To tell him about the big red man?

[HandyGirl76]

My son is 11 and just asked outright if Santa is real. I told him the truth because I felt I shouldn't lie to him but now his heart is broken and he won't stop crying.

I'm absolutely gutted, my husband said we should be honest if he asked as he was worried my son would be teased at school but I wish I hadn't listened. My heart hurts for my sad little boy.

You were right to tell him given that he asked you outright if he was real. Hopefully he will stop crying soon and you can talk to him about the real magic/meaning of Christmas

Came across this on Facebook thought it was a good way of explaining

For the parents of kids who ask the question is santa real???? 👇👇👇👇

What a beautiful way to explain it to your bigger kids ......

Son: "Dad, I think I'm old enough to know now. Is there a Santa Claus?"

Not being the world's fastest thinker, I stalled for time.

Dad: "OK, I agree that you're old enough. But before I tell you, I have a question for you. You see, the truth is a dangerous gift. Once you know something, you can't un-know it. Once you know the truth about Santa Claus, you will never again understand and relate to him as you do now. So my question is: Are you sure you want to know?"

Brief pause. Son: "Yes. I want to know."

Dad: "OK, I'll tell you: Yes, there IS a Santa Claus."

Son: "Really?"

Dad: "Yes, really, but he's not an old man with a beard in a red suit. That's just what we tell kids. You see, kids are too young to understand the true nature of Santa Claus, so we explain it to them in a way that they can understand. The truth about Santa Claus is that he's not a person at all; he's an idea. Think of all those presents Santa gave you over the years. I actually bought those myself. I watched you open them. And did it bother me that you didn't thank me? Of course not! In fact it gave me great pleasure. You see, Santa Claus is THE IDEA OF GIVING FOR THE SAKE OF GIVING, without thought of thanks or acknowledgement.

When I saw that woman collapse on the subway last week and called for help, I knew that she'd never know that it was me who summoned the ambulance. I was being Santa Claus when I did that."

Son: "Oh."

Dad: "So now that you know, you're part of it. You have to be Santa Claus too now. That means you can never tell a young kid the secret, and you have to help us select Santa presents for them, and most important, you have to look for opportunities to help share the joy.

At 11, you probably did the right thing. Although I would maybe have asked him what he thought and if he still really believed, I would have let him have one last Christmas believing. Sorry, that's probably not what you want to hear.

Does he have younger siblings? Could you make a thing of him becoming a grown up and involve him in the Santa experience for them? Or put him in charge of Elf on the Shelf?

My ds demanded tge same year4. I told him , he sobbed.. it wasn't the same that Christmas but next Christmas he embraced it all.

At 12 i asked him if he wanted tonput mince pue iut . Couldn't be bothhered.

Your Dh was right if he asked directly atvtgat age he needed to know

Thanks all. I feel really upset about it, who wants to deliberately upset their child. I wish I'd read the thread beforehand, I wish I could untell him

I’m in bloody tears @Theyhaveallbeenused2 it’s perfect and true.

When DH found out, he wasn't heartbroken - he was livid that his parents had thought it was okay to lie to him. Once they ask the direct question, I don't think it's fair to carry on.

@lanthanum

When DH found out, he wasn't heartbroken - he was livid that his parents had thought it was okay to lie to him. Once they ask the direct question, I don't think it's fair to carry on.

I really don't believe adults who say this. It's such a ridiculous mentality.

@moonbaby1 I was too..I
Hopefully I remember the word when the time comes to tell my wee guy

Yes, I find the whole thing about kids being devastated and grow up with trust issues, etc, because their parents dared to give them magical Christmas experiences ridiculous too @Wheresmykimchi. I don't think that is a typical reaction at all.
OP, as dreadful as it is, you have done the right thing. He wouldn't want to have been embarrassed in front of his friends so the fact that you've told him in a controlled, gentle way is better but of course that doesn't help him right now. He will be ok.

Thank you Ohthere, I'm not sure I will be!

@Theyhaveallbeenused2 that's such a lovely way to explain it

I felt betrayed, angry and embarrassed when I found out. I'm autistic so I'm not typical!

