To ask if you feel you morally deserve your wealth

[Nc1028]

No judgment, genuinely interested (and bored!)

Read about the idea that people want to have money but also want to believe that they morally deserve the money. For example, those who earned their wealth are more likely to believe they deserve it because of hard work, whereas those who inherited wealth are more likely to feel guilty. Stay-at-home partners also tended to feel guilty if their partners are high earners/have inherited wealth when they haven’t earned/inherited wealth themselves. Everyone try to emphasise on their productiveness, not wanting to be cast as “rich and lazy”.

Wondering what people think?
If you have money, do you think you deserve what you have?
Do you think people who have a lot more money deserve what they have?

(Light hearted. Yes your money is none of anyone’s business but money is such a taboo topic, fun to talk about)

[SlipperyLizard]

I came from a poor background. I worked hard at school, but am lucky to be naturally clever/good at exams. I’ve made some lucky choices in my career and am now a high earner. DH also from a poor background. We’ll never inherit anything and have had no help from parents.

I don’t feel a smidgen of guilt at what I earn, but I recognise that there’s a much luck/fortuitous choices as hard work in getting to where I am today.

[FinallyHere]

Nope, but I do know that I am lucky.

And would swap a very great deal of it for DH to regain physical mobility and not be in pain.

[nokidshere]

I don't get all this guilt stuff. Why would anyone feel guilty about what they have? It is what it is. I worked, I got paid. I'm not wealthy but I'm not poor either.

If I were to be left an inheritance I wouldn't feel guilty about that either, if I married a rich man who was happy to keep me and I'd never worked a day in my life I still wouldn't feel guilty.

Would I deserve my wealth? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe some people would think not but I wouldn't be worried about what other people were thinking.

We can't change what we get paid, what benefits and opportunities are available to us at whatever point in time, how much money people leave us in their wills, these things are out of our control largely. So why feel guilt?

[instanthistoryy]

Dh earns a lot. I was a stay at home mum for 3 years. There was no financial need for me to return to work but I felt guilty. I now work a few days a week and even though I earn barely anything compared to dh I feel better about everything. He never did anything to make me feel this way btw.

[Zerrin13]

I'm 55 and don't work anymore. Its great!
Financially comfortable due to husband and i starting our own business, working really hard for years, frugal living and saving so no I don't feel guilty about being comfortably off. I do feel grateful though that I don't have to think about money anymore. The best thing though is being in good health.

[EssentialHummus]

My starting point is the same as dougross's. But -

I immigrated to the UK with fuck all and for a long time I was the hardest-working person I knew. I had four jobs at one point, alongside studies and then while trying to get a "proper" job. I lived in really poor housing to get a deposit together on a flat, when others on a similar income would have spent at least double. I'm now 34 and if I wanted to I'd not have to work again - chose a well-paying career and worked guts off to be admitted to it, saved hard and made investments.

There were clear advantages in my back pocket - good English, education (though not one valued in the UK) and health principally. And luck. And white skin (sadly). But yes, I think I deserve what I have.

[EmpressoftheMundane]

For a thoughtful conversation about meritocracy and elitism, this is a good podcast: podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/making-sense-with-sam-harris/id733163012?i=1000495704168

[Litthefirealready]

We are not wealthy, but we have two homes (one abroad, both with mortgages), and are comfortable. I am actually feeling very messed up about it at the moment, which has been brewing for years.
Dh is the main earner in a great job, he is clever, has worked his way up and has worked very hard and has an amazing moral compass which has influenced me and made me a better person.

I have only had part time min wage jobs because I’m a bit thick and have very low self esteem - and I never wanted a career. I would LOVE a career now, wish I could work the same hours as him and feel worthwhile and like I deserved what we have.I feel terrible that I haven’t contributed more to us as a family, that the burden is on him and that it’s not likely to change as I’m mid forties.
So for me, yes I feel guilty and ashamed.

[EmpressoftheMundane]

@Litthefirealready
I don’t understand. Having a great career isn’t the only way to be a worthwhile person. You can contribute by nurturing children, supporting your partner, being active in your community. Life isn’t a game where we keep score based on who has the most money.

