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AIBU?

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Original poster

Oops... accidentally got someone banned from Bumble!

78 replies

Sparklfairy · 30/11/2020 11:42

I recently joined Bumble again and starting chatting with a guy. He seemed friendly, 'normal' and we had a lot of quite unusual interests in common.

He asked me what I was looking for, (hate that question!). I gave some non committal reply about would like a relationship rather than casual sex but I'm not desperate to jump in and get attached with just anyone. He said he was looking for the same. All good.

After a while he suddenly said (completely out of the blue) that he bet he could guess my bra size. I was a bit taken aback but thought it might be an attempt at humour so I played along (didn't give away whether he was right or not). I changed the subject and again he brought it back to sex Hmm saying he had a 'huge dick'. I got turned off but took the piss a bit first. 'Do you mean have or are a huge dick?' 'Are you SURE it's big? But how do you KNOW? How many real life dicks have you compared yours with in person, dick to dick?' I was getting bored, tried again to change the subject one last time but he again brought it back to sex (how horny he is in lockdown) so I said I think we're looking for different things and wished him luck.

I unmatched with him, and they give you a little pop up with some radio buttons as to why. I put 'not interested' and added something like, 'he's looking for casual sex and that's not what I'm looking for'. Didn't think any more of it.

Until Bumble sent me a message saying they're sorry I 'had this experience' and that they've removed him from the app for violating terms! Shock

I can only assume they read our exchange and could see I was not encouraging it and he kept pushing. It didn't bother me though and I didn't feel harassed or anything. There's an option on your profile to say you're looking for casual, so I don't think looking for a hook up is against their terms. I don't judge him for it, it's just not for me so I unmatched him.

Feel a bit bad and a bit surprised at Bumble being rather heavy handed imo. I've had far worse on other sites over the years Grin

AIBU to feel a bit guilty? Confused

OP posts:
runningthrougharedlight · 30/11/2020 12:44

Although that article is very interesting, thanks for linking!

crosspelican · 30/11/2020 12:46

That's literally the point of Bumble. Zero tolerance for the nonsense that women are supposed to accept as their quotidien on other dating apps.

Donotlikemyname · 30/11/2020 12:47

isn't it better to find out at the start what their intentions are instead of waiting to go on a date and then finding out he's a dick, or even later.

Coyoacan · 30/11/2020 12:48

Sounds like a good advert for Bumble

TableFlowerss · 30/11/2020 12:49

You’ve got nothing to feel bad for OP

VetiverAndLavender · 30/11/2020 12:52

Oh, I'm sure he'll survive. I wouldn't give it a second thought. He was being gross with a complete stranger and refusing to let you change the subject, so really he got what he was asking for.

EggBobbin · 30/11/2020 12:53

Once I told a Tinder perv I was delighted he had a big dick because I myself have a HUGE vagina like an enormous roomy wet bag of ham. He disappeared pretty sharpish...

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/11/2020 12:53

[quote PixelatedLunchbox]Great article right here on how they determine who to ban!

www.elitedaily.com/p/how-to-get-someone-banned-from-bumble-according-to-a-bumble-exec-2775757[/quote]
Oh wow, I had no idea! And that link then led me to this open letter to a bumble user with screenshots of his awful messages Grin he truly has issues!

bumble.com/the-buzz/an-open-letter-to-connor

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/11/2020 12:54

@EggBobbin

Once I told a Tinder perv I was delighted he had a big dick because I myself have a HUGE vagina like an enormous roomy wet bag of ham. He disappeared pretty sharpish...
Ohh that made me laugh out loud Grin far better than my comebacks!
OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/11/2020 12:57

@crosspelican

That's literally the point of Bumble. Zero tolerance for the nonsense that women are supposed to accept as their quotidien on other dating apps.
I actually didn't know this. I didn't even know women have to message first Blush

I was merrily swiping away, then was surprised when hours later I STILL hadn't received any messages... then I realised...

OP posts:
lostintheday · 30/11/2020 13:00

I think its great they did this. I had a guy send me a whole load of increasingly abusive and disturbing messages, culminating in him saying he wanted to beat me black and blue ( I had been on the site but then gone and done some housework but forgot to log out - he thought i was reading his messages and 'laughing at him' -his words).
I reported him and they said they would tell him not to talk to members like that!

I mean seriously, the guy is a stalker in the making, and they let him continue to be on the site!

