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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let ex see dogs

67 replies

clpsmum · 03/12/2020 20:18

To cut a long story short stbxh and I split three years ago and he moved out. Had a flexible arrangement regarding our 3 dogs.
The arrangement was that basically I was a pushover and let him take whichever one he wanted whenever it suited him. He didn't contribute to walking, food, working, flea treatment or vets. Would occasionally go halves with me on grooming bill.

During lockdown he asked me to book them into groomers for a certain date and he would pay for them. I did this and took them on said date only for him to tell me on a message "do you think I'm dumb you're not getting a penny out of me". This was two days before my sons birthday and I was left stuck with a £120 bill I could not afford. As a result I said you're not seeing them anymore if you're not contributing in anyway you're not jist turning up and taking them whenever you feel like it. He also used them as an excuse to be backwards and forward to the house.

Sadly on Monday one of my beautiful boys had to be put to sleep and died peacefully in my arms 😰. I informed him via email. He basically blamed me. He now wants to see the other two. Is it unreasonable of me to say he has not seen them since May or contributed or even offered to in anyway since long before then therefore the dogs are now mine and you are not seeing them again??

Sorry if I've rambling on a bit

OP posts:
freezedriedromance · 03/12/2020 20:19

Dogs are property, and unlike children don't need to have a contact arrangement. Tell him to fuck off. They are your dogs.

Original poster
clpsmum · 03/12/2020 20:25

@freezedriedromance thank you! I thought that but wanted to double check before I either ignored him or told him exactly that!!

OP posts:
CockleburIck · 03/12/2020 20:27

Agree with above. Tell him to fuck off.

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/12/2020 20:27

So sorry you lost one of your dogs, OP. Flowers

Providing the dogs aren't pining after him, YANBU.

coconutpie · 03/12/2020 20:28

Yep tell him to fuck off.

MrsLebowski · 03/12/2020 20:29

Yes tell him to get lost.

mbosnz · 03/12/2020 20:31

Wanting isn't the same as getting.

Don't share the responsibility, but want all of the pleasure and privilege? Yeah, nah mate. Being a manipulative and deceitful knob has consequences. They've just turned up to bite you in the arse. . .

Kidssendingmenuts · 03/12/2020 20:31

Another vote to tell him to fuck off.

mummmy2017 · 03/12/2020 20:37

Yeah, he never paid, so he doesn't get a say in the dogs

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/12/2020 20:39

I wouldn’t have let him see them at all. He sounds a right controlling tossed who just wants to keep tabs on you.

Suzi888 · 03/12/2020 20:41

I was all prepared to say you were being unreasonable, until
“During lockdown he asked me to book them into groomers for a certain date and he would pay for them. I did this and took them on said date only for him to tell me on a message "do you think I'm dumb you're not getting a penny out of me". This was two days before my sons birthday and I was left stuck with a £120 bill I could not afford. As a result I said you're not seeing them anymore if you're not contributing in anyway you're not jist turning up and taking them whenever you feel like it. He also used them as an excuse to be backwards and forward to the house.”
I was sort of envisioning someone heartbroken about not seeing their dogs. He sounds like a shit, he doesn’t love the dogs they’re a pawn. Do not let him see them, they are yours.

Sorry for your loss Sad

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 03/12/2020 20:44

Same as others have said tell him to fuck off and the grooming bill incident just makes me think he uses the dogs as a way to make your life difficult. He’s a cunt.
Sorry for your loss.

Original poster
clpsmum · 03/12/2020 20:46

Awwww thank you everyone I am sitting here in tears at your kindness. Must admit losing my boy very suddenly has made me very emotional and more protected rice of the other two. Can't thank you all enough glad it is not me being a cow!

OP posts:
Pugdogmom · 03/12/2020 20:53

I lost one of my beloved dogs this week too OP, so understand how you feel.
However re your ex, seems a nice arrangement for him to get the fun of the dogs but not put any work into them or pay for upkeep. I'd tell him to fuck off.

HappyDaze90 · 03/12/2020 20:54

Fuck that arsehole. Don’t tell him anymore about the dogs (I understand why you emailed him, and I’m so very sorry for your loss) but you have no obligation to tell him shit anymore. They are your dogs. You feed them, walk them and pay for everything. He’s got no claims. Sounds a right prick.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 03/12/2020 20:57

Imo he is simply using your ddogs as sticks to beat you with...

Mydogmylife · 03/12/2020 21:02

So sorry about your boy - I would be gutted. I'm assuming that the dogs aren't particularly pining for him, so tell him to F off . I doubt he really cares and is using them as a tool to grind your gears .

Bibidy · 03/12/2020 21:03

Yes I agree, I think with dogs 'custody' needs to be agreed during the break up. As in, you decide who is going to have the dogs and that's the end of it.

It's hard enough having to maintain relationships with exes due to kids, let alone taking on that stress over dogs.

Nordman · 03/12/2020 21:04

So sorry for the loss of your fur baby.
Yes, echoing everyone else, I'd tell him to sod off. They are your dogs.

WinterWhore · 03/12/2020 21:06

If he wants to see a dog so bad tell him to look in the mirror, seeing as hes being such a little bitch.

I agree, tell him to fuck off.

MrsAudreyShapiro · 03/12/2020 21:08

YANBU he is being an arse.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Fudgemonkeys · 03/12/2020 21:12

Whose name(s) are the dogs in? If yours only he can't do anything, if joint then he'd be able to see them but should pay half of all costs. So sorry to hear about your loss. 😪

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/12/2020 21:15

if you are paying for everything, and doing all the care, and he lets you down on any agreed payments or care, it doesn't matter whose name they are in, he has abandoned them with you and they are your dogs.

Tell him to stick it up his bum.

Overtime2019 · 03/12/2020 21:17

I am so sorry about your dog.Yeah tell him to get to fuck dogs aren’t toys that you can just pick up when you want.

Mum198000 · 03/12/2020 21:18

Just don’t respond. No further contact, nothing.

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