it, you'd be contacting the mum, trying to hunt down the person with the alleged photo. You absolutely would not say "rubbish" and just leave it.[/quote]
Absolutely!

Misskittyfantastico85 · 08/12/2020 11:39

You're not married, now is the time to get out. Before you spend more money on a divorce.

BigFatLiar · 08/12/2020 11:45

If he's cheating then that's it time for him to go.

If he isn't then perhaps he should go and find someone else.

HollowTalk · 08/12/2020 12:08

Ask your mum to ask this friend for a copy of the photo. That's the only way you're going to believe this.

Purplecatshopaholic · 08/12/2020 12:11

Good grief, for goodness sake don’t marry him! You’ll spend more money getting divorced when he does it again, and you will be miserable throughout!

nitsandwormsdodger · 08/12/2020 12:35

Yes if my partner came home with that news AND I WAS INNOCENT I would not stop until I got all the who , where , why
Only a guilty cheat would brush it off and not mention it again

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