To ask you to tell me about your 13 year old daughter

[Confusedismyname]

Daughter has always been pretty easy going until lately (apart from being a messy mare) She’s now stroppy, argumentative and has started lying over the most ridiculous things, things that wouldn’t even get her into trouble.

She normally gets on with her sibling, but lately she’s been causing more arguments.

I’m sure it’s ‘normal’ behaviour for her age, but it’ll be good to hear from others with daughters of similar ages.

Thanks in advance. 😀

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DD (13) is mainly still easy going and pleasant. We are close and can talk about it if one of us is feeling fed up etc. I have reasonable expectations and she goes along with it because it's not unreasonable. Ds however was a grumpy, stroppy demon at this age. I think it totally depends on personality, environment and levels of raging hormones!

I don’t have a daughter but I was a nightmare teen. Started from 13 to 16. My parents split, dad was an alcoholic and mum moved in with a new man and I was basically forgotten about. I was argumentative, cheeky, disrespectful, rude, difficult, angry, heartbroken, alone. Has anything changed in her life that’s made her change?

@Confusedismynameonfused. i couldve written this thread myself. My 12 DD year old was the most polite respectful child anyone could imagine. She turns into the incredible hulk at the drop of a hat lately. Hope its the hormones and will pass

Mine rolls her eyes at at least half the things I say

It's very wearing at times

My DD is 14 and in the last few months has become very argumentative over the smallest of things. Her tone sometimes! So much hatred!
My eldest is 17, DS, and is and has always been so easy going so she has shocked me with her sudden change and attitude

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I mentioned it to my HV who mentioned she had similar but the other way round so DS who changed in early teenage years and DD who remained her easy going self

I feel your pain...my daughter was sweet and so happy going she used to skip everywhere until she was 10! She rarely cried - maybe once a year? At 12 it was like...who is this person? She became demanding and stroppy and cried several times a day. Life was all about her. Apparently at 14 their brain develops further and they realised that their behaviour does affect other people so it gets a bit easier. My advice is to pick your battles because if you are constantly fighting life becomes a constant tug of war.

Yep dd is 15 and 14 has been by far the hardest age so far I'm hoping we turned a corner a little now but she still can be rude demanding selfish and spiteful at times.

She had lovely cards from her friends at school for her birthday saying what a kind a good friend she is so I guess we did do something right!

Thanks 🙂

I do try to pick my battles but I’ve started perimenopause and struggling myself.

We had a nice chat last night and so far it’s been a good day.

Sounds like my teen.

There's a book my school recommended to read. Untangled by Lisa Damour. Really helped me to understand why they behave like they do. Mine is 18 next week and back to the lovely girl she once was. It's temporary, don't worry!

Mines 13 and three weeks out of four shes a bit mouthy and eye rolls a lot but bearable.
Period week shes something else. The hatred that comes out of her mouth, door slamming, stropping off and defiance is hard work.

My kids are still little, but I remember when I was teaching, I had the loveliest form. They went off for summer holidays at the end of year 9, lovely little angels. 6 weeks later, they came back and OMG! The girls had morphed into absolute stroppy nightmares! It was bonkers! You all have my utmost sympathy! I am not looking forward to the teenage years 😂

Yep mine’s 14.

Enough said😖

Yep, I have a 14 year old and 18 year old dd's.
Eldest dd's difficult time was 15-16.
Youngest dd, who saw the way elder dd treated me, ensured she would never do that.
As it happens, she is far, far worse.
I dread what's going to come out of her bedroom in the morning, it is rarely a happy dd

[quote mammato5]@Confusedismynameonfused. i couldve written this thread myself. My 12 DD year old was the most polite respectful child anyone could imagine. She turns into the incredible hulk at the drop of a hat lately. Hope its the hormones and will pass [/quote]
Oh yes, having this fun too

Eldest DD was awful from 13. Agressive, sometimes violent, tantrums, swearing, terrible anxiety leading to school refusal. Got into a bad crowd and started drinking and taking drugs. Started to come out of it at 17 and by 18 was relatively okay. She's always going to be stroppy and quite hard work because that's her personality but she's also intelligent, hard working and fiercely protective of her sisters.

Middle DD has ASD so there were particular issues for her but on the whole she was quite easy going.

Youngest went through a rough patch at 15, largely related to school. She also did a bit of hanging around the park drinking but no drugs thank goodness. At 16 she seems over that phase and back to her good natured, slightly dippy self.

To be honest dd1 broke me and my mental health suffered badly. I felt I was just hanging on for dear life, trying to help her and picking up the pieces. I truly feared for her life at times and I know she experienced things I wish she hadn't. However, having survived it we are very close as she has said she appreciates me not giving up on her. She says she just remembers being so angry but not knowing why.

Well, DD is 12.5 - she gets in a flap if DH so much as says her name or asks her to do anything at all, but I think that's kind of his own fault for having a temper and not picking his battles, so I'm not wholly suprised she pitches a fit every time he asks her to do anything.

I’ve got 2 dds.
The oldest is 17 and is reasonably manageable most days, 13-14 years she was terrible. She can be very ‘cutting’ sarcastic and disrespectful to me and dh now but most of the moodiness has gone.
Youngest was a ‘mummy’s girl’ and really sweet.
She turned 13 in August and she is now moody/angry/dramatic.
Lots of door slamming. Taking offence at nothing ‘dd would you like a drink?’ ‘F off’

If she is like dd1 she’ll be better in a couple of years. In the meantime we keep confiscating the phone which helps somewhat, I really feel the pressure on them to always be available/online is part of the problem.
She is a better person if she is not glued to her phone. In this house you hand your phone in overnight until you are 16 - non negotiable!

Echobelly same here.
Dh is quite impatient, intolerant.
Mine also will never back down or apologise even when clearly in the wrong.
The girls now see right through this...

This is a very validating thread! I've been feeling a bit sad lately tbh, acknowledging that my sweet girl has been replaced by a stroppy pre-teen with serious attitude. Hard isn't it? I just remind myself, this is the natural order of things and once we navigate through this we are out the other side. My mother was horrible to me when I was a teenager and I've always sworn I'll be more understanding....I'm doing my best! Deep breaths, "this too shall pass."

@KateF However, having survived it we are very close as she has said she appreciates me not giving up on her.

That's really lovely actually and resonates with me as that's the kind of parent I want to be. I focus on coming out the other side and being closer because of it.

I’ve found my people! DD13 very challenging after being a generally easy child. I feel battered by her behaviour and ‘sarcasm’. Peers are very influential. Nice to hear others have come out the other side.