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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not let ex see dogs

67 replies

clpsmum · 03/12/2020 20:18

To cut a long story short stbxh and I split three years ago and he moved out. Had a flexible arrangement regarding our 3 dogs.
The arrangement was that basically I was a pushover and let him take whichever one he wanted whenever it suited him. He didn't contribute to walking, food, working, flea treatment or vets. Would occasionally go halves with me on grooming bill.

During lockdown he asked me to book them into groomers for a certain date and he would pay for them. I did this and took them on said date only for him to tell me on a message "do you think I'm dumb you're not getting a penny out of me". This was two days before my sons birthday and I was left stuck with a £120 bill I could not afford. As a result I said you're not seeing them anymore if you're not contributing in anyway you're not jist turning up and taking them whenever you feel like it. He also used them as an excuse to be backwards and forward to the house.

Sadly on Monday one of my beautiful boys had to be put to sleep and died peacefully in my arms 😰. I informed him via email. He basically blamed me. He now wants to see the other two. Is it unreasonable of me to say he has not seen them since May or contributed or even offered to in anyway since long before then therefore the dogs are now mine and you are not seeing them again??

Sorry if I've rambling on a bit

OP posts:
Mum198000 · 03/12/2020 21:18

Block and move on.

nowishtofly · 03/12/2020 21:20

'Oh hi Ex, are the dogs shared again now? The cost for the past year for insurance, vets bills, food and grooming is X, if you pop 50% of that into my bank account we can set up times when you can see them'.

Barbie222 · 03/12/2020 21:22

Good grief, the dogs will have forgotten all about him surely. Tell him to get another one and not bother you any more with yours!

Lonecatwithkitten · 03/12/2020 21:29

As a vet I see legal contact agreements regarding pets as a result of divorce usually as part of the financial consent order. We get detailed who pays for what and whose consent is required for what.
If you haven't yet done your financials maybe you need to consider this.
My own ExH wanted only the nice bits with our pets and me having arranged diagnosis and treatment of the difficult cat for 18 months. He is now angry that on Tuesday the cat collapsed and was in a lot of pain and distress and I made the decision to euthanise.

notdaddycool · 03/12/2020 21:30

The dogs give him another chance to try to manipulate you and make you feel bad. Just break the link.

Throwntothewolves · 03/12/2020 21:36

As others have said, dogs are 'property', so as they live with you, they are just yours now. It doesn't matter who's 'name they are in' (where? The vet's?) he has no right to see them. If he wanted them he should have agreed to take them when he left.

I am very sorry for your loss, it really is devastating when you lose a much loved dog.

thosetalesofunexpected · 03/12/2020 21:39

Hi Op

Sorry about your loss.

Totally agree with the General census of all Posters comments here,
Your ex is a total waste of space.

He enjoys the status of having been seen with your pet dogs,(but not the effort of looking after them.

I can see why you must be glad to got shot him your ex....,

Your ex is a emotional head fuck who gets a kick out of using your pets as a very convient manipulative tool leveridge..

Your ex has effectively abandoned those pet dogs of yours a some ago..

Wheresmykimchi · 03/12/2020 21:39

@nowishtofly

'Oh hi Ex, are the dogs shared again now? The cost for the past year for insurance, vets bills, food and grooming is X, if you pop 50% of that into my bank account we can set up times when you can see them'.
This

But as he appears to be exploiting this sad situation , prepare for him to make out thats all you care about

Sorry for your loss Flowers

TwentyViginti · 03/12/2020 21:42

If he wants to see a dog so bad tell him to look in the mirror, seeing as hes being such a little bitch.

Grin

Sorry for the loss of your dog.

Ex is using them as a control tool as pps have said. Fuck him off.

dudsville · 03/12/2020 21:43

If voting head been enabled you'd have had such a significant majority, and he's an ass.

heuchterteuchter · 03/12/2020 21:44

my ex tried this with our dog when we split. like yours, he was just using her to control me.
Tell him to fuck off and block him everywhere. If the dogs are in your name, theres nothing he can do.
I stopped all access to her and made sure she was never left alone in the garden.
Sorry you lost your boy, dogs really are a girl's best friend.

LittlefairyMum · 03/12/2020 21:45

Cheeky fuck!

You did right Daffodil

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/12/2020 21:47

@Lonecatwithkitten

As a vet I see legal contact agreements regarding pets as a result of divorce usually as part of the financial consent order. We get detailed who pays for what and whose consent is required for what. If you haven't yet done your financials maybe you need to consider this. My own ExH wanted only the nice bits with our pets and me having arranged diagnosis and treatment of the difficult cat for 18 months. He is now angry that on Tuesday the cat collapsed and was in a lot of pain and distress and I made the decision to euthanise.
Have you lost Posh Arrogant Boy? I’m so sorry. He was quite the character wasn’t he?. That must have been awful for you.
Tinacollada · 03/12/2020 21:47

You definitely need to tell him to fuck off.

Cherrysoup · 03/12/2020 21:49

If you don’t share children, stop all contact. I’m so sorry you lost a dog this week, it is so hard.

OverTheRubicon · 03/12/2020 21:51

Was he abusive when you were together?

My uncle behaved (behaves) exactly like this to my aunt, it was because he's an abusive arse who likes to keep everyone on a leash and yank it every now and then to check he's still the boss.

You deserve better, and so do your dogs, because he clearly doesn't give a toss about them. Sorry for your loss, channel your grief into working up some rage and some.steel for your backbone, tell him no.and stop answering his contacts.

Pinkypink · 03/12/2020 21:51

@WinterWhore had it spot on.

So sorry for your loss.
Am really hoping he is not the father of your kid/s and you can cut him out your life totally and permanently.

Fluffybutter · 03/12/2020 21:52

What a cunt.
So sorry you lost one of your boys Flowers
Ignore the fucker , he deserves nothing.

Osteomancer · 03/12/2020 21:54

@nowishtofly

'Oh hi Ex, are the dogs shared again now? The cost for the past year for insurance, vets bills, food and grooming is X, if you pop 50% of that into my bank account we can set up times when you can see them'.
This, but don't forget to add on interest
Lonecatwithkitten · 03/12/2020 21:55

@Fluffycloudland77 yes he has had HCM for the last 18 months which a blood clot is a known complication of and on Tuesday evening he developed an aortic thromboembolism. Inspite of methadone he was very, very distressed vocalising and pulling himself around the kennel. I felt it just wasn't fair to put him through treatment that has only a 25% success rate when he was so distressed. There is a massive colour pointed hole in our lives.

Honeyroar · 03/12/2020 21:57

So sorry for the loss of your lovely dog. But enough of his shit. If you haven’t got shared kids block him completely everywhere. If you have got kids and need to keep contact just tell him you’re busy, but he can see them when he picks the children up, not other times.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 03/12/2020 23:22

So sorry to hear about the loss of your pup

But yeah fuck the ex. He sounds like a dick

Original poster
clpsmum · 03/12/2020 23:31

@WinterWhore that made me laugh so much thank you xx

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 03/12/2020 23:32

@Lonecatwithkitten sending big hugs. It's such a hard decision but you didn't the right thing xx

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 03/12/2020 23:35

Really sorry about you dog who passed. It really tough. Support.

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