When did your adult kids stop going on holiday with you?

[chocolatesaltyxmaspudballs]

We were talking last night about what we might do for holidays next year when the restrictions are lifted. Background: we are both on second marriages, I have a 17 yo and husband has a 20 yo in second year at uni.

My daughter will be 18 next year and has already said that she wants to go on holiday with her friends. So my thinking was that we would have plenty of time for holidays on our own and I was pretty much thinking that our days holidaying with kids were over.

Then husband pipes up that he has to factor in something with his son. I said won't he want to do something with his friends? Which sparked a bit of a row because he said 'you wouldn't cut your daughter off so quickly like that.' I was a bit because I'm not 'cutting her off', but the fact is I'd expect her to have her own life and not rely on her mum for holidays, except for maybe the odd exception where we might have a girls holiday.

So my question is AIBU for wanting to just go on holiday with my husband without having to accommodate another grown man into the equation?

As in I mean he could buy his own ice cream etc

If I had the money, I would love to go on holiday with my adult children and they would love to come. The last time we all went on holiday, they were 20 and 22. I paid for the holiday as they were students, but they paid for the things they wanted to do. We didn't stay together the whole time, but it was lovely to spend time with them. Before that we used to go camping, until DD refused to ever go again.

I don't think i went away with my parents from about 16. I did clubs and societies and went away with them instead. I've been away with my mum a couple of times as an adult and with my parents and brother & family in recent years and that's just too many folk with different needs in one place!

@saraclara

The fact that my 'kids' still like to have holidays with me (and their partners are also willing to) - and sometimes invite me on theirs, is one of the things that reassures me when I'm having a bit of self-doubt about not always having been the best parent that I could have been.

@saraclara. I have a feeling ours will come back around to the idea of family holidays, it’s just the current teenage embarrassment and diverging interests (from ours) that’s putting them off. I wasn’t into museums from 13-18, but I was back into them by my 20’s.

It doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t get on generally. I was the same, didn’t particularly want to hang out with my parents during my teens, but appreciated them far more as a young adult!

There's a difference between going away with parents and going away with parent and partner. I went away with my parents aged 12, then aged 16 (my brother was 18) then in early married life for a weekend (with my husband) then loads after I had kids and we didn't live close!
Once I had kids they tended to subsidise us a bit - splitting everything down the middle when there were 2 of them and we were 2 adults and a baby (then a toddler and a baby, then 2 kids). But that was about them wanting to see their grandkids.
I've also been away with the in laws a couple of times, they also calculated without including the kids. I argued the point but was shouted down. Mil in actually step mum in law, but fully a grandparent to our kids.

My family is blended, I have DD 26 and DSD 24. Both girls come away with us if they fancy it, I go away wth DD at least once a year and DD, DSD and I go away once a year at least.

DH and I also go away alone or with the dog

I would hate never to go away with the girls, we have so much fun.

DS1 was 18 last week. He is coming with us to Greece next August as it was rebooked from this year, but has made it clear it will probably be his last with us. He is planning a lads trip in July after A levels and is far more excited about that. Understandably.
We've had several family holidays every year all their lives, they've been the absolute best times of my life. Sad that it's ending tbh.

[quote chocolatesaltyxmaspudballs]@thevassal because he'll guilt me for not wanting to join them. He has extended family who I've never met living in a cold country which I don't really have any desire to visit. He's said over and over 'you've never been to X with me'. I did once offer to go for a long weekend but he never organised it. He stays with extended family and I don't really like staying in other people's houses. That's where he'd want to go with his son.[/quote]
Well if you've never visited them the son being/not being involved is irrelevant really then, isn't it, as you wouldn't go even if your DS wasn't going? He can try and make you feel guilty, but it's up to you if you actually feel so or not - if you don't want to go wave them off cheerfully!

I don't think you're in the wrong for wanting a holiday just for you and your DH - just try to reframe it in your mind as a positive, i.e. we get one lovely child free holiday together AND I get a few days peace and quiet while DH &DSS go away together on a trip I wouldn't want to go on anyway AND I get a separate holiday with my daughter/friends/whoever.

Stopped at 17 but started again at 33 as we go away once a year with my parents and kids and it's utter joyous!

