To be suffocated by my relationship with my parents since moving home?

[Willow79]

I am only child and because of that I have always been a focus for my parents. I am late 20s and have spent half my 20s living abroad. During this time my parents would visit me once or twice a year and we had a distant but pleasant enough relationship (well actually - my relationship with my mother was fine but I grew apart from my dad who stopped contacting me at all really).

I returned home to the UK last year to live. It was hard as I was just settling back in when covid struck. I live alone and I think my parents worried but I've mainly been fine. I have friends and dont mind alone time.

But since I've returned they crave closeness with me to the the point of suffocation. I was added to a family WhatsApp where my parents try to interact with me every day. My mum wants to talk multiple times a day every day mostly and wants to see me often. My dad phones for long phone calls every week.

I love my parents but I never wanted this level of closeness with them. I don't know how to broach this without upsetting them but it is starting to get me down. Any advice?

The trick is to stick to your boundaries. Chatting between 5pm and 6pm each day. Not replying otherwise. The issue is that you crumbled at the first hurdle when you should have stood firm and enforced the new routine till it was in place. It might have taken a month of persistence. Expect things to be rocky initially but be persistent and keep bringing it back to the 5-6pm slot. Don’t reply in between.

Tell her what your plan is so she knows you’re not being awkward.

Hi mum The phone is driving me crazy at the moment. I’m stopping using my phone as much as I have been. I’m going to contact you between 5-6 each day from now on though as i love our catch ups. Love you Xx

I actually stopped speaking to her for a few days. She apologised and blamed her mental health at the time.

I think this is the only way out. I had a similar experience a few weeks ago where I forgot I had arranged to call my mum and ended up calling her 30 mins late (once I remembered). She didn't pick up the phone and then once she eventually did she said "I'm upset and I don't want to talk to you right now" as if I'd done something awful. I just said "right ok well let me know when you do".

The emotional blackmail is horrible but I think you just need to stay firm. The reality is that your parents clearly want you in their lives so you actually have more power in this relationship than you think you do.