To feel sad that I haven't saved this much for DC?

[floraturtle]

Was helping a friend fill out forms applying for bursaries for an independent school.
They asked about savings and she wrote (and said to me, wasn't watching over her shoulders) that her DS and DD have £46,000 in savings - at the age of 11 and 8.
It made me feel like a massive failure as my DC have 3 figures between them both, aged 4 and 2 - I'm just feeling a bit sad that I know even by the time my DC will be 11 and 8 we would probably still be in the lower end of 4 figures at best in terms of their savings - as we still need to buy a home.

YABU - You're probably better off than most

YANBU - It's better to think of DCs future

It's not saving though is it. Unless they've been getting 2k a month in pocket money there's no way they've saved this on their own.

It's inheritance, or now that I think about it a possible high interest savings account for the parents to avoid tax.

From my recollection of the bursary assessments we've been through, yes details of children's savings, including child trust funds / junior ISAs are asked for. If a family looks eligible for a bursary but the children have very high savings like this, they will probably be asked how those savings have come about (eg, gifts from grandparents over several years, or from a one-off inheritance?). The answers to that question will influence decision making. The forms we've filled in include questions about the grandparents' ability to contribute. (In fact, I think one form asked "explain why the grandparents can't assist further" or words to that effect).

Our teenagers have significant savings via grandparents contributions - but were they accessible they'd represent less than a year's fees for one of them in total. Not as much as the OPs friend! Our own savings have been pretty precisely factored in to our bursary assessments and are due to run out before the youngest finishes. I'm trying to increase my own income and fully expect that, if successful, the 75% bursary from one school will be reduced. I won't begrudge paying the extra if that happens - the education and opportunities DS is getting there are phenomenal. Hopefully in years to come we will do what my own parents did at my school - continue to donate what we can when we can.

So I'd like to reassure people that yes, independent school bursaries can represent a fair process. Yes, people with significant income and savings can still be eligible for substantial bursaries at schools they could not afford otherwise. Yes people with much lower incomes and no savings can send their children to these schools too.

No child savings here
That is a crazy amount ?
Why would you compare yourself and feel sad to something so extreme

My dog has four legs doesn't make me sad that only have 2

4 years of nursery cost be 50k so I suppose if I put that in savings and got my ( non existent parents / parents in law to do it for free) I could have that in savings ???

Are you Rooney ?
Was she showing off
Who does these forms with someone over their shoulder!?
Especially someone who puts it online
You are not close enough to keep her financial confidence so why was she sharing
I think she wanted it she read around

YABU just look on the Argus website... many people have to put their kids Christmas presents on credit.

Your friend is exceptionally well off. You may move in circles that normalise that. In which case I honestly suggest making friends with others with a more average income bracket.

I can’t help wondering why she asked you to help her fill in the form? Do your DC have bursaries and she wanted help with the wording?

Thats the equivalent of earning around £65k a year.

Bursary?! I hope the parents aren’t entitled to any help towards education, people who can afford it should pay, help should be reserved for those who actually need it.

Children don’t need big bank accounts, they need love, care and quality time with their parents.

My DC have nothing like that, maybe a few hundred!

They might have been left the money in trust by a grandparent or relative?

You don’t know how she came by the money. My DS and DSD just had a £5k boost each to their savings because their brother, my DS2, was stillborn in the summer. DH and I claimed on our life insurance as a way for DS2 to give a nice gift to his siblings.

The money could have come from anywhere. Don’t overthink it.

@SimonJT it isn’t though is it ? They haven’t for 48k a year they have 48k over 11 years which could be from many many different things.

Wow that's a huge amount - I thought we were being quite good!

I don't spend a penny of the child benefit, I put every single penny and a bit more into premium bonds every month
I have 2 children so get £140 so we top it up with £30 from me and £30 from my partner and so we save £100 a month for each of them so by the time they are 18, they will have
£1200 a year x 18 = £21,600
One of the accounts won £1000 last year too as it also works as a raffle and so I divided that between them and if they get Birthday or Christmas money and they don't particularly need anything, I put that in too.

We definitely couldn't afford to do anymore!!

I've also done a savings tin each for them this year which is basically money I have made from selling secondhand stuff! I did it last year and it worked really well so we've done it again. £5 here and there for old clothes and toys soon adds up. I'd previously put all my carboot money in there too but obviously not done any this year.

https://www.playpennies.com/features/the-playpennies-1p-saving-challenge-169894

It's hard when friends seem to be doing this and you feel like that but we all just have to do our best

That is a lot of money op as everyone else has pointed out. We are very comfortable but DS has 'only' £10k in his accounts aged 14.

And I agree with what @TheMethodicalMeerkat says that some people can forget what hell they've had. I come from a working class background and while I'm glad DS has a better childhood than mine- no way am I handing over huge sums to support him as an adult -I want him to work for stuff. He's already got a leg op by going to a good school and we'll find uni.

On the bursary point, not all schools ask about kids savings. The form my friend fills in (I help like you op) doesn't ask - just wants the parents' details. They perhaps should looking at the huge sums your friend has saved!!

Tbh I think unless you are very wealthy there is little value in saving that much for children. I would rather spend that money on giving them a nice home and life while they're young.