I’m 32 and I still believe!

My dd asked me outright and told me not to lie, she is in year 5. So I told her the truth, that there was a Santa, he was called St Nicolas and he gave presents to children a long time ago. That everyone thought this was such a wonderful idea that parents have been ‘Santa’ ever since, that it was about the spirit of Xmas, giving to others. She took it pretty well, she still wants to do the mince pie, carrot and milk!

She also asked me later that week about Halloween, she said “we celebrate Xmas because Jesus was born, and Easter because he died and came back to life, what did he do at Halloween?”

Turns out a few of her friends know about Santa at school and I’m fairly sure she knew the answer before she asked. She told me she didn’t like it because she doesn’t want to grow up yet. I’m sure your ds will be ok. It’s just a horrible time moving from childhood to adolescence and losing the magic.

Oh you poor thing, my son is the same age, and although (like your son I expect) he knows logically it’s not true, he wants to hang onto the Santa thing. I talked to him last month and told him that he’s older now and he shouldn’t talk about believing in Santa at school, he looked at me with pure sadness in his eyes and asked is that because it’s not real? I said “I’m your mum and I will tell you Santa is real when you’re 40 years old and I believe in the magic of Christmas, but kids at school will laugh at you for believing so just tell them you don’t) he KNOWS but he’s not ready for me to confirm it. You’re little boy will be ok as long as he knows nothing will change about the day, but I wish you weren’t going through it, I feel so sorry for you x

@Wheresmykimchi and yet, that was my ds's reaction too. Gobsmacked that the adults of the world conspired- his word not mine- to lie to all the children. As unlikely (again, his word) as magic would be, conspiring adults seemed even less likely.

Like a PP, he's almost certainly got ASD.

It's irritating Kimchi, when people doubt our experiences. That's three of us in a short space of time.

Thank you pudding. I'm so upset with myself and for him. The poor little chap has even written a letter to the bloody elf on the shelf saying how much he's looking forward to seeing him.

I cried when my parents told me even though I was already fully aware. I think it was a part of feeling more grown up like I was losing a bit of my childhood rather than being heartbroken.

Dad: "Yes, really, but he's not an old man with a beard in a red suit. That's just what we tell kids. You see, kids are too young to understand the true nature of Santa Claus, so we explain it to them in a way that they can understand. The truth about Santa Claus is that he's not a person at all; he's an idea. Think of all those presents Santa gave you over the years. I actually bought those myself. I watched you open them. And did it bother me that you didn't thank me? Of course not! In fact it gave me great pleasure. You see, Santa Claus is THE IDEA OF GIVING FOR THE SAKE OF GIVING, without thought of thanks or acknowledgement.

I can't imagine my parents or any parents I know saying anything like that.

[quote picklemewalnuts]@Wheresmykimchi and yet, that was my ds's reaction too. Gobsmacked that the adults of the world conspired- his word not mine- to lie to all the children. As unlikely (again, his word) as magic would be, conspiring adults seemed even less likely.

Like a PP, he's almost certainly got ASD.

It's irritating Kimchi, when people doubt our experiences. That's three of us in a short space of time. [/quote]
I just do. I'm not saying it never happens but I think it's few and far between.

@Ohtherewearethen

Yes, I find the whole thing about kids being devastated and grow up with trust issues, etc, because their parents dared to give them magical Christmas experiences ridiculous too *@Wheresmykimchi*. I don't think that is a typical reaction at all. OP, as dreadful as it is, you have done the right thing. He wouldn't want to have been embarrassed in front of his friends so the fact that you've told him in a controlled, gentle way is better but of course that doesn't help him right now. He will be ok.

Thanks. I was feeling like the odd one out here but I honestly don't get it.

THERE IS NO SANTA???!!! 😳

Thanks everyone. I hardly slept last night because I felt so awful. Who does that to their child? Mourning for something lost today and my son seems so down

Sorry burley...

Op art least it was you so he could express how he felt rather then finding out at school and having to shove all that emotion down in front of his friends