To tell him about the big red man?

[HandyGirl76]

My son is 11 and just asked outright if Santa is real. I told him the truth because I felt I shouldn't lie to him but now his heart is broken and he won't stop crying.

I'm absolutely gutted, my husband said we should be honest if he asked as he was worried my son would be teased at school but I wish I hadn't listened. My heart hurts for my sad little boy.

@Theyhaveallbeenused2

Came across this on Facebook thought it was a good way of explaining

For the parents of kids who ask the question is santa real???? 👇👇👇👇

What a beautiful way to explain it to your bigger kids ......

Son: "Dad, I think I'm old enough to know now. Is there a Santa Claus?"

Not being the world's fastest thinker, I stalled for time.

Dad: "OK, I agree that you're old enough. But before I tell you, I have a question for you. You see, the truth is a dangerous gift. Once you know something, you can't un-know it. Once you know the truth about Santa Claus, you will never again understand and relate to him as you do now. So my question is: Are you sure you want to know?"

Brief pause. Son: "Yes. I want to know."

Dad: "OK, I'll tell you: Yes, there IS a Santa Claus."

Son: "Really?"

Dad: "Yes, really, but he's not an old man with a beard in a red suit. That's just what we tell kids. You see, kids are too young to understand the true nature of Santa Claus, so we explain it to them in a way that they can understand. The truth about Santa Claus is that he's not a person at all; he's an idea. Think of all those presents Santa gave you over the years. I actually bought those myself. I watched you open them. And did it bother me that you didn't thank me? Of course not! In fact it gave me great pleasure. You see, Santa Claus is THE IDEA OF GIVING FOR THE SAKE OF GIVING, without thought of thanks or acknowledgement.

When I saw that woman collapse on the subway last week and called for help, I knew that she'd never know that it was me who summoned the ambulance. I was being Santa Claus when I did that."

Son: "Oh."

Dad: "So now that you know, you're part of it. You have to be Santa Claus too now. That means you can never tell a young kid the secret, and you have to help us select Santa presents for them, and most important, you have to look for opportunities to help share the joy.

That is the most twee, the most cringey, the most vomit-inducing post I have read ALL morning.

Sorry that your son is upset but he's at an age where he should know so I think you did the right thing.

If anybody has a child approaching that age, consider telling them well before December. I suspect that finding out in December when there's signs of Xmas like trees and lights about will be more shocking than finding out in the earlier part of the year.

I agree with the person who said that when parents go over the top with the illusion that he's real then the child is more likely to be devastated when they discover the truth.
We did Santa in a very low key way and my kids weren't bothered at all that he wasn't real. They liked being trusted with an "adult secret " and did more things to spread Xmas cheer like pretending for the sake of younger kids.

What sort of person can be ‘livid’ that their parents made Christmas that much more magical for them, when they were small?

Presumably the sort of person who grows into one of those people who actively look for offence everywhere, and are never happy unless they’ve got something to be self-righteously outraged about.

@Theyhaveallbeenused2 that is absolutely stunning. I adore this and hope to have a similar conversation with my son when the time comes.

Ignore the emojis. I was looking for the Santa one and these all appeared

Magical is a point of view and it's not something that the child asks for. I know plenty of children who went to Disney for example and enjoyed the rides but didn't find it as magical and enchanting as the advertising targeted as adults suggest.

I agree with the POV that if they are old enough to ask then they are old enough to know even if the parents want to continue doing footprints and elves etc

@Theyhaveallbeenused2

I really like this.

Won't be needing it just yet as my son just turned one.
It's a lovely way of explaining it though.

He’s 11. Has he SN? I’d expect a child younger than 11 to have worked it out.

Why does the world need to be "magical"? It reminds me of this Tim Minchin quote:

Isn't this enough? Just this world?
Just this beautiful, complex, wonderfully unfathomable, natural world?
How does it so fail to hold our attention that we have to diminish it with the invention of cheap, man-made myths and monsters?

