To think the flowers should be cancelled?

[FairfaxAikman]

My DGF (in his 90s) has had a massive stroke yesterday and won't survive - we are basically marking the hours at this point.
But it's let to a bit of a disagreement between me and my DF.

My grandparents 64th wedding anniversary is next week. DGF has ordered flowers, as he has every year.
I think they should be cancelled as receiving them so soon would destroy my DGM, who is in poor health herself.
DF thinks they should be left as it's what DGF wants.

AIBU to think it's a bad idea?

I think it would be enormously conforting to know that one of the very last things he did was celebrate his marriage

Exactly x

My df lost his wife this year. Her daughter had helped her buy a birthday card for him before she died, and so gave him it on his birthday. It was poignant and lovely.

My mum died a couple of days before my sons birthday. She had given me a card for him, she had already given him money about 10 days before she passed as he saw something he wanted and didn’t have all the money for it. Although my mum was of ill health when she died it was a shocked. I still have my son (22) the card she gave to me for him. He has the cars cherished and kept by in a memory box.

Your Gran should still receive the flowers. I’m sending you massive hugs x

Fair enough. Happy to admit I'm wrong on this. However I will take PP advice of warning both DGM and the delivery guy.

Just because your df said 24 doesn't necessarily mean so. Drs in intensive care told me my 68yo mum wouldn't survive the night after she had a massive heart attack back in 2007 and i agreed to donate her organs.
Strangely enough she's still with us and had covid in may inspite of having c.o.p.d. we call her 'boomarang' which she loves.

I would let your dad speak to his mum if he thinks he needs to. Why do you need to speak to her or the delivery driver.

I got my anniversary gift delivery two weeks after DH died suddenly and unexpectedly. It turned out for once he’d been organised and I’m very glad he was. Leave it alone.

@MrsTwitcher

I would let your dad speak to his mum if he thinks he needs to. Why do you need to speak to her or the delivery driver.

^this. Just let them be delivered. I would be furious to be pre warned by you. If he buys them every year for her she will know he always ordered some. Do you really feel the need to interfere? I’m sorry your family is going through such a difficult time. So lovely they have had so long together.

No, please don’t cancel.

So sorry OP.

Please don’t cancel the flowers, nothing will make your DGM feel any worse, and hopefully the flowers will be a comfort to her, that she was thought of before her DH became ill.

Very best wishes for the tough days ahead.

No I think it would be wrong to cancel.

@HelpMeh

I would still want flowers from my husband! Don't cancel them! I'd be so upset if someone cancelled my gift.

I agree with that.

Fair enough. Happy to admit I'm wrong on this

Nice to see an OP reflect and re-think, good on you OP

@Parmavioletgin1

I don't really think its your business to cancel your grandfather's last gift to his wife.

This!

Imagine, she’s had them every year, and the one year he dies (either soon before or on the day) they didn’t arrive. She would be heartbroken.

If they arrive, it will make her smile, her husband remembered as he always did and there’s a lovely gift that’s still came from him even though he might not be there.
It’s the sweetest gift, I’d love flowers from DH after he’s gone.

YAB hugely U

It would be horrible to cancel his last anniversary gift to his wife. The anniversary will still come and she'll be heartbroken but I think she'd be more heartbroken not getting flowers from her husband, it will actually probably be quite comforting to her.

I'd also get her flowers every year on their anniversary moving forward if that was their tradition.

@Parmavioletgin1

I don't really think its your business to cancel your grandfather's last gift to his wife.

This.

Happy to admit I'm wrong on this

Rarely have I been so glad to see an opening poster change her mind!

And to you too

Please don't do this.

A relative of mine received an unexpected devastating diagnosis at the beginning of December a few years ago and died in the 23rd.

In the short time she had left she bought and wrapped all the presents for delivery.

I'm sorry that you are going through this OP but please don't interfere with your Grandfather's last gift to his wife.

That's really sad but leave the flowers to come as usual.

Agree with @Parmavioletgin1

It would be horrendous to cancel them.

I also agree with @user1274245's suggestion of drying them. It would be a lovely thing to do with her afterwards to always remember him by.

Of course they should be left - why are you trying to overrule your father, he is losing his own father. He doesn't need you having a massive disagreement with him when he has told you they should not be cancelled. I can't understand why you're being so bossy tbh. Sorry.

@FairfaxAikman

Fair enough. Happy to admit I'm wrong on this. However I will take PP advice of warning both DGM and the delivery guy.

Fucking hell! How many 'stay out of it, it's not your business' posts do you need before you understand?

You do not need to speak to the delivery driver or your DGM. Stay the fuck out of it. Nothing needs micro managed by you in this situation.