To think the flowers should be cancelled?

[FairfaxAikman]

My DGF (in his 90s) has had a massive stroke yesterday and won't survive - we are basically marking the hours at this point.
But it's let to a bit of a disagreement between me and my DF.

My grandparents 64th wedding anniversary is next week. DGF has ordered flowers, as he has every year.
I think they should be cancelled as receiving them so soon would destroy my DGM, who is in poor health herself.
DF thinks they should be left as it's what DGF wants.

AIBU to think it's a bad idea?

I agree that the flowers should be kept. What a touching moment that will be and the memory it will create. And I hope you DGF has a peaceful passing. Take care of each other xx

@Parmavioletgin1

I don't really think its your business to cancel your grandfather's last gift to his wife.

This. Where do people get off on thinking they can decide stuff like this for other people? If he’s gone, what an amazing thing for her to know he thought of her right to the end.

I’m so sorry, OP, but I think you’re entirely wrong. 💐

This happened to me, my DF asked me to order flowers for delivery to my DM (he was ill and couldn't do it himself), for their 50th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately he passed away 3 days before and so we cancelled the flowers so as not to upset my mum further.

My GD died very suddenly shortly before xmas a few years ago. He had already bought all the family presents it was so nice to receive them.

I think it would be enormously conforting to know that one of the very last things he did was celebrate his marriage

Loved until the very last breath is a wonderful sentiment, and the annual flowers will matter more this year than ever

I think it would be verging on cruel to countermand his order

Don't cancel the flowers, I am sure it will please your Grandmother, despite all her terrible upset. Elderly folks think differently about things like this,and it may be some comfort to your Grandmother, knowing that she is thought of so much.

Please don't cancel them. I think it will be comforting to know that he was still thinking of her to the end.

Another please do not cancel here.
He was thinking of her and being "normal". Lovely way to remember.
Very sorry for your distress at the moment.

I think it would be cruel to cancel his last gift to her and you shouldn't get to make that call of cancelling them without her knowing.

I am very sorry OP.

But please please don’t cancel the last gift to his wife. She will be broken anyway and receiving them will make her cry but she will also be grateful it is something from him. Please listen to your father and don’t cancel them. Maybe give the florists a heads up for whoever is delivering but don’t cancel.

Why would you cancel them? As pp said its his gift to her, not your decision.

Surely it’s worse for your grandmother to think her husband forgot the run up to their last anniversary together?
I’m sure the flowers will upset her in the short term and I would try and make sure family are around when she receives them (if possible) but they will bring comfort in the future (I would look into drying and preserving some of them for example).

I guess it may be imminent grief talking, but what a wildly inappropriate and 'none of your business' suggestion that is! Of course you shouldn't do this and your father is presumably even closer to them than you. He wouldn't do this.

Wow.

Wow REALLY not your place to cancel his last gift to his wife. What a lovely thing for her to know he was thinking of her and his marriage.

Absolutely none of your business

Don’t cancel them.

How much harder do you think her first anniversary as a widow is going to be without them. It’s going to be unbearably shit but knowing he was thinking of her and ordered them might make it a tiny bit better.

Butt out. Sorry to hear your GF is so unwell but it's not your decision. The flowers are ordered, leave it be.

Let her have her flowers, I had a present from my mum a few days after she died as it was my birthday and I will so glad to get it. Conversely in laws decided to ignore my birthday as it might "upset" me.. and it was like an extra blow at a time when cards and good wishes would have really meant something.

*was not will

Nope. Nope and nope. How lovely that she will recieve the last gift he sent her. She could get them preserved and popped in a frame if she wants to keep them for sentimental reasons 😁

I know you are trying to do the right thing, but your grandmother will be devastated by his death, not by receiving flowers.

It would be cruel interfere in a marriage in this way, you really have no right to cancel your grandfathers thoughtful gift to his wife.

Yes it will be bitter sweet, but it’s what he wanted. And receiving the flowers won’t make the pain of losing him worse.

@CherryPavlova

Well we rather expected my 95 year old mother to die after a massive stroke 18 months ago - she is still here, so you might juts be jumping the gun rather.

No, don't cancel, you have absolutely no right to do so and risk taking away a small pleasure.

I can assure you I'm not jumping the gun on this. Half my family, including DF, have some form of medical training. If DF is saying 24 hours he's unlikely to be wrong

It would be wrong of you to cancel. For so many reasons.

@HelpMeh

I would still want flowers from my husband! Don't cancel them! I'd be so upset if someone cancelled my gift.

This exactly. It's such a lovely thing definitely don't cancel.

I think it’s lovely for her to know he was thinking about her before he took unwell

This!
Please don't cancel, it was his gift to her and what sounds like their anniversary tradition.
I think she'd be even more upset if she knew they were cancelled, or didn't receive them - it'd be nice to think even just before being taken ill he was thinking of her.

It’s nothing to do with you really. You can’t just cancel an order someone made because you think they might die. It’s up to your dad to decide what to do, not you.