Friend offended me with diet and weight loss advice - AIBU?

[TheFatFriend]

I was always fit, healthy and a normal weight. I had a sudden illness, spent weeks in intensive care and needed an organ transplant. I am on a huge dose of steroids and I’m bloated like a puffer fish. I was also comfort eating and immobile so I gained lots of weight. I’m still overweight but slowly losing it. My mental health was impacted by the trauma and I’m dealing with all that on top of trying to slowly recover physically.

Had a video call with a long standing friend. She knows the above. Out of the blue, she mentioned a friend has reversed type 2 diabetes with diet and weight loss. She suggested I try the diet to lose weight to help my health. I said thank, that I was healthy eating but I’d be happy to receive any info. It was easier to say that than say I wasn’t interested! She then kept going on about how losing weight will improve my health. It definitely won’t reverse my problems but I let her ramble on. After a while, I said I was getting upset. She continued talking about my weight and how it’s impacting on my health. I abruptly ended the call.

She’s text me a few times. No apology but “sorry but I want to help you improve your health” type of thing. Weight loss and diet won’t reverse my health problem and anyway, I’m doing all that stuff, with medical advice!

I need space, I don’t want to talk right now. AIBU?

It's perfectly true that Type 2 diabetes can be reversed by diet... But you haven't got Type 2 diabetes have you!

I wonder if she's actually a rep from some dodgy MLM promoting slimming products, I'm getting more and more cynical about them.

Best wishes for your continuing recovery.

''It's perfectly true that Type 2 diabetes can be reversed by diet... But you haven't got Type 2 diabetes have you!''

This is what I was thinking! People can be quite evangelical about a new way of dieting.

I hate this! You told her you were upset and she didn't listen. Definitely disengage.

I have a chronic medical condition and have received similar free "advice". Now if anybody tries this kind of thing I just keep saying I'm happy with the treatment I am receiving, I'm happy with the treatment I'm receiving until they shut up.

YANBU.

If you made it clear that her unasked for advice was upsetting you and she continued on, you have every right to be very pissed off.

Her text seems to imply HER need to "help/lecture" you was more important than you not wanting to be helped/lectured.

Take as much space as you want OP.

I hope you feel better soon.

I think she meant well but didn’t realise how sensitive you were to it. Really people should know never to raise this unless the other person does. She clearly was a. It oblivious.

Sometimes people are very invested in a world view and can't separate out from it to the individual.
If your friend is keeping her fears for her own health at bay while controlling what she can like her diet and weight.
She may not be able to accept that your circumstances are such that you have limited control and your weight isn't going to affect your health outcome.
After an experience like that and needing to manage your health with an organ transplant you would be right to have a good think about how much joy, support and feelings of happiness or well being this friend brings to your life and how much hurt you are willing to bear to keep her in it.
Keep doing what you are doing with medical advice and if and when the time comes to reduce/remove the steroids you will look like you've lost over a stone within a week!
I was exactly the same weight (weighed regularly in hospital) but a few weeks finished on the steroids when I started getting compliments on my weight loss.
Although at least my friends waited till it looked like I had "lost" the weight before commenting.

I find people don’t really care when it comes to pulling up people about their weight, I gained a lot of weight as I have had 4 children very close together, and was suffering from depression so I was an emotional eater.

I was on the bus with my mum and she said loudly to me “why don’t you go on a diet” (we were talking about her friend who had lost a lot of weight) in front of a bus full of people, I find some people just have no filter when it comes to other people’s weight!

Some people who have always had good health think that it is all their own amazing work rather than pot luck. She can’t deal with the fact that life can and is turned upside down with no warning so she was trying to make it your fault by putting on weight.
Sounds harsh but had similar when I had a similar experience.

YANBU

Tell her you're following the lifestyle advice from your medical team - and now can we talk about something else. Rinse and repeat.

Don't be worried about causing her offence - she quite clearly isn't worried about offending you so she's got thick skin and you have to prod such people hard to get them to listen to what you are saying.

It's hard work being on massive doses of steroids - they mess with everything - physical and mental.

