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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just want to go home

53 replies

welshpixie · 04/12/2020 14:59

First off I know we should all worship the NHS, and I am a great supporter, but this is too much.
I was sent to hospital no.1 in June with suspected heart issues ( vessel disease and a dodgy aortic valve) 2 weeks later I got sent home, after numerous tests that said I needed by-pass surgery and being put on a transfer list to the main university hospital for surgery.
Fast forward to 11th November I has similar symptoms again, this time I was sent to bigger hospital (No. 2).
Unfortunately someone in the acute unit tested positive for covid, so I was classed as a contact and had to be isolated for 2 weeks, fair enough if somewhat annoying.
I was then moved to BIG university hospital (No.3) for surgery, was told it would be asap s I had been waiting so long. Arrive in No.3 to be told may be next week depending on the bed situation, Now for the kicker, I was due to go for surgery today, had all pre op tests. maerked up where the vessels were being removed from, woken at 6 despite me saying I thought I as second on the list, still had to be up to watch others have breakfast, showered in their special soap, more faffing and then wait. AND WAIT AND WAIT
at 1.30 the head boss came in and said very sorry we can't do it today, its being postponed till Tuesday.
I am not allowed home to see my partner, he can't visit me, I am 1.5 hours away from home, and the stupid man stood there and said "I understand how you feel". No you bloody well don't, I haven't seen any of my family in over 3 weeks and you casually claim you understand.
Am AIBU in thinking this Covid paranoia has gone too far and if we treated prisoners in this way there would be an outcry.

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 04/12/2020 21:07

I feel for you OP as it must be very upsetting.

BUT if you were in America right now, if you didn't have treatment you'd be acquiring potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt or you'd go untreated.

Things are definitely not ideal, but for now you are in a safe place and things are progressing for you.

Have you got something good to read?

BonnieDundee · 04/12/2020 21:50

I'm so sorry. That does sound terrible.Flowers

BonnieDundee · 04/12/2020 21:51

But no we should not worship the NHS

Chloemol · 04/12/2020 22:10

It happens, someone could have been in an accident needing more urgent treatment, at least our healthcare is free

If you are not happy discharge yourself

Clarinsmum · 04/12/2020 22:16

The NHS IS NOT FREE!! We pay for it with our high taxes!!!

amicissimma · 04/12/2020 22:20

What's the US got to do with anything? There are rather more than 2 health care models in the world.

HollaHolla · 04/12/2020 22:21

It’s a shitty situation to be in, but you can comfort yourself with the thought that, if others are being taken ahead of you, then you’re not as ill. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’ve done the waiting around for specialist surgery, hours from home (a short flight), and unsure of how long I’d be there, and it’s crap, but hopefully you have some good books/music/podcasts/movies on your tablet - and that you get your surgery soon. Hope it’s goes well.

Fluffybutter · 04/12/2020 22:24

I really hope you can get sorted and home soon.
I can’t imagine how hard it must be being away from you family for so long and have the worry of being in hospital in the current climate and an operation.
Sending lots of well wishes and a speedy recovery to you Flowers

isadoradancing123 · 04/12/2020 22:24

Yes but we are not in the u s a and we pay for the nhs if we were allowed to opt out we could afford to pay private healthcare

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/12/2020 22:25

Ok. As someone who grew up with free at point of entry healtcare as well, I don't get the 'masturbating' over "an amazing free NHS"... It's just. Weird. Honestly. One would think everyone in NHS is a volunteer getting shot at every day the way people here are going on about it. It great to support and respect your health care system, it's weird to have badges with "I♥️NHS".

Sorry.
This absolutely sucks, OP! Feel free to moan. Hope it gets better for you

Isadora2007 · 04/12/2020 22:25

It’s crap he says he understands how you feel- he doesn’t. But you presumably can’t go home etc as you’d need to be retested for covid on return and risk not being able to get surgery.
It is bloody crap though but what other choice do the hospital have?

Athinginitself · 04/12/2020 22:28

Well it's not great for you and it's fine you are pissed off but I'm not sure what you mean by covid paranoia, clearly we need poorly people with cardiac issues to avoid getting getting covid, so letting your partner in to visit isn't happening. You're not a prisoner you can leave you just wont be able to have the surgery you need on Tues, as presumably they'll want you to make sure you are covid free before you infect other sick people and to give you the best chance of recovery. I'm sure you would be the first to complain if someone else's partner came to visit tonight and you got infected and then your surgery delayed again. Everyone is just doing their best in a really shitty situation.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 04/12/2020 22:30

The Dr you accuse if not understanding may not be able to see their family either.

I can understand you're fed up, maybe lonely ? Msybe scared?

But you're being unreasonable blaming the very people who are trying their best to 'fix' you.

