BF dozed off and mumbled about his prof's name during intimacy

[questionzzz]

So Saturday morning, staying over at bf's place, cuddling kinda late morning, cuddling becomes more intimate and closer, I'm mumbling some inane sex talk and all that, and bf mumbles in response "I think that's the way she spells her name".
So I look at his face, yup, he's dozing with his fingers in me, and he's stressing and talking about an assignment (he's doing his MA) he had submitted last night, and the proper way to spell his prof's name on the title page.
We kinda laugh it off but I get progressively more upset- a/ I didn't initiate the sexy stuff, if he is so tired that he's falling asleep why was stimulating me? 2/ My body and sexy time with me sends him to sleep? 3/is he crushing on his prof? (he assures me no, never, 30 yrs senior, blah blah) 4/Am I taking too long? 5/literally our sex-time together send him to sleep??? Am i taking too long?

So we have a mini-row about it but make up and he says all the right things to the questions above and anyway still it's mildly bothering me but I don't want to keep going on about it.

Thoughts? I have to leave for an errand but I'll be back soon.

@SarahAndQuack This happened Canada. All true. And we do call "people who teach at university" profs here.

@HOkieCOkie I explained why I posted here- I find ppl who talk about their sex life irl weird, but as you say, to each their own.

@WiddlinDiddlin
No I haven't been that tired that I've fallen asleep mid-sex, and since I don't talk to ppl about sex (see above), I didn't realise this was a thing that happens, and felt it was an indictment of me.

Ah, then it must be purely the chicklit fiction vibe but I'm picking up on.

If you're setting the novel in Canada, remember to include a convincing bit about what led to the heroine using the phrase 'sexy time' as an adult woman not currently impersonating Borat, won't you?

Sounds like he is just exhausted and extremely stressed.

@SarahAndQuack who died and made you the queen of deciding what adult women should call sexy time? I'm sorry (not) that the phrase bothers you. It's accurate. And as far as I'm aware I wasn't submitting a chick lit proposal to you. What the fuck are you talking about?

Oh, sorry, I thought it was obvious.

I thought your OP sounded a bit made up.

I'm sure it's not, and I'm so sorry I upset you by saying so.

It must be really difficult, and I wish you all the good luck in the world as you navigate this difficult time.

Wow!

The man is TIRED !!!!! Christ....

@HOkieCOkie

Eww I don’t get ppl in here posting this intimate stuff.

Well, feel free to scroll on past then!

Poor you, OP - yes YABU and over sensitive about it, but you don’t deserve some of these replies!

Both my husband and I have, occasionally almost fallen asleep during sex - when particularly tired. We laugh, apologise - at which point the other insists no apology is needed - and go to sleep. All good. It’s not unusual, don’t worry.

@questionzzz

So in a sense there is no time for that "caring" and "nurturing" aspect of the relationship to grow organically, although being human, there are times when we have to be.

You make it sound more like a FWB arrangement, than an actual relationship. Are you both on the same page?

In a relationship, even one where you don't get much time together, it's unusual to expect the other person to be 'on top form' or cancel. I'm much rather see them, than not, even if they're shattered

We've both fallen asleep before, it means nothing other than we're absolutely shattered & comfortable enough with each other to do so. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Most men will at least attempt sex when they know perfectly well they haven't a snowball's chance in hell of completing (or even really starting) the act. The spirit being willing, but the flesh being 9/10s the way to dreamland already.

MAs are VERY high-stress degrees. I'm not surprised that was on his mind, even at such a moment. Probably not in the front, but certainly ALWAYS in the back, and apt to come out when drowsy.

And I'm quite happy that you've read, and rethought, and have this back in perspective!

Poor bloke. He’s cleared really stressed about his studies. How about giving him a break and trying to be supportive instead of making him even more stressed by picking ridiculous arguments?

I also thought the OP must be really young from her first post. Who an earth refers to "sexy time".

OP, give your partner a break. He fell asleep because he was tired. You're making a huge drama out of nothing.

Just have a laugh about it. There plenty of mileage for leg pulling.

Thanks everybody for the reassurance.
I have to say in 18 yrs of marriage where at least the first 2/3rd I had a normal (I guess? Who knows, honestly) active sex life and then 2 years with this fella, I'd never had this experience before. And my life has been no picnic, I work full-time (always have), plus picking up extra projects and contracts where I can, plus parenting and all that (now a lone parent), active social life (well, pre-pandemic) and so on. Even today, Sunday, I've worked a bit here and there on my full-time job stuff. I'm often shattered by 10pm, and I go through bouts of insomnia (always have, since adolescence) where I have 2 hours of sleep during a night, sometimes a couple of nights in a row, until I can catch up.
After those nights, it happens that I lock my office door around 2ish and lie down on the office floor from fatigue (yay window-less offices) (I should probably nag somebody about an armchair for my office).
But yeah, no sleep during sex until now.

the mental image of so many ppl falling asleep mid-sex is funny, granted, and a bit sad :( I wish we weren't all so tired and stressed :(

Re the comment about an FwB- I dunno. We refer to each other as gf/bf, we have a social circle of friends, met each other's parents, talked about the future, said the L-word..., and it's not that we have to be on 100% top form to be with other- we've hung out when we were tired, upset, mildly sick etc, not having sex, that's fine. I guess the close, intimate nature of this particular incident threw me off, combined with my own insecurities.

[quote HOkieCOkie]@questionzzz I don’t care about reading sex. I just don’t understand ppl who pour personal and intimate stuff on the internet. weird but each to their own.[/quote]
you do realise this is 100% what mumsnet is about, right?

[quote questionzzz]@SarahAndQuack who died and made you the queen of deciding what adult women should call sexy time? I'm sorry (not) that the phrase bothers you. It's accurate. And as far as I'm aware I wasn't submitting a chick lit proposal to you. What the fuck are you talking about?[/quote]
Bit aggressive OP

Wait until he does a doctoral he will be sleep walking down the aisle.

“I looked up and he’d dozed off with his fingers in me.”

Waaaaaaaahhhhhhh. Far far far, did I say far Toooooooooooo much information

Honestly, he is just absolutely exhausted, I know because i've been him plent of times, I have low iron, a thyroid issue and fulltime job and kids, I literally cannot keep my eyes open at times regardless of the activity.

Fwiw he's way overthinking the prof name issue. No one even gets my name right and I doubt they care where it goes on a document. He should worry about the content instead!

Ive just remembered that when dh and I first started going out, he started cuddling me in bed one morning obviously hoping for it to lead somewhere and i rolled over and apparently snuggled up to him saying "I love you Dostoevsky". His name is not Dostoevsky. 😆