To not bother with “friend”

[Purplelemon7]

Who hasn’t ever made any effort to see my two kids who were born over the last few years but wants me to come over for dinner with my DH now to see her new place? She was a close friend and lives 20 mins away from me and doesn’t hate kids or anything. Sent me messages to congratulate me on their births and said she would let me know when she could visit both times but never did. My eldest is going to be two soon.

An open invitation is not a real invitation in my book

It’s a pleasantry, a politeness

Saying “we’d love to see you, do you want to come for dinner Next Saturday At 8” is an invitation

Saying “we’d love to see you any time” is a nice thing to say but not an actual invitation

To get cross that they never took it literally is strange

An open invitation is not a real invitation in my book

Did you read the texts OP sent to her friend, @Pikachubaby ? She was trying to fix a date, the friend wouldn’t respond.

@Emsicle24 Thank you for sharing your perspective. I will definitely take on board what you have said.

@BiBabbles It wasn’t really the type of support you’re describing but if it was you’re right that would be something to weight up against the not visiting. I mentioned that I was struggling when we did the exchange of how are yous and she expressed that it must be so hard or something along those lines. I didn’t expect anything more though because I know she hasn’t experienced it and it would unreasonable to expect anything more than for her to have maybe checked in with me again later

YANBU, when you've had a major life event (like having a baby) a good friend makes an effort to see you and said baby, that should go without saying! Even if the friend did hate babies she should have thrown them a cursory glance for your sake.

Some people go weird when their friends have DC, I had it with one of my oldest friends. She didn't see me the same way at all, even though I was always up for meeting like normal (as in not with the DC) and I very rarely talk about my DC when socializing, she still stopped making an effort. It was quite hurtful actually as I was struggling with two DC 14 months apart, my marriage was breaking down and I really wanted my friend but she was shit.

We're still in contact and she started to make a bit more effort when I returned to work?! But it's definitely not the same nor will it be. Just one of those things. Some people hate change.