@Avery7

Being told Santa wasn't real is one my most traumatic childhood memories and definitely contributed towards me being a very angry and bitter atheist in my teens and early 20s.

I don't lie to my DC about Santa, or anything else for that matter. We value honesty in our house. If you lie to them in childhood then you only have yourself to blame when they grow up to be deceitful teenagers.

This is ridiculous.

Letting kids believe in a bit of magic at Christmas does not lead them to be deceitful teenagers.

And as for the first part I've heard if all now.

@Ironingontheceiling

He’s 11. Has he SN? I’d expect a child younger than 11 to have worked it out.

I know this might sound amazing but every child has different and does not automatically mean SN and it's not called that anymore.

This was shared on here years ago And I saved it to Use when mine are old enough.

Dear Lucy,
Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”
I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.
I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won’t make you Santa, though.
Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.
I love you and I always will.
Mama

I apologise for using an incorrect term. Would you be kind enough to tell me what the correct term du jour is?

As far as kids and Santa, if they haven’t worked it out by about 9 or 10 you have an obligation to tell them so they don’t get the utter piss taken out of them at secondary school.

@Ironingontheceiling

I apologise for using an incorrect term. Would you be kind enough to tell me what the correct term du jour is?

As far as kids and Santa, if they haven’t worked it out by about 9 or 10 you have an obligation to tell them so they don’t get the utter piss taken out of them at secondary school.

ASN or ASD.

I do agree with telling them before secondary for what it's worth but that doesn't mean all 11 year olds work it out earlier.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER I don’t think anybody sits down and thinks ‘I am furious with my parents for trying to make Christmas magical’

However, the problem is that I think if we are honest, parents (and in particular mums) want their child(ren) to keep believing. It isn’t really for or about the child at all but the parents pleasure that is derived from the child’s wonder and excitement. That is what people consider to be ‘magical.’

The problem is that children grow up. That isn’t a bad thing or a sad thing as some make it out to be. Artificially prolonging the Santa stage to me is like keeping a child in nappies or keeping a child in clothes aimed at a much younger child.

I thought ASD was autistic spectrum disorder?

And I thought ASN was used for additional support needs in an educational setting specifically?

So sorry that he is upset OP
But I think you have done right telling him the truth. I cannot believe he made it to 11 still fully believing. Mine got whiff of it in school, around 7.

@Ironingontheceiling

I thought ASD was autistic spectrum disorder?

And I thought ASN was used for additional support needs in an educational setting specifically?

It is.

Maybe special needs is still used colloquially but it's not the 'right teem'.

I was maybe a bit snippy but I do get fed up with the has he got special needs every time someone thinks a child is doing something they didn't expect.

The fb post doesn't bother me too much, 8d never quite it verbatim but it is, in a broad stroke, a good way of explaining the idea of Santa if a child asks.

The real bullshit these days is elf of the shelf! Wtf kind of twisted shit it is! This freaky looking elf is basically going to spy on you , little child, and blackmail you to behave otherwise it will tell Santa on you. Plus its just merchandise from someone book, of course from the USA. And why does it seem to always be surrounded by a tacky balloon display? Why any parent would choose to include this as a part of the run up to Christmas is totally beyond me. Wow, it felt good to get that out.

I have a child, now an adult, with SN. I wasn’t using it to be mean @Wheresmykimchi.

I genuinely meant excluding additional issues, I’d expect an 11 year old to have worked it out.

The last th8ng I meant to do was so grossly offend you.

You personally didn't. It was more a general statement. Probably too snippy , so I'll apologise for that.

This was shared on here years ago And I saved it to Use when mine are old enough.

It was shared on page 2 of this thread.

A load of sickly nonsense.

@Welcometonowhere that's a really good point. I'm definitely mourning the lost magic, he's still really sad but I am too so maybe I need to be more objective about it

He doesn't have special needs but he is quite young/ immature for his age. He still plays make believe with his cuddly toys.