[boomshakey]

Well Philip Green would say he worked hard...

[RedLipstickBigBag]

Morally deserved as opposed to morally undeserved?
I work hard,have studied 10+ years for a professional job,and I am fulfilled
Came from a poor background. No bank of mum & dad. No financial help

[boomshakey]

My circumstances are probably what you would call comfortable although I don't feel my money goes very far. However I'm very conscious that I had parents who were invested in me & provide a safety net. I work hard as does DH but lots will work just as hard as me or harder & not be so fortunate.

[transformandriseup]

My DH and I both work full time but for a low income mainly due to the lack of opportunities for careers where we live, we have been helped on to the property ladder by family at young age followed by a largish inheritance from DH's family. All those who the money originally came from worked hard too yet I do feel some guilt that we couldn't have earned the money ourselves. I know many of the friends I grew up with are struggling and also that our DD will grow up with privileges that so many don't have, both of which play on my mind and I am studying to slightly improve my career prospects, something I couldn't afford or had to time to do before we inherited.

[PattyPan]

I’m in a position where this has kind of been decided for me. My wealth, which I used to pay my living costs through university and as a deposit on my house, was awarded to me by the courts after I was in an accident that left me with a relatively minor but permanent disability. The money was specifically calculated with regard to my suffering, so I would say that I deserve it.
In terms of my salary, I would say that I deserve a good salary in that I worked hard to get where I am and my job is specialist and benefits others, but I probably shouldn’t earn in the global top 5% as my job only benefits people in this country and I’m not saving lives.

[donquixotedelamancha]

I worked my arse off and saved for every penny. I'm now comfortable (Northern comfortable, which just means I can afford my mortgage and keep a whippet).

I don't feel I 'deserve' that money. It's just a quirk of fate that I'm lucky enough to have a decent life.

Rich people who imagine they are rich because if their own virtue or special skills are fools.

[boomshakey]

Whats interesting about this topic is that imo social mobility is going backwards so working hard & doing well is not necessarily now going to provide you with a good life. What your parents had & what they could pass on is probably more important.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I'm a SAHM to a high earner. I don't feel guilty at all about my money coming from his paycheck - in fact I feel entitled to it. I've given up far more to support his pursuit of his goals than he has to support mine. I might feel differently if I hadn't given up significant earning potential of my own to allow DH to pursue his career.

I do feel uneasy more generally about being as well off as we are. I don't think it's good for society to have the big disparities of wealth that it does and I don't think we "deserve" as big a portion of the world's wealth as we have.

[donquixotedelamancha]

I don't equate money / tax with morality.

Said no poor person ever.

[yeOldeTrout]

Never think about it... just grateful not to have money problems.

[Ravenesque]

I think people who inherit money should be grateful for it and not feel that it's something they "deserved" and those from a long line of wealthy ancestors would do well to understand this and I'm sure some do. What other people have is pretty much fuck all to do with me. I'm poor. I don't think I deserve to be poor but then most people who struggle to get by don't deserve it either. I guess, ultimately, money is a bastard and none of us deserves to have it or to be without it.

[boomshakey]

** There is a lot of inter generational equality

We're pretty well off. In our (late) 40s and 50s our net worth (inc pensions) is probably about 3 million now? 250k inheritance. Two equal above-average-but- not- super-high incomes. Good work pension, good pension saving. Lots of value house having entered market in 1994.

I'm in my 30s, we have a good household income & not bad pensions & own a London property however we will never see equity like those before us, or pensions as good etc.

[irregularegular]

So why feel guilt?

Because we have far more than we really need and could easily give more away than we do? Because we are ultimately fairly selfish?

Of course, I presumably don't feel that guilty all the time, as otherwise I'd do something about it! But sometimes I do...

Once I retire and have more time to think about it then I'll give more away. Like most things, it take a bit of thought to do well!

[BlueBrian]

Inherited enough to buy a house and more, do I deserve it? No idea, don't even think about it, don't care what other people think either.

[MaidEdithofAragon]

100% agree with Wearywithteens