DH functioning alcoholic

[TheBlueBear]

Have been with DH 4 years but only living together the past year and got married in Feb. I've always known he's enjoyed a drink but it's only really since living together that I've realised the extent of it. On average he would drink 2-3 litres of vodka a week. He normally has three days off per week and out of those three he would drink on two of them. On average he would have nearly a litre of vodka per session. Although he drinks huge quantities he never appears to be 'properly' drunk ie he doesn't be staggering around or have blackouts etc (although he is a big guy in both height and weight). He's a shift worker and often after a nightshift he would stay up drinking (from about 6am-9am). I know that drinking in the morning would be a huge red flag for a lot of people but I'm a shift worker too and I know a few colleagues who would treat the morning after a night shift as their 'evening' and have a couple of glasses of wine. The issue with the morning drinking is more that DH tries to hide it. For example yesterday morning I went downstairs at 7am to make breakfast. DH heard me come downstairs and ran out into the kitchen to me. He told me he'd bring me up breakfast in bed and I should 'try and get some more sleep' (newborn DD had been up during the night). At 9am DH comes to bed smelling of alcohol. I go down and see that the bottle of vodka that had about a third left in it was now gone and the empty bottle was hidden (badly) in the kitchen bin. This is a fairly frequent occurrence. When DH drinks he's fairly amenable which is probably why I tolerate his drinking to the extent I do. What concerns me is the way he hides it as this shows to me that he must think himself he has a problem. I know I'm enabling the secret drinking by not challenging him about it but when I've spoken to him about his drinking before he's gotten extremely defensive (which i know is the typical reaction of someone who's a problem drinker). I suppose what I really want from this post is advice from any one else whose been in a similar situation. From my reading on the subject it seems that alcoholism always tends to escalate but I'm wondering is that true or does it depend on the person?

Hi @TheBlueBear, I was searching for threads about secret drinking/alcolholism and came across yours. How are things? Are you any further forward in your decisions? I am living in a similar situation. My husband is hiding drink, vodka disguised in coke bottles etc and even keeps it under his bed (we're sleeping in separate rooms at the moment due to his snoring.) He's 'publicly' drinking about 3 cans of beer on Friday, Sat & Sun evenings but God knows how much he's really drinking - a lot I suspect. I have always known he's an alcoholic, (on & off) and we've been together 12 years. Sometimes he has it under control, sometimes it escalates, but I don't remember it being this bad. Again, it's quite possible that, because he's holding is life/business together, he's always been secret drinking and I just wasn't aware. I'm now at the point of not knowing what to do. I accept, and I think you need to, that it's not going to get better, they're not going to stop drinking, even if they want to. It's a horrible disease and without professional help, they won't get better. I am still not sure whether to leave, as like you, we have a good life together, a lovely house, my children have nearly left home and I don't relish the prospect of being on my own for the rest of my life (I'm 52). I can't decide whether to be selfish, and stay, enjoy our home, holidays, and do my own thing, and let him quietly drink himself into an early grave, or confront it (for the millionth time) and potentially leave. I feel for you as you have younger children together and the stakes are higher. However, as other people have said, if he is putting them at risk, or potentially going to drive fear and anxiety into their lives, then maybe you should give him an ultimatum - AA, or I go. You're young enough to start again. I'm just not sure I am. Thinking of you.