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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that I haven't saved this much for DC?

64 replies

floraturtle · 06/12/2020 23:06

Was helping a friend fill out forms applying for bursaries for an independent school.
They asked about savings and she wrote (and said to me, wasn't watching over her shoulders) that her DS and DD have £46,000 in savings - at the age of 11 and 8.
It made me feel like a massive failure as my DC have 3 figures between them both, aged 4 and 2 - I'm just feeling a bit sad that I know even by the time my DC will be 11 and 8 we would probably still be in the lower end of 4 figures at best in terms of their savings - as we still need to buy a home.

YABU - You're probably better off than most

YANBU - It's better to think of DCs future

OP posts:
sofiaaaaaa · 06/12/2020 23:08

I would say that is above average and therefore unattainable for most, so try not to dwell on it or aspire to keep up

nimbuscloud · 06/12/2020 23:09

How are they eligible for bursaries if they have that amount in savings??

timeisnotaline · 06/12/2020 23:10

Maybe I don’t understand what a bursary is- but why would a child with near £50K in savings be awarded one?
That’s a lot op. We are comfortably off and own our home (well the bank does) and don’t have any savings in their name! Hasn’t bothered me.

ineedaholidaynow · 06/12/2020 23:11

Have they put all the family money in to children's savings account so they can get bursaries and not pay school fees?

BackforGood · 06/12/2020 23:11

The voting isn't there, but of course you are being ridiculous.

SuitableWoman · 06/12/2020 23:11

Don’t feel sad, we all have different circumstances and there is no reason to compare.

It’s more important for your children to be in a stable happy home. Saving towards your home is more important than a fund for the kids at the moment.

thepeopleversuswork · 06/12/2020 23:12

As others have said I doubt they'll be entitled to bursaries if she has that much in savings.

It's definitely well above the level of savings most people have for their children so I wouldn't feel too bad about it.

NoSquirrels · 06/12/2020 23:12

YABU. If they can afford private school (even with applying for a bursary) then they are in a completely different wealth bracket to most people.

Families who can afford independent school can afford to save when their children are young and they're not paying school fees.

Your financial future is more important than your children's, because they have longer to make their own money - and luck. So save for a house, pay into your pension, and bring up your children. They don't need a pot of cash, they need your love, attention, commitment and security, and I'm sure you'll have all that in abundance.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Don't let anyone steal your joy.

Possums4evr · 06/12/2020 23:12

Mine are that age and I have about 2,500 each. That's all from birthday money. We need to save for ourselves prior to saving for the dc. If you're able to get a house that's really positive.
Surely the fact they were applying for a private school would give you a hint they would be well off?

Dustballs · 06/12/2020 23:13

I was left money by a relative at the age of 20. It was about the sum you've mentioned. This - along with other factors gave me a reason to be lazy and to stop striving.

I look back and know that prior to being given this large sum of money I was raring to go and save for my future. But suddenly I couldn't see the point of earning good money when at such a young age I had such a large sum.

It meant I wasted a large part of my early adulthood which I'll never get back in terms of opportunities.

FirmlyRooted · 06/12/2020 23:13

Plenty of adults don't have that kind of money in savings, I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like an awful lot for primary aged children

Cam2020 · 06/12/2020 23:13

I think that's quite an unusual and privileged position your friend's children are in!

Embracelife · 06/12/2020 23:14

Her dc caN pay for their education. They dont need bursary
This isnt the norm op

JamieLeeCurtains · 06/12/2020 23:15

That doesn't make sense.

Theotherrudolph · 06/12/2020 23:15

I realise this isn’t your point but her kids have £46k in savings (let alone the parents) and she’s applying for a bursary?! Unless there’s some backstory where she was widowed and they have trust fund inheritances from their father or something that’s very unusual.

Most children don’t have anything like that kind of money, if any at all, and are perfectly fine and happy. I’d just forget about it. Comparison being the thief of joy and all that.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 06/12/2020 23:17

DD has about £1000 to her name at 11. I save what I can into my own savings for emergency and holidays which she benefits from. If I'm in a position to save more in the future I will but won't most of that money end up paying for uni in a few years anyway if they go.
I can't imagine she'll get much in the way of a bursary with that tucked away. It is probably more than the average person has, it works out as £80 a week from birth to age 11, it could have come from inheritance or wealthy family members, it's not necessarily money the parents have personally contributed. .

Racoonworld · 06/12/2020 23:21

That’s a lot of money for their ages. I hope they don’t get a bursary and it goes to someone who doesn’t have that kind of money. I save for my baby every month but there’s no way she’ll have anywhere near that at age 11.

purpleme12 · 06/12/2020 23:28

Oh for god's sake come on this is a huge amount of savings
There's no way you can't know this
So what if your really young children only have 3 figures between them?! (Which for all we know could be almost £1000 already so could easily be a lot more when they get to the same age as your friend's kids)
They're 4 and 2 and there is nothing to say that anyone's failed for not having a stupid amount of savings in the bank!

KindKylie · 06/12/2020 23:31

I'd feel quite uncomfortable about bursaries going to families in that sort of financially privileged position tbh.

We don't save regularly for ours and have a small extended family who don't make give money as gifts either so ours have their child trust fund thingies and not much else.

I'm not remotely worried about it as I certainly never received or expected money from my parents. I prioritise giving my children a safe and comfortable home and experiences and opportunities now over squirreling away for when they can earn their own money! I hope that by gradually paying our mortgage off and staying otherwise debt free now, that we will be in a position to support our dc through uni and training etc and to help with driving lessons, but I don't feel under pressure to produce large lump sums.

Original poster
floraturtle · 06/12/2020 23:33

Thanks for the comments - I was a bit taken aback but given that she was applying for a bursary (which now I'm guessing she most likely won't qualify for) I genuinely really did not know if it was the norm or that they are just better off so thanks to many who has clarified it's the latter. Comparison is the thief of joy is a good quote here from PP. thank you.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 06/12/2020 23:34

Sounds like clever accounting.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/12/2020 23:35

46k and she wants a bursary? If you can save that much, you can pay school fees.

thosetalesofunexpected · 06/12/2020 23:36

Hi op..

I just don't get it,
how on earth is she entitled to a bursery like that with kind of amount of savings then?
Is there something else which is relavent to this thread,? are not telling us about??
As its not making sense to me

Leaannb · 06/12/2020 23:40

@floraturtle

Thanks for the comments - I was a bit taken aback but given that she was applying for a bursary (which now I'm guessing she most likely won't qualify for) I genuinely really did not know if it was the norm or that they are just better off so thanks to many who has clarified it's the latter. Comparison is the thief of joy is a good quote here from PP. thank you.
Whats normal for one family will not be normal for another family. Don't play the game of comparing families. You will always fall short in your own eyes.You love your children and to be providing them with everything they need. Prioritize buying a home then you can worry about saving for them. BTW...She will never get approved for bursary with amount of savings
TooTrueToBeGood · 06/12/2020 23:41

Most adults don't have that much in savings. Why are you judging your position by the standards of someone who is very clearly not in the same financial league as either yourself or the average family? It all sounds a bit over dramatic to be honest.

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