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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for your top tips for being a manger?

130 replies

Bixs · 06/12/2020 18:45

I am about to start my first ever managerial position. It will be managing a team of 12 and I have previously worked along side most of them in the same team. I have the experience and the training and I’m confident I can do it but I’m just looking for any tips or advice from people around being a manager for the first time.

I’m excited but also nervous!

OP posts:
PlanetSlattern · 07/12/2020 20:43

I think all of @PlanDeRaccordement's advice is spot-on. I would also add:

  • Always have difficult conversations in person (or on the phone if working remotely) rather than by email or DM; tone can get lost otherwise. (It's very tempting not to do this.)
  • Similarly, get to know people in other teams in person (or by organising online meetings) – assuming you liaise with other teams. Much easier to have difficult conversations later on if you've built a relationship with them through positive interactions.
  • If you want to get stuff done, set action points, fixed timescales and follow it all up with an email so people know exactly what's expected and when.
  • Say thank you to people and look for things they've doing well (however small) so you can give good feedback regularly, as well as constructive feedback.
Unsure33 · 07/12/2020 20:46

Treat people how you would like to be treated but be consistent and firm , otherwise people will take the piss .

And be prepared not to be liked .

YakkityYakYakYak · 07/12/2020 21:34

In my many years in HR, I’ve seen a lot of good managers and a lot of very bad ones. My top tips would be:

  • Set boundaries in your personal relationships with them; they need to know that you’ll support them but that you aren’t afraid to challenge when their performance isn’t up to scratch
  • Agree clear expectations and timescales for what they need to deliver, make sure they understand they’re accountable for getting the job done
  • Make time to check in with each of them on a 121 basis at least every couple of weeks, get to know them as individuals and check in on their well-being, ask about what they’re enjoying and what they’re struggling with
  • Understand their individual strengths and help them to find ways to play to them (focus more on strengths than development areas)
  • Help them to think about their own development and career aspirations, and support them to find learning opportunities, but make sure they know that their development is their responsibility
  • If they come to you with a problem, don’t tell them what to do to fix it. Coach them to help them figure it out for themselves. Coaching takes longer and it can be frustrating at first for both sides, but you need them to be able to work through issues without you.
  • Support them to build good relationships within the team. Find ways for them to genuinely get to know each other and form relationships rather than cheesy ‘team-building activities’
  • Consult them on key decisions and take their input into account, but make it clear that you retain the ultimate decision
  • Be a good role model in terms of your behaviours, be professional, demonstrate a good work-life balance, show integrity, etc
  • Acknowledge when they’ve done something well and be specific about what was good so they know to do more of it (and vice versa when they’ve done something not so good)
  • And finally, be authentic. Be yourself. If you try to project an image of what you think a manager should be, people will see straight through it and won’t see you as credible.
YakkityYakYakYak · 07/12/2020 21:34

Didn’t realise that was so long until I posted it!

Sparklesocks · 07/12/2020 21:47

Don’t make difficult feedback personal in a way that is about the individual.

E.g rather than ‘you can sometimes be flappy and disorganised and you should work on that’ say ‘I’ve noticed that sometimes when you appear overwhelmed it impacts on your workload. Maybe we can discuss strategies to help you with that?’.

People shut down when they feel their personality/work ethic is being attacked, but are more receptive if it’s about behaviour that they can adjust.

Whammyyammy · 07/12/2020 21:51

TIT, was the first thing I was taught, look after the whole TIT and not just one part of it.
TEAM
INDIVIDUAL
TASK

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 07/12/2020 21:54

When people on our team do especially well, our boss doesn’t just praise us, she makes sure her boss knows about it too.

We all know she’s got our backs. I know more about the technical aspects of my job than she does & she’s absolutely fine with asking me to explain something / querying it if she doesn’t understand. She’ll give us slack where she can if we need it, & in return we go the extra mile when the job needs it.

Best boss ever.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 07/12/2020 21:56

Attention to detail.

ReeseWitherfork · 07/12/2020 21:58

Sorry not RTFT so may be repeating. My top tip would be balance the operational with the strategic. Operational = day to day delivery; strategic = look at the way things are done, development needs etc. Managers who focus too much on doing stuff and not how it’s done don’t ever evolve or respond to changing business / team needs.

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 07/12/2020 21:58

For the love of all that is holy, don’t gossip.

I make sure they get praise in public and take any flack in public. Bollockings always happen in private, and through me as the line manager

You do need a bit of distance between you and your team.

Don’t take stuff personally.

Ideasplease322 · 07/12/2020 22:04

Be kind, calm, clear and consistent.

Roominmyhouse · 07/12/2020 22:04

If certain members of your team are doing something wrong or something needs addressing do it with the individual in question. Don’t blanket email etc if it’s not everyone in the team doing it.

Definitely don’t micromanage.

