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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give DDs their Xmas / birthday gifts today?

109 replies

elfycat · 28/11/2020 12:00

DH thinks we should wait until Xmas day to give them their new laptops ( we're picking them up now). His reasons are that they will have have the best present of the season on that day.

I think they should have them today. DD1's is replacing a broken one (her present from 3 years ago) and the insurance paid out approx half of the cost of this new one. I asked her to wait (4 months) in getting the replacement until the Black Friday sales so we could upgrade it with this years Xmas budget and get it in the sale to upgrade it further still. She's using a slow and previously broken/ repaired one now.

DD2's birthday was last week. This is her combined present and while she had a piece of plastic tat from us to open ( and an office chair for her desk area from my parents) we haven't given her much of a birthday present. She is currently using my old broken laptop with completely dead battery. It switches off immediately if the charger comes out. She preferred mine over her terrible one ( the one DD1 is using at the moment).

My argument is that they already part own these new computers and are frustrated by the heaps of shit they currently use ( with good reason) and who are we to deny them the use of the decent upgrade they already morally part-own for a showy Xmas morning.

AIBU?

OP posts:

PrivateD00r · 28/11/2020 14:19

Personally I would wait, it isn't that long and you say they use them mostly for hobbies so it isn't essential, and they can make do with what they have until then.

However it sounds like how you 'do' Christmas is very different to how we do it, so really it is up to you and dh to decide!

Bluntness100 · 28/11/2020 14:23

Personally I’d also wait but then I don’t believe the magic of Xmas is just about Christianity or Santa, nor do I think it’s all about the gifts I think it’s exciting to have decent presents to open on Xmas day,

BillysMyBunny · 28/11/2020 14:24

I think it sounds fine to give them now. Presumably they will have gifts from other friends/ family and it’s sad how many of the people on this thread think the ‘magic’ of Christmas is about big gifts. You can still have a lovely day with a few smaller gifts for them to open and then the meal, family games etc. In fact I’d argue it would be a better day as if they get their new laptops in Christmas Day no doubt they’ll then want to spend all day on them which isn’t exactly very social. Better to give them now and then spend Christmas Day enjoying other aspects of the festivities.

DominaShantotto · 28/11/2020 14:24

Mine got laptops early - with school closures looming it seemed a very good time to do it to make sure they were all set up and sorted for them in case they ended up having to do stuff from home. They know we're not going nuts for Christmas for them - but they've still got plenty of little bits.

If they hadn't needed the laptops for schoolwork I would have waited - but the teachers are setting everything online this year and not wanting to handle paper the kids have touched so they got them early.

Floralnomad · 28/11/2020 14:34

I’d give them to them now because as you say they already partially ‘own’ them , particularly the one for the joint birthday present . I think it’s a shame that you think Christmas magic is all about FC , my dc are adults and we still have a magical christmas.

Witchend · 28/11/2020 14:38

I would give it to them.

But we do also do stocking presents and "tree" presents in our house, so they would have more to open. If that's all their presents then you might like to find them something little to open. (sweets and stationary are good ones!)

SomelikeitHoth · 28/11/2020 14:39

Let them have them. Crazy to wait

Original poster

elfycat · 28/11/2020 14:40

To reply to people thinking I'm chap for using an insurance payout to 'pay' for this years gift...

Her new computer is touchscreen, converts to tablet mode, etc etc. It's better than mine by a long way. But she wants to do digital art and the guy in the shop took a computer design course at college and said it's what he wished he'd had. The insurance voucher came to just over £400 and she could have had a good laptop for that, but with Xmas budget from us and my parents we've over doubled that. Her 'gift' is to add the Xmas budget value and yes we did all wait for the sale this week to buy a slightly better one still.

They will have a token present on Xmas day. Something frivolous. DD2 asked for colourful leggings when I asked her what she'd like today.

OP posts:

Original poster

elfycat · 28/11/2020 14:40

Cheap* My 'e' is sticking

OP posts:

PrivateD00r · 28/11/2020 14:46

OP I have no idea how anyone would think 2 new laptops is 'cheap'! It certainly isn't!

schnubbins · 28/11/2020 14:54

"Good things come to those who wait" .Children need to learn to wait for special gifts which they are.I would wait until Christmas

Backbee · 28/11/2020 14:56

But she wants to do digital art and the guy in the shop took a computer design course at college and said it's what he wished he'd had.

Well do they want them now or are they happy to wait? You have said what you and your DH think.

ukgift2016 · 28/11/2020 14:56

I would wait until Christmas. How meh some people are!

