To ask if you feel you morally deserve your wealth

[Nc1028]

No judgment, genuinely interested (and bored!)

Read about the idea that people want to have money but also want to believe that they morally deserve the money. For example, those who earned their wealth are more likely to believe they deserve it because of hard work, whereas those who inherited wealth are more likely to feel guilty. Stay-at-home partners also tended to feel guilty if their partners are high earners/have inherited wealth when they haven’t earned/inherited wealth themselves. Everyone try to emphasise on their productiveness, not wanting to be cast as “rich and lazy”.

Wondering what people think?
If you have money, do you think you deserve what you have?
Do you think people who have a lot more money deserve what they have?

(Light hearted. Yes your money is none of anyone’s business but money is such a taboo topic, fun to talk about)

[CatteStreet]

We work hard for our income, which is decent but probably doesn't count as 'wealth' (and happily pay pretty steep taxes - not in UK), but moral deserts don't come into it. We're paid at a fair level for what we do. But we are not more deserving of being comfortable than anyone else. Dh's job is much more socially vital than mine (mine is moderately socially useful, I suppose) and there are plenty who earn less for harder and more essential work. I wouldn't undersell my skills but moral right is something else entirely.

[notalwaysalondoner]

Broadly, no I don’t think DH or I deserve it. We are both earning into 6 figures and are 30. BUT I would say if you compare us to our peers from university who had similar opportunities we have made choices that have enabled us to be wealthier, in particular, sharing houses and always having a lodger despite being high earners, which has enabled us to save significantly more over the 8-9 years since we graduated. Plus I’ve gone into a career where I regularly work 3-5 hours more a day than my peers, and the pressure is huge, which I think somewhat justifies the 50-100% more I earn than them. And DH took a big risk in joining a start up after his PhD which has really paid off in terms of both pay and hopefully long term he’ll get some return on his equity in it too.

But that’s just compared to a small set of people with almost identical opportunities who’ve chosen easier careers or not to make compromises in their living arrangements. I definitely don’t think we deserve it more than for example, a nurse who also works similar hours.

I do have one friend who was bought a flat mortgage free aged 20 by a rich relative and do resent him slightly as it’s enabled him and his wife to make life choices without worrying about money. This is relevant to your question as I think him and his wife genuinely believe they deserve it, not in terms of the house itself but they are so self righteous about not being money driven, life being about more than money etc and it’s like it’s never crossed their minds that the reason they were able to choose academic careers, take years off work with babies etc was because they’d been given this huge financial gift.

[thecatsthecats]

@MyGazeboisLeaking

Oh, I agree

But matter of fact can be upsetting. I doubt a lot of people would want my job, even if they'd like my salary (this year especially with all its challenges I've had my staff say quite often that they don't envy my position of responsibility, whatever I'm paid for it).

But another is I'd say that I've got a very naturally sexy body - small waist, big boobs, wide hips, long legs. The key word being NATURALLY. I've unnaturally fattened it by too much food and too little exercise. I'd be a total knockout if I had any discipline in that regard. I've lost 80lb, but my body would still look nicer if I'd never been fat.

Again, I don't see anything moral about that. But it's another thing that people have a very emotional, moralistic attitude about (the praise I get for having lost weight is like nothing I've experienced in my life - when the project I mentioned before is objectively my best achievement and has measurably improved the lives of ten thousand service users).

[BeijingBikini]

No. I was lucky to be born smart/middle-class, chose a profession where there's more jobs than qualified people so the working conditions are good, and don't work anything close to hard. I pick jobs with a good effort-salary ratio where I can be comfortable and clock off on time. I could work harder in something like banking but I don't care about money that much, on the other hand I could do something like teaching but I don't want to work 70 hours a week and have a nervous breakdown for 24k.

[FudgeBrownie2019]

No. I often don't feel I deserve any of the life I live.

I work hard, DH works hard, we both went to University and worked our way up to great salaries. But he comes from money so it's nothing to him, I come from nothing and it's overwhelming sometimes, knowing that things are so different. So many people work equally hard and don't have a tenth of our luck. So many people deserve life to bring good things and it doesn't.

I inherited a large amount of money this year from a relative and I've not told a soul or done a thing with it. It's just sat in my bank account because I feel afraid to do anything with it. We have enough money without this inheritance and it scares the life out of me.

