To never let my ex have my dog ever again?

[RaggedyDoll1]

Long story short ex and I split two years ish ago and ex never bothered about the dog.
I moved back in with ex briefly to get on my feet to buy a house (ex was living in a house rented from me at the time, I wasn't living off ex, my own properly if relevant).

Suddenly wants to have dog for 3 weeks I said no,a week max.

Last week ex arranged for their colleague to collect dog from me and I let it happen.

For last two days ex has ignored my calls and messages asking how dog is.
I ring exs housemate (mutual friend) last night and ex isnt there. The story I was given is, that exs new partner has been staying for a few days and has broken her glasses..in order to get some more glasses, has had them delivered to her house which is in Scotland, a two hour drive from where ex lives. So she has had to go and collect them and taken ex with her.

I have 3 issues with this.

1. I specifically said not to leave dog with housemate. Ex knows I dont like that and didnt when I lived with them
2. I dont like that ex doesnt answer my msgs as ex knows I'd be anxious at this situation.
3. ex was very abusive to me when we were together and I believe 2)is just a form of control. One msg back would be fine, I've only sent more (hours apart,I havent been pestering) because I didnt get a reply.

Also I know the glasses thing is a lie!
Who the feck would drive a 2 hr journey in this situation?! Why not just buy some cheap ones for now or get them delivered to ex's house?
And how stupid do they think I am.. if girlfriend needs glasses that badly how is she driving in the dark for two hours while unable to see (Ex cant drive)??

I know not everyone likes dogs and I may sound precious. Fwiw I've had ddog since birth however (he was an reject) and am very attached plus I was very depressed when ex left and honestly do not know where I'd have been without ddog at times.

Wibu to veto any dog 'visitations' in future?

YANBU not to ever let him have it, but given ex never bothered with the dog whilst you were with him, I wouldn't have let him have the dog in the first place.

You're right swit..I know I really shouldn't have..I feel like I've given something very precious to me to someone who really didn't deserve it. :(

Don't worry about it now. Where is the dog now, sorry? Can you get it from the housemate?

If you know where they are just go and get them?

I don’t understand why you would ever let him borrow your dog in the first place. Go get your dog and don’t ever do this again.

I assume you’ve retrieved the dog ?

You can't share a dog. When the dog comes back, tell himnthe arrangement isn't working and so the dog will be staying with you for now on. Even if he huffs and puffs for a bit, he'll get over it and it'll be ome less things he can exert control about.

get the dog back asap if you haven't already, what if he refuses to give him back to you?

I don’t understand why, if he was so abusive you A, went and lived with him again for a time, even if you were paying your own way, and B, let him have the dog. You need to work on your boundaries.

I would say definitely go and get your dog back and never allow ‘visitations’ again! YANBU - ex hasn’t shown that they can be responsible (or frankly that they care enough about dog) because they have left your dog with someone else to go and do their own thing!

I’d also say if ex is abusive then try to cut ties (as best you can with mutual friends/ex renting off you). I hope it all works out OP

Eh? Why did you give h the dog?

I would absolutely drive for 2 hours to get new glasses if mine broke. With the broken ones sellotaped together if need be. I'd be absolutely lost without them (and I don't need glasses to drive, just for reading and pc work)

Get the dog back, no lending it again.

Ex is meant to have DDog until Saturday. I ALMOST went and retreived last night-was talked out of it by my Dad who said just let this ride out, and keep quiet about knowing they've left the dog, and just never let it occur again, I'd look like a drama queen if i turned up and give ex satisfaction. I was so close to doing it. Ex is meant to return dog tomorrow.
aryastark I've been having nightmares about that :( I'd be distraught :(
I really feel stupid for doing this. I work nights-and finish at 8 am on Sunday. If dog isn't back, I am just going to drive over. Against lockdown rules, I realise.

*and I have a very wierd prescription so can't just pick up a pair of cheapo glasses. For this yabu.

I hope he gives it back @RaggedyDoll1, is the microchip in your name ?

Floral yes.

I'm sorry ffs. What would you have done?

I've just spoken to someone else however who has said gf doesnt even wear glasses. I knew ex was lying.

Just go and get the dog ASAP and never let him have him again

Wait until you get Ddog back before you give him the news.
Yanbu

Go get the dog.

It isn’t about the dog for him.

It is a stick to poke you with.

Report them for driving into Scotland.

I'd go and get the dog right now.

Go and get the dog now then don’t let him have it again

Get your dog right now, and never let him near again. Who cares if you look like a drama queen at least your dog will be safe which is surely more important

Just go and get your dog. You left him with your ex not his housemate

I would just go get the dog.

I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't give the dog back. Or at least returned the dog later.