Let people have the freedom to be honest and have a moan in 121’s. You don’t have to agree with them or change anything based on their moaning but it’s great to be able to get this off your chest and have a manager you can be honest with.

DishingOutDone · 07/12/2020 22:14

Allow people to make mistakes - by which I mean sometimes staff will do shit that doesn't live up to your expectations, so sometimes just lower them a bit; slow to chide and swift to bless!

YetAnotherChicken · 08/12/2020 05:34

Interesting thread and some good tips. Can I ask if anyone who has commented is a manager in the NHS?

SimonJT · 08/12/2020 06:13

The bosses above will shit on you, don’t let this impact on how you work with your team.

Consistently apply company policy, if you allow one person flexibility that goes against company policy, even if it is just on one occasion the rest of the team will expect the same.

Praise, some managers use the old “well they’re being paid to do it”

Criticism etc in person and in private.

Be open and available, unless you really have to say no, always say yes if a colleague needs to have a chat, for some people just asking to do that takes a lot of courage.

Your relationship with your work friends will have to change, don’t take it personally when they are no longer as open with you. There are things you would say to a close colleague that you would never say to a manager.

If your team members are on an hourly rate rather than a salary make sure all overtime is accounted for.

Be clear with your expectations. When I became manager my team were accustomed to having a coffee and a chat for the first half hour of work. People had also been taking the piss with lunch breaks. I worked out that one colleague was failing to work for almost six hours a week. I made it clear what my expectations were during our working hours.

Just as you expect your colleagues to seek help and support, you need to from your line manager.

nearlynermal · 08/12/2020 06:41

I saw a comment once that the whole feedback sandwich thing is rubbish, because the slackers will just take on board the positive bits and the conscientious ones will fixate on the negative.

MitziK · 08/12/2020 18:03

@nearlynermal

I saw a comment once that the whole feedback sandwich thing is rubbish, because the slackers will just take on board the positive bits and the conscientious ones will fixate on the negative.
And most of us have heard of the technique, so it doesn't work as intended because we're thinking 'So that's the first slice, can we get on with the shit so I can go back to my actual job before it all goes tits up?'
CherryCherries · 08/12/2020 18:30

What is micro managing

TeenPlusTwenties · 08/12/2020 18:50

Cherry Micromanaging is being unnecessarily detailed mandating how someone does their job, or expecting unnecessarily detailed / frequent progress reports.

e.g

  • Lay the dining-room table to this plan by noon, and then between 12:15 & 12:30 pour the Bucks Fizz - fine
  • lay the dining room table, do the forks first then let me know, then the knives, let me know, thenn the spoons .... - not fine

I had a manager once who wanted me to write a user guide in a very prescribed order. But doing one section had links to a bit somewhere else etc. So it made more sense to just let me get on with it provided I could show it was making progress.

bellinisurge · 08/12/2020 18:55

My top tip - rarely, if ever, socialise with your team. Don't "Friend" them or whatever on social media. Or, if you do, don't just "friend" one or two.
Be friendly and approachable etc but don't try to be their mate.

MitziK · 08/12/2020 18:58

@CherryCherries

What is micro managing
When you are deemed too incompetent to function in the workplace and a single independent thought would result in an utter calamity second only to the end of the Universe as we know it.

You spend more time reporting to them to be corrected and criticised than you do actually doing your job.

Oh, and they spend all their time doing tinkly little laughs and saying 'Oh, you know me, I'm just sooo OCD about these things' whilst telling everybody else that they do everything because you're not that bright and need sooooo much help, bless you.

MitziK · 08/12/2020 19:02

@TeenPlusTwenties

Cherry Micromanaging is being unnecessarily detailed mandating how someone does their job, or expecting unnecessarily detailed / frequent progress reports.

e.g

  • Lay the dining-room table to this plan by noon, and then between 12:15 & 12:30 pour the Bucks Fizz - fine
  • lay the dining room table, do the forks first then let me know, then the knives, let me know, thenn the spoons .... - not fine

I had a manager once who wanted me to write a user guide in a very prescribed order. But doing one section had links to a bit somewhere else etc. So it made more sense to just let me get on with it provided I could show it was making progress.

Mine would come out and check that the tablecloth had been laid properly, decide it was off centre and make me take it all off and start again. Of course, then the forks needed rewashing because 'they'd been touched', then the knives weren't in the correct place in relation to the door, then there was a 20 minute lecture about why I was being so slow, etc, etc. Or something along those lines.

Mind you, when I was made redundant, I spent the entire last fortnight writing that user guide. Didn't do anything else. Pity IT deleted my User Account on my last day, really.

winterberries77 · 08/12/2020 19:03

Imo the most important thing is to make people feel valued. Be more ready with the praise than the criticism.

CandyLeBonBon · 08/12/2020 19:13

Make sure you're not allergic to sheep

Bixs · 08/12/2020 19:17

These are all such good points. I’ve read everyone and I’m making lots of mental notes.

What does it mean to be “upwardly managed”?

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