I lost my shit by email

[Nicholashaslosthisknickers]

I know I shouldn't have done, I wish I hadn't and I've taken steps so that it won't happen ever again.

There is a backstory but I'm not sure it's entirely relevant, I will give details if it affects the ability to give me any advice.

I lost my shit via email. No swearing and no threats but lots of criticism of the other person and lots of criticism of their abilities. There were about five emails from me in total, growing in their anger as they went along. The recipient was very formal and didn't engage but was essentially asking me to do something that she didn't understand was an incorrect course of action. Think along the lines of 'you incompetent idiot'. I KNOW I WAS THE IDIOT for doing this.

The recipient was my former employer although I was self-employed and had no contract.

Can I get into trouble legally?

@Bluntness100

What legal ramifications do you imagine would arise from calling someone an incompetent idiot and copying other people in?

Eh, it’s called defamation and is illegal in the Uk.

Yeh spot on, the courts are just chock full of cases of name calling in emails aren't they?

It's not defamatory to tell someone what you think of them. If she tells people and her reputation is as bad as you say, people will feel on your side. But you may not get employed by her again, if she is the person who hires you. In my experience, people who treat others badly professionally are out their depth and know it.

@Timeforabiscuit

Having worked in local government, my conversion to corporate speak is PERFECT.

By the sounds of things, you kept escalating with each subsequent email, you can either wholeheartedly apologise (after a cool off), or it might be on review the content isnt actually that bad? If it's coherent, with good spelling and punctuation then it is probably worse in your mind.

If you got the wrong end of the stick, and you ranted, that's when the ground opens up below you.

OP called them an incompetent idiot...

True incompetence is my pet hate so have sympathy for OP!

Argh I can't use the quote function today - @Bluntness100 :)

just write a very polite cool headed apology explaining that you were worried about the course of action they might have taken that it could have jeopardised x y and z and the consequence was your stress levels raising. I don't think you need to do any more than that to be honest.

@Nicholashaslosthisknickers
Emails and texts are dangerous in this regard.
I let fly years ago when I first had an email account and learned a lesson.
Too immediate.
Oldskool letters at least one had to get it to the post box, and calm down in the meantime

People DO network, especially if your field of
Work is small, but maybe apologise if you genuinely are sorry, and admit you acted unprofessionally...
Damage limitation?
Good luck.

Probably not.

It may be true you don't need her know, but as a PP said she might pop up again in future and you might need her on side. Incompetent people have a way of rising to the top! So it's a good rule of thumb to never piss anyone off, if possible. I have worked with/for some utter bellends and sworn Ill never have anything to do with them again - but I still let them down gently with "Oh dear I don't have time" because one day I might really need work that they can give me.

Ouch- sorry I hope there aren't too many repercussions.
I would say we have all put our foot in it!

She knows what you think of her now, and nothing you say will change that. I'd just let it be.

It sounds like it needed to be said. I wouldnt apologise. Just refuse to work with him/her again

I think you are ok legally if you didn’t cc other people, but you will have harmed your reputation. If someone spoke to me like that, I wouldn’t take it lying down. The fact they were very controlled in their response suggests they are careful and were perhaps giving you enough rope to hang yourself; which you subsequently did. The damage done depends on how influential this person is and whether they have a vengeful streak.

Never put anything in writing you wouldn’t be happy for anyone and everyone to see. You may not have cc’d others, but you have no control over where the recipient chooses to forward it.

@Bluntness100

What legal ramifications do you imagine would arise from calling someone an incompetent idiot and copying other people in?

Eh, it’s called defamation and is illegal in the Uk.

Oh dear the MN barrack room lawyers strike again.

Defamation is a civil wrong. It is not illegal to defame someone. If the statements are an expression of opinion (as in this case) or fact (which they may also be) they are not defamatory anyway.

If they are defamatory they need to cause serious harm to the individual's reputation, which cannot happen if both the OP and the recipient keep the emails private.

OP only you know if you should apologise. Maybe apologise for the anger and the way you expressed yourself, but the key point that you cannot do task a because of reasons b and c still stand.

I always tell my son that he should put nothing on social media that he would not want his grandmother to read. It isn't a bad adage for sending an email, either.

I would email to apologise but only for your own closure and mental health.
Apologise for the multiple emails and how you conveyed the message. I wouldn’t say that the issues still stand but that will be implied. Offer an olive branch of a coffee via zoom or a phone conversation.
These things happen OP try not to beat yourself up too much, you didn’t do anything horrendous.

Don't apologise it will show you are vulnerable. Maybe she is incompetent and you calling her out will make her way of crossing swords with you in future.
Leave it be, any apology will only make you look in the wrong if she does share the exchange with anyone. Hold your head high and look her in the eye while making sure you keep your cool in future exchanges.

Thanks very much to everyone. I think the harassment angle is the one I’d be worried about. Five emails in about two hours and getting increasingly irate at her responses each time showing her incompetence a little clearer. My blood was boiling and I’m embarrassed I allowed her to aggravate me so much. A valuable lesson has been learned.

This happened last week and I haven’t sent anything since so it was a short lived period of harassment if anything.

I’ve worried myself sick all weekend over it but I assume as time passes it’s less likely to be an issue? I hope!

Thanks for all the responses.

You need to watch more cat videos, the world is full of idiots and lazy people who cba.

Personally I'd be more concerned about your mental health.
It isn't healthy at all to send 5 ranting emails and was something I would have done in the days before my breakdown from stress and the menopause.
I've had counselling and medication since then and I'll walk away for a while before replying to emails.

What legal ramifications do you imagine would arise from calling someone an incompetent idiot and copying other people in?

To be fair it’s quite mild, I find “who shit on your cornflakes” worse.

One is not defamation but the other is certainly defecation.

As it was last week, I'd leave it.

If you'd realised immediately, you could have got back to her saying that you were very upset but that you shouldn't have expressed yourself that way.

Note to future self : don't do raging emails.

Can you do a Priti Patel type apology “I apologise IF YOU FELT I overstepped the mark” or whatever.

You behaved like a bully - it's not 'losing your shit' it's bullying.

If you are feeling ashamed of how you acted it might be worth apologising for your own piece of mind/conscience. First of all work out what you are sorry for and apologise for that. SO for example letting yourself get carried away, agressive language, etc. Dont apologise for the things you consider justified.

I doubt it was harassment. Forget about it - sounds as though she deserved to hear a few home truths.