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Original poster

BF dozed off and mumbled about his prof's name during intimacy

71 replies

questionzzz · 06/12/2020 20:04

So Saturday morning, staying over at bf's place, cuddling kinda late morning, cuddling becomes more intimate and closer, I'm mumbling some inane sex talk and all that, and bf mumbles in response "I think that's the way she spells her name".
So I look at his face, yup, he's dozing with his fingers in me, and he's stressing and talking about an assignment (he's doing his MA) he had submitted last night, and the proper way to spell his prof's name on the title page.
We kinda laugh it off but I get progressively more upset- a/ I didn't initiate the sexy stuff, if he is so tired that he's falling asleep why was stimulating me? 2/ My body and sexy time with me sends him to sleep? 3/is he crushing on his prof? (he assures me no, never, 30 yrs senior, blah blah) 4/Am I taking too long? 5/literally our sex-time together send him to sleep??? Am i taking too long?

So we have a mini-row about it but make up and he says all the right things to the questions above and anyway still it's mildly bothering me but I don't want to keep going on about it.

Thoughts? I have to leave for an errand but I'll be back soon.

OP posts:
Clockstop · 06/12/2020 20:09

I'd say give him a break and encourage he takes some rest. I'm an academic and my students are under a huge amount of pressure this week and next with lots of deadlines. I also very much doubt he has a crush on his prof because we've barely seen students face to face this year! And from all the meetings I've had online, I've not seen one prof who looks remotely alluring over MS Teams Wink

Aquamarine1029 · 06/12/2020 20:15

I think you are massively overreating. Unless this is a common occurance, give the poor bloke a break. He sounds completely exhausted. It's a shame you actually started a row over this.

WheresMyMask · 06/12/2020 20:15

Oh man! An MA is hard slog, he's mentally exhausted and it's playing on his mind.
Give him a break!

Medievalist · 06/12/2020 20:16

Over thinking

NerrSnerr · 06/12/2020 20:18

We've both fallen asleep at crucial moments at times when utterly exhausted. I bet he doesn't fancy his professor, it's just his MA playing on his mind.

FestiveChristmasLights · 06/12/2020 20:18

Goodness you sound hard work and insecure.

Mavedrai · 06/12/2020 20:20

He's just tired and needs rest. It's not about you or the professor. Don't overthink this.

lioncitygirl · 06/12/2020 20:22

Jesus - talk about an over-reaction. Youre over-thinking and massively over-stretching here. Has he ever given you reason to think he might be cheating on you or 'crushing' on someone? He's probably stressed and tired, doing an MA!

Nottherealslimshady · 06/12/2020 20:23

That's just funny. He fell asleep, not like he'd started playing on his phone or something.

Wheresmykimchi · 06/12/2020 20:26

I once fell asleep during sex and shouted at my ex for not washing the oven trays Confused it happens

YakkityYakYakYak · 06/12/2020 20:26

An MA is very stressful - go easy on him and try to see the funny side.

Oreservoir · 06/12/2020 20:27

Perhaps you should acknowledge your bf is just exhausted rather than jump to conclusions.
Once you've got small dc you too will be falling asleep at crucial moments.

Quartz2208 · 06/12/2020 20:27

Yes you are overthinking - he was tired and stressed happens to us all

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 06/12/2020 20:32

If I really fancied someone I dont think I'd be speaking about the correct spelling of their name

Winterwoollies · 06/12/2020 20:39

Everything about this is ridiculous.

Regularsizedrudy · 06/12/2020 20:44

Give him a break, Jesus

Original poster
questionzzz · 06/12/2020 20:48

Thank you for the responses reassuring me that I am overthinking and insecure- I guess many women are insecure about their bodies and "performance"- or at least if we weren't to start with, media did a good job of making us so... I have no reason to believe he is crushing on his prof and I didn't harp on about that (that was more in the joky part of the convo), my main upset was that being with me is sending him to sleep and not stimulating for him :(

LOL re me having small children- my kids (not from him) are 18 and 15 :)

I do acknowledge he is tired and stressing, and that was also what I said- where you're so tired and stressed why do you have me over- I would rather we spend quality time together (we don't spend that much time together due to family/life commitments) rather than you falling asleep in these circumstances.

I accept that my upset is irrational and he wasn't intentionally being malicious or hurtful about my body and sex with me which I guess is the main thing.
,

OP posts:
Mydogmylife · 06/12/2020 20:51

Honestly is everything all about you! Poor bugger is stressed to the max about his MA , perhaps you should be a bit more concerned about him and how he's coping rather than making up daft scenarios in your head, and having a row. Please have my first festive grip

CaraDuneRedux · 06/12/2020 20:55

When we were writing up (both doing PhDs in the same area) ex DP woke me up in the small hours talking in his sleep: "yes, you need to solve so and so.. yeah, you'd have to do it numerically.. X et al 1995 is the key ref.. you should talk to so and so about it..." The scary thing was it made an alarming amount of sense.

Writing up does strange things to you - you turn into a complete monomaniac and really lose the plot a bit.

Mydogmylife · 06/12/2020 20:59

Cross posted with your update op, glad to see you realise you're being a bit daft. He probably wants to see you even when he's tired and stressed because he enjoys your company !

Original poster
questionzzz · 06/12/2020 21:06

@Mydogmylife literally that's what he said, are you him by any chance Confused Shock

And in my defence- I have supported him a lot- I read through the assignment as a "fresh pair of eyes" "to see if it makes any sense" the evening before (at his request) (we're both in social sciences although different fields/disciplines)- and we had the whole discussion as to where the prof's name should be placed etc... I guess it's too much to expect the bloody assignment can keep it's way out of our sex-life :)

OP posts:
Mydogmylife · 06/12/2020 21:13

Haha - no not me , just been there myself only sadly I was the one falling asleep and stressing!! Chin up, it'll be over soon, and all the hard work ( and support ) will have been worth it 👍

thosetalesofunexpected · 06/12/2020 21:14

Hi Op
Its a real shame, you started a argument over something as petty as this,
What on earth is the matter with you getting hung about this

Your boyfriend is understandable exhausted doing his MA, (like most/everybody would be doing his course, its sounds like mental hardwork doing so much to do in such short time.

If anyththing you should be supporting your boyfriend not givinh him headwork like this,
He has quite enough on his plate already stress wise without you creating stress for a Non-issue.

If you were doing some kind of course/work wouldn't you expect partner to be supportive...

Come on OpOp
This is what a relantship is about, its a team/partnership effort.

maddiemookins16mum · 06/12/2020 21:14

@Winterwoollies

Everything about this is ridiculous.
Yep.
yetanothernamitynamechange · 06/12/2020 21:15

I don't know if I should admit this but I get horny when Im stressed and/or tired. I think it is the sex as a comfort thing (and the hormones that get released afterwards). I'm a woman but I think it might be even more the case for most men. So I think he was wrong in going for sex when he was so tired when what he probably should have done was just cuddled up and falled asleep but I an understand why it would have made sense to him at the time. I very much doubt it is that your body is boring!