They didn't cause, nor can they change a pandemic & chronic underfunding.

I hope it goes ahead Tuesday & you can get hone soon 🌸

Wingedharpy · 04/12/2020 22:42

YANBU to be upset and disappointed that your surgery has not gone ahead.

YABU to describe the "head boss", the person who is trying to explain and apologise to you, as a "stupid man".
You won't be the first person he has ever spoken to who is in this situation, so, he probably does have a very good idea of how you're feeling.

Hope all goes to plan for you on Tuesday.

Cygne · 04/12/2020 22:46

You lost me a bit when you accused a doctor whose fault this definitely is not of being stupid. And for all you know he does actually understand how you feel. Lots of health professionals didn't see their homes or families for weeks during the first lockdown.

PhineasRedux · 04/12/2020 22:48

OP, it's rubbish for you. You are one of very many people who are having a rotten time because of a stupid virus. The paranoia about COVID is just ridiculous.

I don't subscribe to the "I ❤️ NHS" culture, either. There are people who work in the NHS who are brilliant, people who are mediocre, and people who are crap at their jobs. Just like any other organisation.

We pay for this service, and people are paid to provide it. Some are paid very poorly; others are paid very well. But I can't subscribe to the whole mawkish love-in for people who have chosen to do a particular job and who are remunerated for it.

I have had a couple of brushes with A&E, and I have thanked the individuals who helped to my life, wholeheartedly and without reservation. I don't think the institution as a whole is worthy of slavish adulation, though.

Dullardmullard · 04/12/2020 22:51

Vent away it helps truly it does

I’m waiting on surgery too and I’m just waiting and waiting.....

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/12/2020 22:54

BUT if you were in America right now, if you didn't have treatment you'd be acquiring potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt or you'd go untreated

What is the difference? It is not as if she has been treated here so there would be no debt.

In the end you end up going private because the NHS just won’t treat you.

Friend is from mainland Europe and she tells me the NHS is the topic of a lot of jokes in her country about how rubbish the service is.

notangelinajolie · 04/12/2020 22:54

I am so sorry OP but it will get done. My very elderly FIL had triple heart bypass surgery just 3 months ago and he was in for nearly a month before they operated. It has changed his life and looking back to the day he was rushed in - in the midst of this pandemic, we never in a million years thought they would save him and operate. But operate they did and there is now a very sprightly 83 year old looking forward to getting the vaccination and going on holiday next year.

It will happen - I am sure Flowers

Mydogmylife · 04/12/2020 22:56

@Cygne

You lost me a bit when you accused a doctor whose fault this definitely is not of being stupid. And for all you know he does actually understand how you feel. Lots of health professionals didn't see their homes or families for weeks during the first lockdown.
Agreed! And I bet you're not the only person who hasn't seen family in 3 weeks. I understand it's annoying but really you need to calm the f down. Calling a doctor stupid in these circumstances is just rude
Berlioz23 · 04/12/2020 22:59

Feel for you OP but cancellations happen a lot, even before covid. HCPs can never determine when an emergency will happen and as pp has said it’s good in a way because you aren’t as ill as those people (well for you anyway). After you have had your op and recovered a few extra days now will all be forgotten. As for covid paranoia my neighbor down the street had emergency surgery after a ruptured appendix but caught covid in hospital and isnt in a great condition. They’re 41.These measures are put in place for everyone’s safety. With all this in mind I’m sorry to say yabu slightly. Must be very frustrating but good luck for Tuesday.

Rosebel · 04/12/2020 22:59

Oh I feel for you. What a shit situation. I really hope they do the operation on Tuesday as at least then you can focus on going home
Covid has fucked things up for so many.
I doubt the doctor understands how you feel either, even if he was separated from his family he wasn't stuck in hospital 24/7 and got paid for his work and presumably could have made the decision to see his family. So ignore people who say the staff know, they don't.
I really hope things go well for you. Is there a chance they'll let you go home if it's cancelled, even if you have to be tested for Covid on your return?

Retiremental · 04/12/2020 23:01

I hope you get your surgery and are home soon.

One of the potential reasons for it being cancelled is because the lack of potential HDU/ICU beds in case one was required post op. On any given day, a number of different specialities will be operating and if there is NO HDU/ICU capacity in hospital, because they are occupied with Covid patients, then tough decisions have to be made about which surgeries should go ahead.

grisen · 04/12/2020 23:01

I grew up with three models of healthcare, the NHS, another free at the point of service health care system and a paid for health care system, although no special insurance and nowhere near US prices.

I hate the NHS. It’s great in theory but is let down by itself.

lockupyourcinammon · 04/12/2020 23:06

so discharge yourself and go home. No? Then just be grateful you’re well enough to be bumped down the list