1 year old waking every hour - I'm going crazy

[Thisisnotataste]

DD 13months won't sleep on her own. She will nap at home after having a bottle of milk for a couple of hours. At bedtime she will eventually fall asleep after milk. But then she wakes every hour or so until I finally give up and put her in the spare bed with me.
Dh has just gone up for the 3rd time this evening to hold her hand as she's crying again.
This isn't normal is it? We're going crazy. We haven't been able to watch a programme together, or sleep in the same bed for a night in nearly a year. We get a quick dinner between trips upstairs. I don't know what to do.
Hv helpfully said she's over tired. No shit sherlock.
When she's in the big bed with me she sleeps most nights right through. Although sometimes if I accidentally wake her (like if I go to the loo in the night) she'll be awake for 2 hours.
I'm exhausted. DH and I have no relationship. I have no relaxation time. I need help.

Try the Huckleberry app. It is a free sleep tracker and you can pay about £7 for a specialised sleep plan if you've tracked for a certain amount of time.

I had a crap sleeper and I do not believe in CIO. Although it did not turn my crap sleeper into a brilliant one, tracking her sleep really helped to show us a few areas where we could tweak things, and it enabled us to claw back a few hours in the evening that we could spend together.

We carried on like that until recently- moved our 2.5 year old into a toddler bed in her own room last month (after cosleeping and feeding to sleep since birth) and her sleep has been 95% perfect from day one - she sleeps through most nights now.

I feel your pain, it’s been a few years since I was there but it was grim. No cry sleep solution (pantley) was useful to us. Definitely need a unified approach with partner and I found out that it’s definitely affected by the baby’s personality as much as the method. Good luck

I didn't start last night and she slept with me from 10 to 7. I would carry on co sleeping if there was room for DH and she didn't wake all evening...

@thisisnotataste we took the side off little ones cot and pushed it up against our bed as we bedshare. Means me and my spouse share our bed but also keeps little one feeling safe and somewhat independent. When comfort is needed or a little wake up happens we are right there and everyone gets a decent sleep.

Also 6pm is quite early, can you shift to 7pm?

It used to be 730 but the HV said that was too late...
Going to try gradual withdrawal for a week. If we don't progress will just stick the cot on the side of my bed and live with it!

OP, gave you considered teething might be an issue? Both of mine were a nightmare with it.

We’re in a very similar situation, but my Ds is nearly 2. By midnight I give in and we sleep together, I have a bed guard in the side he sleeps by. But yes it’s crap; as I never get to share a bed with my OH, as 3 In a bed is too many!

If she sleeps fine with you why not keep her with you and make your life easy

We put dds cot next to our bed, at the same age as she kept waking. After a couple of nights she slept right through with no issues.

It could be teething qs well but its been forever
I would like to sleep with my Dh again no room for 3...

The nap after milk in the late afternoon/evening won't be helping xx

Teething

My son was the same it was awful. I couldnt do any sort of training that left him to cry. Tbh we tried loads of things but in the end I think it was just time and that he just went past that stage. We basically co slept to get through it as least then I didnt have to go into another room to get him. He did get past it though and start sleeping longer and longer so it does get better even if it doesnt feel like it at the moment!

I do think some of it was teething but used to make me think how many teeth is he trying to grow!! One thing that helped a little was white noise, I used to get alexa to play white noise on the echo dot. Hes 2 now and there is the odd night he wakes and gets in our bed but 90% of the time hes in his bed all night which if you had told me a year ago would have felt like a miracle!

Hope they start sleeping more for you soon!

Please don't try CIO etc if you know the reason why she is waking is because she is in pain (teething).

It's very frustrating but it's also not unusual. I would honestly recommend cosleeping, she obviously doesn't like sleeping alone. If it's only taking 5 mins or so to get her back off when you go up during the evening that's not such a huge impact on your relationship surely? It's rubbish not sleeping like and I feel for you

We have used the book called the baby sleep solution by Lucy Wolfe. It's a gentle stay and support method rather than leaving to cry and also has really useful nap timing suggestions to make sure they are not over or under tired. Our DD was fed to sleep until she was just over 6 months and we decided to start the method in the book and it was really successful and only took a few weeks. She is 13 months now and sleeps 7pm - 6.30am without waking. She even manages it when she is poorly.
Lucy also posts videos on her Instagram page which are useful.

I hope things get better for you

Sounds like learned behaviour

She's learned to fall asleep with a bottle and that if she cries enough you'll hold her hand or take her to bed.

You've actually taught her she can't sleep without you

YANBU- my baby was a terrible sleeper. I nearly went out of my mind. We sleep trained at 7 months - worked brilliantly. I recommend using a professional sleep consultant - it would be too hard to break the habit on your own. Google Nicola at Child Sleep Solutions - she’s a miracle worker.

Her older sister slept through from 8 months. After milk. In my arms and to bed asleep.
So not novices but totally stumped.
Obviously its learned behaviour.. all behaviour is learned

Her nap isn't 12 or 1ish. Not late

Co sleeping would be fine if there was room for 3 of us.but there isn't

I know going up every hour in an evening doesn't sound like much but sometimes its more frequent. And even when it isn't we don't relax we just wait for the monitor...and as we don't sleep in the samebed not bring able to concentrate on each other of an evening is not great

Thank you for all suggestions.
If its teething itz been going on forever. But it might be. So it will be over soon right?

I would say this is really normal at this age (mother of three!).
It does improve, it’s all a phase! Just hang in there and it will improve.
Don’t leave her to cry - she can’t tell you if she’s in pain and it’s just cruel.
It will settle down, I promise

@WombatStewForTea

You're not alone. If you're on facebook join 'beyond sleep training' before you commit to anything.

Cio is damaging. All you're doing is teaching your child nobody is going to come when they cry. Remember that NSPCC advert?

Do you prefer sleeping with your husband than being on your own? Most people do so why do people expect their child to be any different.

Nobody has mentioned cio and reputable sleep consultants don’t recommend it. They recommend controlled crying. A lot of pissy people against cio need to get their facts straight. Controlled crying has a very specific set of rules to make sure babies don’t get distressed and it’s one of the quickest ways to solve the problem because it teaches babies to self-soothe. Like others have said 5-7 days and it’s done.

CIO is another matter entirely.

I sleep trained my 1yo (controlled crying) - had a similar situation but she just would not go back to sleep no matter what we did (laid next to her, got her in bed with us, etc). It’s awful and will power is needed, but it works.

It’s very normal- the sleep regression at this age is a bitch, we’re still coming through it at almost 15 months. It’ll pass.

It will pass. Yep I've said this to DH at least once a night. It's really good to hear we're not alone