My 2 DS’s 24 and 20 still come on some, they also go with their friends.
TBH they tend to only do the long-haul with us now and we pay.
We are a blended family and the boys are great friends so normally if 1 doesn’t want to go the other doesn’t and they stay home.
No pressure for them to come or not.

I’m 28, married with a DS and we still go on holiday with my mum every year, we pay our own way and we often split off and do our own activities when we’re there, but since we don’t obviously live together it’s really nice family time! I think you can obviously have a holiday just as a couple but i think yabu to say that it’s because your step-son is too old. Surely it’s nothing to do with age, and especially as he is at university he probably doesn’t live with his dad it would be nice family time together.
I also think if the shoe was on the other foot and your DD wanted to go on holiday with you still you would be thrilled!

It totally depends on the family. Many of my friends do an annual holiday each year plus spouses with their parents and siblings. It depends on your own family’s usual habits and culture.

We don’t holiday annually with my family but did go away with them a few times in my twenties as we were all hard up at the time, and it enabled us to share the cost of a holiday and meant DNephew got some holidays.

We’re due to holiday with DH’s parents and siblings next year to celebrate PILs joint 60th- they’re very kindly paying. We often go away for an annual weekend with them as well as visiting them.

My parents can’t really afford multiple trips a year and we do visit and stay with them a lot, but if they asked us to holiday with them I don’t see why we’d say no. If/when any of the DPs is widowed I’ll invite them to join us on holiday- I think it’s nice for DGPs to go on holiday with their DGCs sometimes.

I think when DS is older we’ll probably tell him he’s welcome to join us on holiday (post age 21), but I would’ve thought it’d be villa type holidays and he’ll be asked to buy his own airfare. I doubt we’ll offer to fly him to the Caribbean etc when he’s 30 - but a week in a gite in France? Why not?

I stopped going at 17 and started going with friends/on my own at 18. I have been away with my mum and her partner since then, but only when invited occasionally and definitely not expected.

Between me having to finance things myself and being in work and unable to take holidays - plus not really wanting to spend 2 weeks with my parent(s) - it was a natural change.

If it's an intended family holiday then that's different. Friends of mine take their adult children (and now grandchildren) to Disneyworld for instance, another friend takes her 21 year old son on 2 week holidays each year because the rest of the family go.

16/17

Ah jeez, my 19 and 20 yr olds go on holiday (usually) with their mates but no way would they turn down a free holiday with us. Sometimes it’s lovely, sometimes it’s a pain.
I think they would come until they aren’t students anymore and earning own money/annual leave.

When I was 19, my mum thought that would be out last holiday together.
I often remind her of this as we’ve been on holiday together every year since. 30+ years. Sometimes both parents, sometimes my siblings and all the kids. Or sometimes we just take the kids.

25,24,22,17 They all still come (& the occasional partner) Free holiday! What's not to like
I need to get tough & ask them to chip in. I do love them coming though.

I took mine away at 18, by 19 dd1 bowed out, her choice, Dd2 is 19 and covid solved the conundrum. We have talked about a weekend away with all our dc ( they have met but because of age there is no blending really) but it's up to them if they want to play happy families

Update. - mentioned topic to dd, she says actually she wouldn't mind coming away next year (her dsis won't guaranteed) and is fine if dp's dd comes, oh, that's annoying

I started doing some holidays alone at around 16/17... but still go away with parents now (36). My husband (38) and his siblings still go away with parents once or twice per year (and I join for one of the trips, as will our new little daughter for the first time this summer)

I'm 31 and my parents came on holiday with us on November. The only difference is that now we pay and we invite them 😂

Last family holiday was the year eldest started uni. He didn't come with us but dd 17 and ds2 15 did. They spent their whole time escaping to the internet enabled hotel up the road with many euros supplied by us. Ds also whined incessantly about missing out on seeing his friends/half term parties. I said it was the last time I'd pay for either of them to come with us and it was.

I'm 37namd still go on holidays with my parents. I never stopped. I'd usually have a holiday with friends and one with my parents through my teenager/early twentys. Now we all still go, me, my sis, dh, dc.

I moved out of home at 17 and that is where it ended for me. But i don't see why an adult child couldnt come on a holiday. Sounds cold. Especially because you say you simply just dont want him to join. Imagine if your dh would have said that about your dd wanting to come...