A telephone call I took at work has affected me.

[AnnListersBlister]

I won't say where I work for DPA/outing reasons(and uneccessary) but I had a call from a member of hospital staff detailing a situation where;

A female was in labour in hospital
She was being violent/verbally abusive and aggressive with the staff.
She wouldnt engage with labour advice and wouldn't talk to staff about how she was feeling/pain levels/contractions etc
She was likely to give birth in the next hour or so.
The baby was being removed to LA as soon as she did so.
Her partner was there trying to calm her down but not succeeding, and was a known local drug user/dealer.
She was also known for drugs.

It was a week or so ago and it keeps coming back into my mind.
What sort of life was that little baby being born into?
What sort of life had this woman had/did she have, to be labouring and rather than being in pain and frightened, was being aggressive and irate?
That baby is going to be taken from her and she's probably going to be discharged and go back to wherever and what? Forget about it? Be traumatised?
She was only young.
Just how wrong the whole thing was?

Don't get me wrong, I am pretty rational and it isn't keeping me awake at night. But it has bothered me more than a zillion other scenarios I've been privy to. I'm not 100% sure why.

Your compassion shines through ❤️❤️❤️

I remember after having my DD I was walking around the ward for a short time and I saw a mother leave accompanied by her social worker, she gave birth and the baby had been taken in by LA
I still have not been able to get that out of my head
Poor lady was struggling to walk out of the hospital
I hope she got the help she needed and her child is thriving

Thank you iklboogie for the grounding comments. I am not as healthy as you. I am up at 00:30 am having a glass of wine and whinging at people on the internet, but it has helped (as has everyone's comments so thank you).

cindy thank you for doing what you do. You're an amazing person. I hope you and your children are so happy.

dublingirl so,so sad. How?! How does one feel walking out of hospital like that. I know It's so different for an outsider but.. so wrong.Not surprised you couldn't shift that image.

@AnnListersBlister

Sorry custardy I meant local authority care.

No, I know none of my business. I just wondered if other people would have been touched by it in this way, or not.

Yes, I would, Ann. I worked in a hospital for many years and still remember some patients.

There's nothing you can do about a situation like the one you describe but it shows you are empathetic to think about it. As long as you don't let it impact your feelings too much, that is fine. You have to protect yourself.

Hopefully the lady's baby will grow up loved, fit and well and, who knows, maybe she will accept help and turn her life around. It does happen.

Take care.

I was present at a similar scenario 8yrs ago, where I had to remove a child from their mother as soon as she was born. Following the labour and subsequent delivery, I accompanied baby to NICU where I sat with her for the remainder of my shift.
She was born addicted to heroin, and the sounds she made were like no other I've heard before or since. It broke my heart. All I could do was let her hold my finger as she screamed (nurses etc were taking care of her physical needs, I was solely there to ensure she wasn't removed by family).
I still think of that little girl often now, and wonder what happened to her.
I'm afraid I had less sympathy for her mother.

YANBU to have a think at work that got to you.

I've had a few. It's not always the worst or the obvious. Some things just lodge in your head.

It is an awful situation all round.

There are initiatives to break the cycle around multiple removals- have a look at the articles and charities on this search

www.google.com/search?q=babies+removed+uk+break+the+cycle

Might help you somehow to see that this is on the radar and there are charities trying to help.

It is upsetting though no way around that. For everyone concerned.

The baby will be fostered on short term but after 6 months is likely to be up for adoption and babies are in short supply. Hopefully the baby will go to a good home who will love her. I would be more concerned about cognitive deficit later down the line of Mum took drugs through pregnancy. I foster a child who went through very similar. He has been left with a lifelong learning disability.

It’s very upsetting to read it’s a reminder how bleak some people’s lives are

But this little baby will not be living their mothers life and will most likely be living in a much safer, loving and nurturing home where they can flourish.

The birth mum sadly if she is an addict that is what shall be forefront of her mind - it’s a tragic world at times let’s hope one day she can turn her life around

@AnnListersBlister - feel free to PM me. I'm going to bed soon but happy to talk if you need to later.

gerbil thank you-I'd not heard of that and will definitely look into it. I am a MH professional and wonder if I could be of use in any way.

