Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend posting photos. AIBU?

61 replies

CasioOhOhOh · 06/12/2020 06:35

I don’t know why this is starting to bother me so much.

I’ve been dating someone for around 4 months. Every single date has been documented with photos on Instagram. He only had around 12 photos on when we started dating so it’s not like he’s the type of person who posts about anything and everything. There’s multiple photos posted each time, of the two of us and of where we’ve been.

I’m starting to feel like a prop rather than a person. I can’t work out why? I don’t know if he’s just a bit over enthusiastic with it being the start of the relationship. It’s starting to feel like he’s trying to prove something either to himself or to someone else.

He posts the photos as soon as the date is over. It’s been happening since the first date we went on, I’m feeling like whatever it is we’re doing isn’t about me but about how he’s coming across to other people outside of our dating.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
gannett · 06/12/2020 08:34

If he didn't have many previous photos on Instagram maybe he didn't have much in his life he thought was worth posting about and now he's being a bit over-enthusiastic now he's got you?

YANBU to say you don't feel uncomfortable with it but you need to use your words and tell him so rather than stewing about it and trying to second-guess his motives, which could be anything.

RegretnaGreen · 06/12/2020 08:36

How have you stuck this for months? I would go nuts if he did it once! He has no right to put your photo on the bloody internet without your permission! How have you been so passive all this time over this? He IS treating you like a prop.

BluntAndToThePoint80 · 06/12/2020 08:39

Who cares if it’s “normal” or not ?

If you don’t like it, explicitly ask him to stop. Don’t hint or beat about the bush, just tell him. You have a tongue in your head so I’d use it.

If he likes/respects you, he’ll stop. If he won’t, there are bigger issues there around respect and boundaries and I’d leave.

MichelleScarn · 06/12/2020 08:40

So you've let him take the pictures and not actually said you don't like it? Talk to him!!

Gillyx · 06/12/2020 08:40

I think you just have different attitudes to social media. There are people who like to do a story/post on Instagram when they do anything (go out for tea, go for a walk, decorate their house, baking) and others who just post for more special occasions.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it personally, even though I hardly post on Instagram.

I think the 12 photos is because he’s deleted all traces of his ex, and he’s probably used to taking pictures whenever they went anywhere.

category12 · 06/12/2020 08:40

@Pinktornado

It is a bit weird to go from 12 photos on instagram to posting dozens. I would suspect a recent breakup and subsequent deletion of all photos of his ex, who he’s now showing off for. Whatever it is, ask him to stop.
This.
EffYouSeeKaye · 06/12/2020 08:43

Agree with the two options from @arethereanyleftatall.

Either way, you need to ask him to stop, because you don’t like it. His reaction will tell you which option it is.

Original poster
CasioOhOhOh · 06/12/2020 08:43

I don’t know because if he was the type of person who took photos of everything, wouldn’t ha have photos of when he’d been out with his friends? I think that’s what’s bothering me is that it’s just me and I don’t know why.

I wouldn’t mind so much if it was just photos of places we’d been but after every one there always photos of the two of us put up too, even one from the first date.

I’ll tell him next time I don’t want any photos taken or put up and see what he says.

OP posts:
bobbiester · 06/12/2020 08:44

This whole SM thing is weird. Can't win either way.

If OP said "boyfriend has insisted that I don't post photos of our dates on SM and/or refuses to pose for photos" then everyone would have said he's trying to hide something.

madcatladyforever · 06/12/2020 08:45

Hes showing you off. I wouldn't like it either.

PamDemic · 06/12/2020 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eckhart · 06/12/2020 08:49

I don’t want to bring it up again if it’s just something people do now

Why does 'what people do now' trump how you feel? Think of another example of 'what people do', like getting drunk every weekend night. It's totally normal, and fully accepted in society. But if it's not to your preference, would you continue to be in a relationship with someone who insisted upon doing it?

Tell him you don't feel comfortable with it. See if he respects your feelings or not. This will tell you whether to stay with him or not, because if he won't respect your feelings on this, he won't respect them in other ways either.

Original poster
CasioOhOhOh · 06/12/2020 08:54

I’ve just realised what’s making me feel uncomfortable, he puts photos up of the places and multiple photos in one post, then posts a separate photo just of us. He doesn’t include that one in with the others. So it’s almost like a ‘I want to make sure someone doesn’t miss this one’ kind of post.

I mean how many photos do you need to post of the same two people?! I’m not that good looking I need my own post to be shown off!

OP posts:
Billben · 06/12/2020 08:55

I don’t want to bring it up again if it’s just something people do now

Don’t ever just blindly follow the crowd when things don’t sit right with you. Stand up for yourself and your feelings.

Pumkinseed · 06/12/2020 08:56

I don’t want to bring it up again...

it hugely bothers you. If you cannot even open your mouth and tell him, I'd say the relationship is doomed anyways so you have nothing to lose by letting him know.

rainbowstardrops · 06/12/2020 09:00

I agree with others that he's trying to show you off for some reason. Maybe to an ex or maybe just to his friends?
Definitely tell him again that you're uncomfortable with it.

Backbee · 06/12/2020 09:02

I agree he is probably trying to make an ex/someone he wants to date jealous.

goldenharvest · 06/12/2020 09:03

He is all about appearance and no substance. This is a horrible intrusion into your privacy and shallow as hell. Dump him

EstuaryBird · 06/12/2020 09:06

Or maybe he’s just proud of you and wants his friends to see his beautiful girlfriend 🤷🏻‍♀️......it’s a possibility!

Malteserlover50 · 06/12/2020 09:08

It seems to be a popular thing for people to take lots of photographs now and post them on social media BUT you don’t like it and that’s all the matters.
Definitely tell him and tell him to take the ones down he has already put up.

ItCouldBeBunnies · 06/12/2020 09:09

Oh no I'd hate that, it's such an invasion of privacy. DH and I hardly post anything and we always check first but I suppose we've just got the same approach. I couldn't cope with a sharer. Speak up next time. If he's with you for you he'll stop. If he doesn't then you know you're incompatible.

CountreeGurl · 06/12/2020 09:11

He's sub gramming someone, doesn't mean he doesn't like you but it's pretty text book

BreatheAndFocus · 06/12/2020 09:14

I don’t think it’s necessarily about an ex. I think he sounds very insecure about himself and his date-ability. Hence separating out the picture of you from other photos of the day. Perhaps he wants everyone to know he has a GF and not mistake you for a friend or random person.

Tell him again you don’t like it and you don’t want him to do it. That’s giving him a chance just in case he’s being naive or thinks you’re only saying it out of modesty or something.

C8H10N4O2 · 06/12/2020 09:16

I don’t want to bring it up again if it’s just something people do now

Its something some people do now but not something you do. Its a simple matter of consent; you are uncomfortable with it, tell him to stop. If he doesn't stop or presses you to agree then he is the wrong person for you.

If its part of some other game he's playing then frankly who needs someone that manipulative?

RegretnaGreen · 06/12/2020 09:20

@Pumkinseed

I don’t want to bring it up again...

it hugely bothers you. If you cannot even open your mouth and tell him, I'd say the relationship is doomed anyways so you have nothing to lose by letting him know.

This. Why are you being so passive about this shitty behaviour this early on?