Christmas is meant to be special.

bumblingbovine49 · 28/11/2020 15:09

@emilyfrost

I think you’re being quite tight actually; not only making one of them wait for months on end for a replacement so you can get it cheaper but then to say it should be her Christmas present too.

Give now, but don’t call them Christmas presents because they’re certainly not.

Blimey. You have no idea of the financial situation of a poster. What the hell gives you the right to say that?

Original poster

elfycat · 28/11/2020 15:16

Backbee we haven't told them we've picked them up. They would want them now because they're tired of the quirks of the old ones.

I may have just won the argument by asking DH who is going to waste hours setting them all up on Xmas day. He said he'd do the login passwords and connect to wifi.

I then asked if he was going to be the one downloading all of their games and apps and could he make a reasonable guess at their passwords, or was I going to not have to cook Christmas dinner and do it instead. Apparently I can give them whenever I'm ready to waste half a day...

OP posts:

Elfieishere · 28/11/2020 15:19

I’d wait to xmas now personally. You already made one child wait 4 months... is another 4 weeks really going to matter

TheDowagerDuchess · 28/11/2020 15:22

Ha ha! You see, he hadn’t thought of that point of view!

Although I guess you could still do the set up in advance and give on Xmas day...

alreadytaken · 28/11/2020 15:23

Give them 1 December - and something small to open Christmas day.

None of us even knows if we'll be alive by Christmas. They need them now. 1 December can be the start of the Christmas season.

Christmas comes early this year because it's been a rubbish year, no need for it to stay rubbish for them.

orangenasturtium · 28/11/2020 15:30

Have the girls actually asked for them now @elfycat?

If they have, why do they want them now? Is it just because they want instant gratification? If they just want them because they know they arrived, I wouldn't let them have them.

If they have asked if they can have them now because they are struggling with what they have or because they think it is fair because it is a joint birthday/Christmas present or it is a long awaited replacement, I would let them decide after pointing out that they won't have many gifts to open on Christmas day.

If they haven't asked, I think you might actually spoil their enjoyment of the gift. Anticipation can be joyful and you are taking that away. Giving them to them now turns the gift into something rather than mundane and practical.

I wouldn't ask them if they haven't mentioned it though. The temptation of the offer might be more than they can resist and they might regret the decision come Christmas Day.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 28/11/2020 15:32

I don't think laptops for school work/coding etc should be a Christmas gift, they're a necessity these days, I do get waiting for black Friday/prime day etc to get a good deal if the old ones are limping along.
I understand not having an unlimited budget, but you don't have to spend a fortune at Christmas. I prefer separation between gifts and things that are needed. Our dishwasher is on the way out, if DH bought one for Christmas I wouldn't be impressed, and if he bought one and then expected me to deal with the old rubbish one for another month because I had to wait for Christmas Day, I'd probably bury him under the patio.
Give them the laptops they need, but make them understand there's no magic money tree, this year has been tough and Christmas gifts will be small to reflect that.

islockdownoveryet · 28/11/2020 15:36

I might add that is no 'magic of Christmas' in our house. They've known for years that Father Christmas isn't real ( and been sworn to secrecy at school).
Am I the only one that thinks that a little said they the 10 year old has know for years no father Christmas going off topic .
But I'd make them wait something to look forward to.

orangenasturtium · 28/11/2020 15:36

@elfycat

Backbee we haven't told them we've picked them up. They would want them now because they're tired of the quirks of the old ones.

I may have just won the argument by asking DH who is going to waste hours setting them all up on Xmas day. He said he'd do the login passwords and connect to wifi.

I do think you are turning this into a dull, practical decision for your convenience. Or is it that you aren't bothered by Christmas gifts on the day so you are assuming your DDs aren't? Or is it that you can't wait to give them the gift?

Why don't you just ask the girls for their passwords a few days before Christmas and set them up then, then rebox them? It's not like they don't know they will be getting them and you are spoiling a surprise.

AlwaysLatte · 28/11/2020 15:38

I think I would wait but let them use our laptops in the meantime so they have something decent to use for schoolwork, etc.

phoenixrosehere · 28/11/2020 15:59

Am I the only one that thinks that a little said they the 10 year old has know for years no father Christmas going off topic.

Many kids realise it on their own before 10 though.

riotlady · 28/11/2020 16:02

@islockdownoveryet

I might add that is no 'magic of Christmas' in our house. They've known for years that Father Christmas isn't real ( and been sworn to secrecy at school). Am I the only one that thinks that a little said they the 10 year old has know for years no father Christmas going off topic . But I'd make them wait something to look forward to.

Mumsnet is flipping obsessed with the “magic of Santa”. I figured it out when I was 6 (Santa’s handwriting was the same as my mums) and still had many wonderful, magical Christmases!

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