A telephone call I took at work has affected me.

[AnnListersBlister]

I won't say where I work for DPA/outing reasons(and uneccessary) but I had a call from a member of hospital staff detailing a situation where;

A female was in labour in hospital
She was being violent/verbally abusive and aggressive with the staff.
She wouldnt engage with labour advice and wouldn't talk to staff about how she was feeling/pain levels/contractions etc
She was likely to give birth in the next hour or so.
The baby was being removed to LA as soon as she did so.
Her partner was there trying to calm her down but not succeeding, and was a known local drug user/dealer.
She was also known for drugs.

It was a week or so ago and it keeps coming back into my mind.
What sort of life was that little baby being born into?
What sort of life had this woman had/did she have, to be labouring and rather than being in pain and frightened, was being aggressive and irate?
That baby is going to be taken from her and she's probably going to be discharged and go back to wherever and what? Forget about it? Be traumatised?
She was only young.
Just how wrong the whole thing was?

Don't get me wrong, I am pretty rational and it isn't keeping me awake at night. But it has bothered me more than a zillion other scenarios I've been privy to. I'm not 100% sure why.

Hi OP, I haven't read the full thread but I suggest you google vicarious trauma

What do you mean ‘rather than being in pain and frightened’?
She clearly was in pain and frightened ! People respond to pain differently . And anger sometimes comes out. Especially if they aren’t being heard or listened to.
She sounds like she was terrified of it all - don’t judge

@AnnListersBlister I get you. I am a 999 operator and despite taking thousands of calls over the years there are always some that get you. It will get easier to deal with. Do you have an occupational health unit? Sometimes just talking about the situation to a real life person (anyone) helps massively.

Hi OP I have taken some difficult calls in my time and I can still recall the stories of these people in my head. I often didn't get to know the ultimate outcome and it can be hard sometimes to let go. I echo what @Lesquigh says about speaking to someone in confidence - we have a confidential helpline / support service for staff.

I think those saying "this is outing" are sadly naive as to just how many cases like this there are a year.

It's a heart breaking outcome for all concerned - the mother who will have undoubtedly had a horrific life herself, and is probably herself the victim of childhood trauma, the baby (SS don't make these decisions lightly - they know children almost always do better with their birth parents with the right support, but sometimes the child's safety can only be guaranteed by taking them away from the birth family), the HCPs and the social workers.

Awful, but not uncommon.

@S00LA - Have you just called being a drug dealer “a job” ?

Nothing outing about it I’m afraid as it’s a sadly common situation.

Op i get it. Sometimes the situation just gets to you. Can you discuss in supervision?

OP - what a sad situation all round

Did remind me of a similar situation: I was at a children's centre in a rough part of town, waiting for a group for deaf children to start. A lady came over and made a lovely fuss of my little girl.

We got talking and she said 'how come you're allowed to bring her in the reception?' I was confused and then she explained she was waiting to see her baby who'd been removed by SS. She thought I was there for a contact session

She was so sad and lost and clearly very vulnerable. Her teenage boy had also been removed and was in her aunt's care. She said the baby's dad only met the baby once as he had drug issues.

I snuggled my baby even harder after that encounter!

I am reminded of her every so often.

This would upset me too.

When I was in hospital having DD, something similar was happening on the ward. I still sometimes think about that mum and baby.

People have different reactions to fear. Some say as many as 6. Fight, flight, freeze, flood, fawn and fatigue. Most people when in pain and going through something traumatic emotionally (both in this woman's situation) revert to what keeps them the safest, and for people who've had hard lives it's aggression. Add into that drugs, anaesthesia, any underlying mental health issues, a bad experience with healthcare/social care/ authority figures and it's not surprising some people come across as aggressive. It's also a known reaction to transitioning from latent to active labour. I have had three babies, and all three times there was a stage where I wanted everyone to just leave me alone! I was in the transition.