[RHTawneyonabus]

We work hard but so do a lot of people who weren’t as lucky as us with the right jobs / benefit package. We pay loads and loads of tax - up to 50% or our earnings - so no I don’t feel guilty. We have paid enough to be net contributors for the rest of our lives.

I feel guilty about spending it a bit. People like Phillip Green may have worked hard for their money but the way they spend it with their tax avoidance and super yachts makes me angry and I feel they don’t deserve the privilege of wealth.

[Pyewhacket]

I very much doubt that anybody with a serious amount of money in their bank account feels the slightest bit guilty, irrespective of how they came by it.

[TramaDollface]

Ten years of uni and being constantly skint finally paid off for me.

And it’s earned doing something worthwhile.

So... yes. 🙄

[XingMing]

Probably not. But none of it has been inherited. And it's only having a mortgage paid off and a business (started by DH 30 years ago) to sell that will see us comfortable in retirement. We are 64. So not apologetic for having earned the money we shall retire on.

[HermioneWeasley]

Interesting question

I earn a good salary and we have a very comfortable life. I wouldn’t describe us as “wealthy” as we also live relatively modestly (for our income), but we have no money worries and a high level of savings (I’m paranoid about having enough in old age).

Do I deserve my salary? It’s market forces - there are very few people with my skill set so only a handful of people outside of London could do it. It’s intellectually challenging so again not something available to most people. My knowledge saves the firm more than I cost.

I’ve been lucky though - lucky to have parents who valued education, lucky to have had good physical and mental health, lucky to have a partner who loves and supports me and frankly just lucky with thr work opportunities I’ve had - right place right time.

[Orangeboots]

@VinylDetective

If wealth was based on who’s deserving the highest paid people would be care assistants.

That is so true. The health care assistants in the maternity unit were amazing - I wish they knew 20 years later that I still remember how well they cared for me, their humanity was ourstanding.

[Orangeboots]

@Pyewhacket

I very much doubt that anybody with a serious amount of money in their bank account feels the slightest bit guilty, irrespective of how they came by it.

I don't think that's true.

[Cam77]

Inherited wealth aside, people with a lot of money don’t “deserve” it more. They aren’t generally more hardworking. But I think there is a misconception some people have that they just sort of “lucked” into it. I think usually the opposite is the case: People who are making a lot, eg six figures+, often made a conscious decision to try and obtain that kind of high salary - often by sacrificing other things. Eg, sacrificing free time for horribly long hours. Or Sacrificing job security for self employment. Or many years of relative poverty and failure before finally achieving some success. Or Sacrificing an interesting career for a duller but high paid one. Or sacrificing moving overseas or to a city they don’t particularly want to work in. Not in all cases, but this is often the case. “No such thing as a free lunch” so to speak.

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

We aren't wealthy but comfortable.

I feel fortunate my parents supported me through a tough couple of years when I lost my way a bit, I then got my shit together and did my nurse training and have been independent financially since 21.

We do work hard but so do plenty of others that don't earn as much.
Between DH and I, we are very comfortable financially and because DH is older than me, he has a great pension.

It's a mix of luck, family support, working hard, sound choices (which is also partly luck).

[StrippedFridge]

I have done nothing immoral to get my money even though I could have.

[HerselfIndoors]

Sort of. My job that is high status and envied, but not very highly paid. For my level of education and years of experience, if I was a doctor, academic or lawyer etc I'd have much, much more money - six figures as opposed to 35K ish that I work hard for. So sometimes I feel I do deserve what I have. I can afford a comfortable home for my DC and buy clothes and luxuries, if not big ones. I'd like more space and a garden, but the only reason I can't afford that is that I live in a big expensive city.

OTOH I feel like my job is easy compared to what some people have to do who are paid much less, and I know I have it easy even if I'm sometimes knackered. I didn't grow up rich and despite it being fairly modest, I earn more than I imagined I would. I've done jobs like being a home help, factory packer and kitchen assistant for low pay and it is no joke. So if I think about that, then I feel it's unfair and I do feel bad.

I couldn't have been an SAHM - I'm a single mum now but I always worked, apart from maternity leave. i would have hated not earning, I've always felt I should pay my way and also I like the freedom of having my own money.

