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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend posting photos. AIBU?

61 replies

CasioOhOhOh · 06/12/2020 06:35

I don’t know why this is starting to bother me so much.

I’ve been dating someone for around 4 months. Every single date has been documented with photos on Instagram. He only had around 12 photos on when we started dating so it’s not like he’s the type of person who posts about anything and everything. There’s multiple photos posted each time, of the two of us and of where we’ve been.

I’m starting to feel like a prop rather than a person. I can’t work out why? I don’t know if he’s just a bit over enthusiastic with it being the start of the relationship. It’s starting to feel like he’s trying to prove something either to himself or to someone else.

He posts the photos as soon as the date is over. It’s been happening since the first date we went on, I’m feeling like whatever it is we’re doing isn’t about me but about how he’s coming across to other people outside of our dating.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 06/12/2020 06:38

That's weird, does he have a recent ex?

Yeahnahmum · 06/12/2020 06:39

Here is a though : ask him why and/or tell him no to do it 😉

Chocolatechocolatechocolate · 06/12/2020 06:46

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I would ask him not to do it. Then see how he responds - he might not realise you are not comfortable with it.

Original poster
CasioOhOhOh · 06/12/2020 07:00

I think he knows I’m uncomfortable with it because I’ve never posted photos of the two of us. He asked me why and I said I wasn’t comfortable sharing any when we haven’t been dating for long.

I asked him why after he posted photos when we’d been on the first date, he said he was just happy and wanted to share it. I thought it was odd but let it go and thought it’d settle down a bit but it hasn’t. I don’t want to bring it up again if it’s just something people do now. I haven’t dated for a few years so don’t know if I’m just not used to it!

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 06/12/2020 07:10

Stop letting him take your photo!

FippertyGibbett · 06/12/2020 07:11

Get hold of his phone and delete the photos, then dump him.

Pinktornado · 06/12/2020 07:17

It is a bit weird to go from 12 photos on instagram to posting dozens. I would suspect a recent breakup and subsequent deletion of all photos of his ex, who he’s now showing off for. Whatever it is, ask him to stop.

KaptainKaveman · 06/12/2020 07:23

FGS just tell him to STOP! why are people so obsessed with taking pictures of everything? it's superficial and weird, not to mention intrusive. Tell him to STOP.

drspouse · 06/12/2020 07:35

Tell him to be normal and post his dinner instead.

UseOfWeapons · 06/12/2020 07:38

You’re not being unreasonable.
I’d tell him to stop, not allow it, and if he’s pouting, I’d finish it.
Who wants to feel like a prop in someone else’s Instagram ‘life’?
Sound like he has a point to prove to someone, that he’s having a lovely time with Super Girlfriend, I’d hate that too.

Sally872 · 06/12/2020 07:41

I wouldn't do it myself but I know plenty of people who would. I don't think it is weird just different attitudes to social media.

However if you are not comfortable tell him you would rather not be tagged in pics, or if you feel really strongly stop being in photos.

Doggybiccys · 06/12/2020 07:44

He’s trying to make someone else jealous or sending a “look, I’m over you / doing fine/ someone wants me” message is my guess. Does he have a recent ex???

Seatime · 06/12/2020 07:49

He is trying to prove something, what though?

Stepintochristmas2020 · 06/12/2020 07:51

When I see this now, people post a photo of the two plates of food or the two drinks.. never the other person at that early stage.

pictish · 06/12/2020 07:54

This would set my bell ringing too. He’s either showing an ex he’s moving on...or the world at large that he’s a contender. I don’t know...but I would not be happy with having my date plastered over social media. I’d tell him to respect my privacy and stop.

Yesmate · 06/12/2020 07:56

He has only got 12 photos because he has removed all the photos of his ex from his social media. He wants her to see the photos of you.

Crustmasiscoming · 06/12/2020 08:04

Next time he goes to take a photo just say no. If he asks why then it's good opportunity to talk about it.

I agree with PP's who are saying these photos are probably for the benefit of an ex.

Benjispruce2 · 06/12/2020 08:18

So many people do this, it always comes across as insecure to me. Needing the likes and the emojis to affirm his life. It’s one of the reasons I came off social media. Now MN is my only outlet and I like it precisely because it’s anonymous.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/12/2020 08:25

There are two options. We don't know which one.

  1. He's really really happy with you, his life is suddenly loads better than it was.
  1. He's trying to make someone else jealous.
BuggerationFlavouredCrisps · 06/12/2020 08:26

I don’t want to bring it up again if it’s just something people do now. I haven’t dated for a few years so don’t know if I’m just not used to it!

It’s irrelevant if the rest of the world is posting date photos on Instagram. You’re an individual and you’re entitled to your privacy.

If you aren’t comfortable with it (and who over 25 would be?), you need to tell him very clearly not to do it and he needs to respect your wishes.

Susanwouldntlikeit · 06/12/2020 08:28

YANBU.Tell him to stop

Cygne · 06/12/2020 08:29

Tell him that when he's out with you you would rather that he concentrates on you rather than his camera/phone.

GreyishDays · 06/12/2020 08:30

Has he had relationships before? Maybe he hasn’t really and it’s bothered him. Now he’s very keen to show it off.
It’s also good that he thinks you’re worth showing off.

But if it’s annoying then that’s fair enough o tell him to calm it down.

Of course it’s also possible there’s an ex issue.

Pumkinseed · 06/12/2020 08:31

Why can you not tell him to stop and ask him to delete this pictures? I think it's also horrid that he didn't ask your permission in the first place. You don't just plaster someone's pictures all over IG.

Poppingnostopping · 06/12/2020 08:33

Not ok, just say I don't want any photos of me on social media thanks, and see what happens. If you are important to him, he'll stop, if you are a prop for him to show off, you'll have found out.