She was born addicted to heroin, and the sounds she made were like no other I've heard before or since. It broke my heart

How unspeakably awful :( No blame from me about having no sympathy when you're literally holding a little baby who did not choose that addiction :(

caringcarer Thanks. Not directly but I am involved with people with conditions directly linked to their bio parent's drug/alcohol abuse. Just so sad and I cannot help thinking, preventable. If the world wasn't as it is.

thankyou iklboogie :)

NP op I saw a news piece about it a few years back and remembered.

I admire you for doing such an intense job btw

If you want more information, there’s actually a thread in Classics by a real angel on Earth, @EarthMotherImNot, who cared for babies like these: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/922821-drug-dependant-baby-advice-needed

It may comfort you to know how much love people who foster babies put into their little charges, but the thread is also a tear-jerker.

rightyes is that the one who had the heroin addicted baby, who died? I'll look now.

Thank you :)

Tbh I think they should be able to place pregnant mums in these situations under some sort of section (( and drug users in general )) it would force help onto them, which if they can get out of the spiral maybe even give them a chance of keeping their babies. And living a good life.

It won't happen, it will cost too much. The poor sod will probably be back next year parting with another baby she can't keep and going home to more abuse and exploitation.

It's sad and brings home how lucky we are being mediocre.

Oh god that sounded so blunt. I didn't mean it to. I found it so so sad at the time and still do. I am just a bit sad and addled tonight.

whatwouldjesusdo that would be lovely wouldn't it.

Op I work in the legal side of these sorts of cases.

I can tell you the rough procedure - the mother will have been under the care and guidance of the LA for a while. They will have tried to put in support structures around her. If the baby was going to be removed at birth then this means it really is the best thing for the baby.

The mother will have very intense support put into place for her- addicition support; legal support; housing if this is what she needs; mental health support etc. For a child to be removed temporarily or permanently there is a fairly long legal process but the baby will be safe and cared for in the meantime. Hopefully the mum will engage with everything offered to her and will turn her life around. I truly hope so.

What would you do

There was a situation where that happened in the press a few years ago and it was not good.

www.google.com/amp/s/news.sky.com/story/amp/womans-baby-taken-from-womb-by-court-order-10426120

Yes I know it's John hemming etc but. If any of this is true it's not good.

There was also the Ireland case with the pregnant dead woman.

I don't think essentially removing autonomy from women if they are pregnant if a good idea at all.

Better to address the social issues, abuse. Break the cycle etc. IMO.

Not the topic of the thread though I know.

@AnnListersBlister I'm a police call handler and have developed a very dark sense of humour to help cope with some of the things I have to listen to - sometimes I wonder if I must be a bad person not to be more affected a lot of things.

Some calls have really stuck with me though, and I still think of certain people I've spoken to - some even only the once, and years ago - and really hope they made it and life is better for them now.

I remember being brought back to the ward after having dd2 and the woman in the next bed had just given birth before me. Through the ridiculously thin curtains I could hear the whole thing play out. She had other children in care and the new baby was headed the same way. There was some issue about her going to court.

I remember looking at dd2 and feeling so awful for her and the baby, and although I'm now nearly 9 years out of my hormone induced fug I still wonder what happened to them all.

Nice I stated addicts in general. They're killing themself, it's death by a thousand cuts. It is in itself a mental health issue.

If support and a reason to live and thrive was poured into people who have addiction issues I really think we'd seen huge turnarounds and less generational abuse.

It won't happen. There isn't the money. But it should.

purplehearts thank you for your input. It's helped me feel a bit better.

nicegerbil I will read through those tomorrow.

ruby I feel the same 'Am I a bad person to hear this stuff and go and have my lunch/read a book/go home for a glass of wine... :(

Hey OP.
I wonder would EMDR help you to process this and move past it.
I know you said it isn't keeping you awake at night but obviously it's getting to you in some way if you made this thread.

I've heard in some countries they've even started to use it for paramedics straight after they have to deal with tough incidents as a way of preventing them from developing trauma in the first place!

Try working in A&E and you’ll see this on a regular basis. Ultimately you can’t let it get to you or it’ll affect your own state of mind. I moved into Critical Care because I wasn’t prepared to put up with being abused , punched and spat on by drug addicts and drunks. You can’t fix the world.