[Crownofthorns]

I am wealthy, all inherited and will inherit more in the future (thankfully my wonderful parents are still with us). I don’t currently work although I always worked until I had a child. My daughter has some SEN and I have quite a complicated life with additional responsibilities due to various family members, so it is a huge blessing not to have to worry about finances. My husband works although he has always been good with money and has independent savings and property investments. However, I contribute equally towards household expenses so don’t feel bad in that sense, that he somehow keeping me as he isn’t.

I do feel guilty as I feel unproductive not working and I also see other people struggling, especially in the current climate with the financial implications of Covid. In fairness, my not working currently is not for lack of trying to get a job - part-time jobs that would fit around my other responsibilities were in short supply even pre-Covid - and I am also thinking about volunteering for a charity so that I use my time to make a difference.

[cotoneaster1]

The longer I live the more I realise luck has played a huge part in what my life has been.

I'm very well off through earned income but I've worked no harder than anyone, just right product at the right time and lucky to have had the education to make the most of an idea

Two healthy DC now young adults.

Genetically healthy family, long lived and low levels of cancer or other diseases. Both parents alive albeit very old they are healthy.

Good looking enough all my life - nothing head turning but enough to feel confident and lovely all my life.

Never been assaulted. Never been poor. Never been close to death.

Money is just one example of the many many ways I have been fortunate. The clues in that word surely - fortunate and fortune are linked.

[Cam77]

A generalization, but there are two kinds of rich people -
A) those who create real products/services/employment.
I don’t think there is any moral issue here as long as no monopolies are created and adequate portion of wealth is redistributed via taxation.

B) those who just play/manipulate the financial markets, often with the option of government bail out if it goes tits up. Those who just buy up sold off public services for a pittance and then offer no improvements or try to monopolize smaller start ups. Those who place profit above fair treatment of workers and the environment. Those who manufacture/sell arms.
Plenty of ethical issues there.

[Thecobwebsarewinning]

We are well off due to my husbands work. Although cognitively I know he wouldn’t be as successful as he is if I hadn’t been a supportive, full time mum/housekeeper/PA etc but I do still feel guilty that I have a wonderful, privileged, stress free life that I haven’t had to work for while he grafts away.

For many years I did a lot of volunteering, giving my once professional services to charities to try and assuage my guilt but I’m dialling that back now and am enjoying a slower paced life but when people ask what I do I am embarrassed to admit I’m a lady of leisure and instead I tell a half truth and say I’ve taken early retirement.

[laudemio]

Well I have earned and inherited my wealth, and my husband earns more than me too. I dont feel any particular emotion about it, money is just a tool to do stuff. There are other tools to do things too, connections, relationships, charm, bartering etc.
So long as I have food in the table, a warm home home, good sanitation and healthcare, no war or plagues(!) Then I consider myself spectacularly lucky.

[XingMing]

@PirateCatQueen

You raise an interesting question about when you bought your house, indirectly. The Sunday Times wrote about it yesterday, as part of an article about generational inequalities. The gist of it was Sister A bought a house in 1999, and her younger sister B bought an identical house next door five years later. The houses would sell for the same price if sold today. They are now in completely different financial situations because inflation helped A and handicapped B. Of course it's not "fair".

[FraughtwithGin]

I do not really understand your question.
Are people not allowed to be wealthy, whether from their own efforts or from inheritance?
I suggest that the only people, who might feel guilty, are those, who became wealthy through criminal or dubious activities.
And what does it matter anyway? How do you define "wealth"?

[AllWashedOut]

I know and have met too many wealthy people who attribute their wealth (all of them inherited it) to their 'exceptional' talents. I believe it's a story rich people tell themselves so as not to feel guilty. It's sad because this opinion too often leads to the conclusion that those not rich haven't skills thus deserve their relative poorness. It's about making a plausible story to explain the differences in wealth. I'm from a w/c home so I always feel a twinge when this topic comes up in conversation.

[irregularegular]

For my level of education and years of experience, if I was a doctor, academic or lawyer etc I'd have much, much more money - six figures as opposed to 35K ish that I work hard for.

Not many academics are on 6 figures. Some, but not many,