Do you think a 6 year old needs to know he has autism (and be taught about it)

[Dolmiofordays]

YABU - no, he doesn't need to know he has it.

YANBU - of course he should.

Feel free to give your reasons why, either way.

Why wouldn't he know? He absolutely should know, and be given information in a way he can understand. Autism can affect their lives in so many ways, and may help him understand why (if he is) he behaves differently to his peers.

I also think not telling children is bizarre, and I feel like it's hiding it which makes me feel parents are ashamed of the diagnoses which they absolutely should not be.

Interested to read responses. My (Aspergers - so high functioning) DB was diagnosed at 8 and has NEVER been told! He is 33 now I was told as a teenager about it. It's never been mentioned again since.

Yes, a child should be told they are autistic and this should be done in a positive and age-appropriate way. However when they are told would depend on how new the diagnosis is, as well as the child's understanding and how they feel about potentially being autistic.

I have two autistic DC and they know. With the first we didn't tell him until around three months after he was diagnosed mainly because we wanted to understand it all first so we read the reports, we did some courses, read some books, spoke to various people, and then we told him. With the second we waited around a month after the diagnosis because he was fed up of assessment appointments and talking about himself so he needed a break from the process before we could talk to him about the results, we also wanted to read the reports again to get to grips with the support measures recommended. He was younger than his brother was when he was diagnosed so we had to tailor the details to his age and understanding.

I usually use the comparisons of other lifelong disabilities that require ongoing interventions (be that medical, developmental, mental/emotional), such as diabetes/epilepsy/down syndrome etc, etc.

If you wouldn’t bend over backwards to hide your child having any of these conditions then why would you hide autism from them?

We were told by the psychologist and psychiatrist we saw not to tell DS. But to concentrate on the "everyone is different we all have strengths and weaknesses" message. He's 10 now, he was reassessed this year and they said the same again.

Anyone who is autistic should be told they are, and should have access to age appropriate information. 'Being told about it' leaves the autistic vulnerable to other people's prejudices and to limitations caused by other people's negative expectations. Stay in touch with the online autistic communities and be wary of advice from anyone who isn't autistic.

Yes I think he should be told and each time it’s discussed, it should be in an age appropriate way. You can just increase his knowledge as he gets older.

I never told my dd (she was diagnosed at 2) but in year 6 each person had to give a presentation on what matters to them, it was alphabetical order (we are near the beginning) first kid talks about Liverpool football club, second talks about some teen film star, third about their pet then it was DD's turn and she did it on understanding neurodiversity and how friendship matters - I hadn't discussed it with her, she researched it from google! You can imagine the next few kids scheduled for that day scrambling to write something more meaningful than loving whatever band was big then! Her head teacher called to tell me and she was asked to help shape policy for the new unit at the school for autism. I'm not sure if I should have told her, but she worked it out without my input - at 6 I'm not sure it's helpful unless he is asking

@HuntedForest

We were told by the psychologist and psychiatrist we saw not to tell DS. But to concentrate on the "everyone is different we all have strengths and weaknesses" message. He's 10 now, he was reassessed this year and they said the same again.

How absolutely bizarre of medical professionals.

I told mine, both of them knew why they were going to meetings and assessments. I always wonder what on earth people tell their children when they go to these appointments. Very young children excepted of course

@HuntedForest

Sorry I meant to add; when you say he was reassessed what do you mean?

I'd imagine that there are reasons individual to that child for the psychiatrist to recommend @HuntedForest did not tell her DS. Our neurologist told us that our DS needs to know but he had a lot of anxiety around being different and not fitting in so needed the explanation of why. Like everything, it's not one size fits all and what is good for one child to know may be harmful for another.

I've told my daughter that her friend has it, so I bloody hope that kids knows! Imagine being diagnosed by your friend.

Well yes, it's his body and his diagnosis so of course he should know.
Why wouldn't you tell him?

All children should be told their diagnosis as it's their diagnosis, it belongs to them

Yes. My Ds has asd . He feels different at least he knows why.

Depends.

At 6 my child didn't understand. He had severe language and communication delays. Now he is 16, he understands. By waiting it wasnt a big deal or sit down and discuss news, it just happened in stages. Talking about news articles together and now he just knows. Was never an issue at all. All came in time.

Yes you should tell him at some point, if you think now is the time, if not then wait until he’s older. Surely knowledge is power. There are so many adults who are now diagnosed who say that having that diagnosis made everything fall in to place. It’s not something to be ashamed of or hide.

I told my 8 year old DD. She wasn’t remotely surprised as she had already figured out she was different. She’s 13 now and proud of who she is. She has had a lot of behaviour problems that have led to anxiety and poor self esteem. Without some explanation for why she is the way she is and I can’t imagine what state her mental health would be in.

I'd imagine that there are reasons individual to that child for the psychiatrist to recommend @HuntedForest did not tell her DS.

Maybe there was but the post didn't give them so i can only go on face value which was to tell them everyone is different we all have strengths and weaknesses which indicates a level of understanding difference. Based on that I do think it's wrong to suggest not telling the child.

It depends on the child really. Some are very observant and see things that they question, like allowances being made, reasonable adjustments etc. I do think children should definitely be told, but it's when that's the difficulty.

My ds was diagnosed at three and he was barely aware of anything going on, including his not taking part in the Christmas show at school because he didn't understand what was happening. Trying to explain a disabling disorder to him then would have been ridiculous. I did think he would have noticed more "special treatment" and questioned it but he never did, perhaps because his norm was for school to treat him differently and get him doing different things.So for him perhaps the need wouldn't have been there at that age. For Gancanny's dc, they were much more alert to what was happening in their worlds, so it was more appropriate to tell them without significant delay.

So at six, my DS didn't know and I don't think it would have been helpful to tell him then. But for other six year olds, it might be appropriate to tell them asap. (One thing to bear in mind is that children with autism are usually delayed in their maturity by about a third, so a six year old is developmentally similar to a four year old. This might be a factor to consider with explanations.)

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t - it’s not like saying they have an illness which will shorten their life. I’ve heard plenty of cases of adults who are not diagnosed until later in life who experience a huge sense of relief to finally understand why they have always felt different from everyone else. I just can’t comprehend a situation where everyone ( the school?? ) my family knows something profound about me that they didn’t tell me.

I have an autistic dd and absolutely should your ds know. My dd struggled enormously with her mental health because she didn't know why she was different (late diagnosis)

I would say yes he needs to know. He needs to know as there are things he will struggle with over the years and needs to understand why and that it is not that he is naughty or a bad person which is what can happen. Those types of conversations mean that you can really build him up by helping him see what he is good at and that everyone is different. You can look at the things he finds difficult and explore them and get open conversations from the start rather than have autism as the dirty secret pushed under the rug. If he finds out later he may see it as something that is meant to be hidden and to be ashamed of. We used the My awesome autism book to start conversations.

My DS was diagnosed at 5 and we told him in an age appropriate way. A couple of years later he actually asked us why his brain was wired differently. It's not something we or anyone else told him or he'd read - he just realised he was different. He's 12 now and over the years we've often had discussions about it. Unless they are incredibly mild, how on earth do you explain specialists meetings, getting called into school over behaviour issues? As it's often the case, parents trying to protect their children from the truth often backfires and they will make their own assumptions, which is more damaging imo.