PrincessNutNut · 30/11/2020 13:02

@EggBobbin

Once I told a Tinder perv I was delighted he had a big dick because I myself have a HUGE vagina like an enormous roomy wet bag of ham. He disappeared pretty sharpish...
I didn't spit tea over my keyboard, but I did laugh.
MyMajesty · 30/11/2020 13:04

I bet he had no idea he was violating any T&Cs
Who cares.
He was being an obnoxious jerk and now he's got something to think about.

GreenlandTheMovie · 30/11/2020 13:05

Does anyone, or does anyone know, any woman who responds positively to those sorts of messages?

I've had to block a total of 7 men off Tinder in recent months for inappropriate messaging. I've actually deleted Tinder as a result.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/11/2020 13:08

@lostintheday

I think its great they did this. I had a guy send me a whole load of increasingly abusive and disturbing messages, culminating in him saying he wanted to beat me black and blue ( I had been on the site but then gone and done some housework but forgot to log out - he thought i was reading his messages and 'laughing at him' -his words). I reported him and they said they would tell him not to talk to members like that! I mean seriously, the guy is a stalker in the making, and they let him continue to be on the site!
That's really awful, I'm sorry Sad Flowers

I read threads here all the time about OLD woes, and men are in general a disappoint at best, and terrifying at worst. Can you imagine being in a relationship with a man like him?

OP posts:
LovesaColdClimate · 30/11/2020 13:09

I'm sorry but I think your banter could have egged him on and he saw it as encouragement.

It's harder to hear 'tone' online compared to speaking on the phone or in person.

Really, if he wasn't your type, you should have just moved on and blocked him or whatever.

Getting into a discussion over his penis size made it look as if you were interested in that subject.

I expect he will just sign up again with a new user name though he might be banned forever under his current IP address.

Dyno · 30/11/2020 13:11

I had this too!

I messaged someone something about something on his profile and he wrote back "Hi Babes" - I went to unmatch purely because I hate people calling me babes and I have no freaking idea what I did but I had the same email from Bumble!

I did feel bad because that was a just my preference thing rather than them doing anything wrong!

Hopoindown31 · 30/11/2020 13:12

I wouldn't feel guilty at all. It seems a lot of men on these sites are very inappropriate and they need to be shown that that isn't acceptable.

lostintheday · 30/11/2020 13:12

I know right! I hadn't even really been in conversation with him, he had said Hi, I had replied, Hi, How are things with you? And that was it. If he can't cope with what he imagined was rejection from someone he has never met nor had a conversation with, imagine what sort of crazy he would unleash on a real women he had met who rejected him. And even after the black and blue comment he still wanted me to meet him for a date! He was deranged!

yetanothernamitynamechange · 30/11/2020 13:14

@runningthrougharedlight

Good for you! Don’t feel guilty in the slightest, you said how you felt, he kept pushing. Women messaging first does not protect them from encountering arseholes. I’m not a fan of bumble, I don’t buy into the empowering women element.
Thats absolutely true, although to be fair to Bumble, them removing the arseholes when they reveal themselves to be such, probably helps a little too. Although of course there are so many arseholes out there (and it is probably easy to sign up again with a different email) that it might not make much difference.
NoParticularPattern · 30/11/2020 13:14

Of course he did something wrong. You repeatedly changed the subject and even called him out on it and still he carried on. If it was a work colleague or a stranger in a bar behaving similarly then would you have put up with it? Of course not. And you didn’t put up with it on Bumble either. His behaviour and lack of boundaries for him banned, not your report. If you’d said that and they didn’t feel they had grounds to ban him then they wouldn’t have, but they did. The only person to blame here is the creep who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

EmilySpinach · 30/11/2020 13:16

I've had far worse on other sites over the years

This is your issue. You’ve become desensitised.

yetanothernamitynamechange · 30/11/2020 13:17

Actually I am starting to wonder now if this whole thread is actually a super stealthy advert for Bumble (not really, but it would be quite an effective way of plugging it)

countbackfromten · 30/11/2020 13:20

Good he should be banned. I have had enough of men like him behaving like this on dating apps and getting away with it!!

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/11/2020 13:25

@Dyno

I had this too!

I messaged someone something about something on his profile and he wrote back "Hi Babes" - I went to unmatch purely because I hate people calling me babes and I have no freaking idea what I did but I had the same email from Bumble!

I did feel bad because that was a just my preference thing rather than them doing anything wrong!

No way! Shock

I suppose the good thing is, based on our experience and the above article, only half decent guys are likely to stick around/not get banned!

OP posts: