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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let ex see dogs

67 replies

clpsmum · 03/12/2020 20:18

To cut a long story short stbxh and I split three years ago and he moved out. Had a flexible arrangement regarding our 3 dogs.
The arrangement was that basically I was a pushover and let him take whichever one he wanted whenever it suited him. He didn't contribute to walking, food, working, flea treatment or vets. Would occasionally go halves with me on grooming bill.

During lockdown he asked me to book them into groomers for a certain date and he would pay for them. I did this and took them on said date only for him to tell me on a message "do you think I'm dumb you're not getting a penny out of me". This was two days before my sons birthday and I was left stuck with a £120 bill I could not afford. As a result I said you're not seeing them anymore if you're not contributing in anyway you're not jist turning up and taking them whenever you feel like it. He also used them as an excuse to be backwards and forward to the house.

Sadly on Monday one of my beautiful boys had to be put to sleep and died peacefully in my arms 😰. I informed him via email. He basically blamed me. He now wants to see the other two. Is it unreasonable of me to say he has not seen them since May or contributed or even offered to in anyway since long before then therefore the dogs are now mine and you are not seeing them again??

Sorry if I've rambling on a bit

OP posts:
LilyLongJohn · 03/12/2020 23:35

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

As for the ex, tell him to 'do one'

Original poster
clpsmum · 03/12/2020 23:35

@OverTheRubicon he has been a nightmare since the split lots of abuse and gaslighting and blames me for everything! So much better off without him

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 03/12/2020 23:38

Thank you so much everybody I can't begin to tell you what your support means to me. I was expecting to be told that I am being unreasonable and the unanimous verdict that I am not is overwhelming. He is blocked everywhere but email. I have ignored his email and won't respond to him. Thank you so much everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 03/12/2020 23:40

My lovely boy 😰

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 03/12/2020 23:43

Oh smiley face. Lovely. Flowers

Beautiful3 · 04/12/2020 06:59

If he isn't nice to you then I would ignore him. Protecting your mental health is important. I'm sorry for your loss Flowers he was loved and enjoyed his life with you.

nowishtofly · 04/12/2020 07:28

What a lovely doggie Thanks

Twiddlet · 04/12/2020 14:00

Tell him to do one. He’s using the dogs to manipulate you. I’m fucking angry on your behalf tbh.

Twiddlet · 04/12/2020 14:01

And the boy you posted a picture of is just beautiful

AryaStarkWolf · 04/12/2020 14:06

Yep I'm on board with the tell him to Fuck off posters. Don't contact him about the dogs anymore even if one dies like last time, he doesn't appreciate the knowledge, he just used it as a stick to beat you with

Daphnise · 04/12/2020 14:08

The main thing here is that you have lost a loved dog, and I am sorry to hear that, you have looked after them and done your best.

As for the ex I fail to see you need to have much to do with him as regards the dogs, but rather than being drawn into a discussion (which will lead to you losing) just don't get involved with debate, and don't let him see the others. But above all don't give reasons or get into a squabble about it.

Best of luck.

Cagedbirdsinging · 04/12/2020 14:10

If you do have occasion to contact him again please will you tell him that it's a big fat fuck off from me too .
These flowers Flowers are for you .

GameSetMatch · 04/12/2020 14:18

Yes I agree with @freezedriedromance

midnightstar66 · 04/12/2020 14:25

So sorry about your beautiful dog. He's using them to keep tabs on you. I'd block him. Just be thankful that you never had dc with him. Don't worry if chips are in his name as you'll be able to prove you've been the one caring for them long term. If they are I bet he'll try that.

e1y1 · 04/12/2020 14:35

Like a PP I was prepared to come and roast you (ok exaggeration) but say you were being unreasonable, you can't just break a relationship with a pet.

But from what I read, No you are def NBU.

Tell him fuck off.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
clpsmum · 04/12/2020 17:04

Unfortunately we do have DC together. Rest assured he is consistent and tia no better with them. They decided to go NC during lockdown which is so sad as I don't want them not to have a relationship with their father but also know that he is damaging them and no good for their mental health to continue seeing him. Thank you everybody for all your support it really does me the world to me

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 05/12/2020 09:43

Was pouring down with rain all day yesterday so heard no more from him. Nice a bright today, nice dog walking day so no doubt he'll be wanting them!!

OP posts:
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