She was being rude to keep going on when you’d said you didn’t want to talk about it any more. It’s sad that she doesn’t understand that you’re upset and is still keeping to her view that she was right to carry on.

As an overweight person who has lost A LOT of weight but still has A LOT to lose, I can assure ANYONE who thinks they are "helping" with diet advice; that you might try and justify it to yourself by calling it helpful but you are just being an overbearing condescending twat, and what you are actually doing is making someone feel shamed, uncomfortable and awkward and calling it kindness.

If you have an overweight friend or relative, you are never telling them something they don't know, either about their size, or well known healthy diet advice.

In summary : DON'T BE A TWAT

Wow what a cunt.

I reckon your ‘friend’ is an MLM bot.

Sounds like she was reading the script

How annoying for you tho I’ve got no advice maybe just talk to her less often

Thanks for the replies. I don’t mind people saying that X diet worked for Y or that B alternative therapy helped C with their condition. I know people want to help and mean well but it was her going on about it that upset me. I listened to her opinion, but she didn’t hear mine, or wouldn’t!

@Heatherjayne1972

I reckon your ‘friend’ is an MLM bot. Sounds like she was reading the script

How annoying for you tho I’ve got no advice maybe just talk to her less often

It does sound very much like that. OP, I wouldn't be surprised if the next call was about some product that might help.

Steroid weight is a real pain in the ass. In my case it was all water & bloat, and my face was burning hot and cherry red to make it all the better. Thankfully it went away as rapidly as it set in but it was quite uncomfortable both physically and aesthetically. I would NOT have appreciated a commentary on it. Ffs, an organ transplant is a precious thing and no ‘helpful friend’ should be objecting to your dr’s advice!!!

I’ve had a few episodes of medication-related sudden weight gain and all I can do is remember it’s a side effect that will go away when it is time, and that the treatment is obviously necessary.

Send her a link to steroid use and side effects - no chit-chat, just the link - maybe?....

Forgot to add - so she can be more caring and understanding of what you are going through...

Just reply "what the actual fuck, dude? I've had a transplant, I'm on steroids and I am under a lot of medical care. Your weight loss advice is not required and is really badly placed while I'm recovering. If you want to stay mates, just wind your neck in about my weight. I realise you care about me, but you are showing it in suboptimal ways, here."

I wonder if she's actually a rep from some dodgy MLM promoting slimming products, I'm getting more and more cynical about them.

That was my first thought!

What diet was she recommending? Either MLM or some people get quite culty about all these youtube doctors and "doctors" which are popping up everywhere (like with anything).

It's very shitty she kept going after upsetting you

She's not being helpful. It's insulting to offer unsolicited advice about someone's weight. If she does it again (through speech or text), I'd cut her off immediately and say that you've heard it all and aren't interested in discussing it. I wouldn't mind being rude, since she's the one who's started it! Either she can talk about other things (like a normal person) or you'll end the call/ignore her texts.

I’d message her saying “what part of STEROIDS don’t you understand” and then not be in touch.

She’s not worth the bother.

@category12

Just reply "what the actual fuck, dude? I've had a transplant, I'm on steroids and I am under a lot of medical care. Your weight loss advice is not required and is really badly placed while I'm recovering. If you want to stay mates, just wind your neck in about my weight. I realise you care about me, but you are showing it in suboptimal ways, here."

Or say this.

@ZzzMarchhare

Some people who have always had good health think that it is all their own amazing work rather than pot luck. She can’t deal with the fact that life can and is turned upside down with no warning so she was trying to make it your fault by putting on weight. Sounds harsh but had similar when I had a similar experience.

I so agree with this.

Random health events can derail a previously ‘healthy’ lifestyle. We only have so much control over our lives and the luck of the draw is a real thing!

Your friend sounds like a poor listener, she didn’t pick up on the clear signals you were sending her about her ‘advice’. I’m sorry you had to get upset, and then she still pursues the subject after you’ve ended the call. Ignore her, OP. One day she might understand.

You have had an organ transplant and all organs including brain are now working. Which is more than can be said for the "friend"