Do you think a 6 year old needs to know he has autism (and be taught about it)

[Dolmiofordays]

YABU - no, he doesn't need to know he has it.

YANBU - of course he should.

Feel free to give your reasons why, either way.

My adult child has High Functioning Autism; I explained when he was diagnosed exactly what it meant; he has accessed the Autism UK website many times and quite frankly I think it helps him to understand why his thought processes are so different. Why shouldn't you tell them? He knew he was 'different' anyway.

As someone who has only recently been diagnosed at the age of 50, if I'd known from being a child my life would have been much easier than spending years just thinking I'm shit at life.

If no at what point do you intend to tell him? Don,t you think it will help him explain why he is different to others? Don,t you thiink it will help him make sense of who he is ?

Thank you for all of the replies so far.

The little boy isn't my DS, but a nephew.

I agree with the majority here that he should know but his mum doesn't think he needs to.

Of course you should tell him yourself, in terms he can understand and can explain to other people if he needs to.

If you don't tell him you can be sure that sooner or later he'll hear it from somebody else , maybe in a hurtful way

I also think if you dont tell them reasonably young, how do you later tell them? This is my parents argument now - how do we tell DB at 33?! He will be so pissed off now we didnt tell him as a child. They live in fear of him requesting his medical records from GP for a job or something!

Its not really unreasonable for those that have not told them. Autism is a language and communication disorder for many and my son would not have understood at 6. He would have panicked.

He has a right to know, when would you tell him if not now.

Very early on you recognise you're different, he will feel better knowing why he's different.

Dont tell him it means he cant do things though tell him it makes some things harder for him but others easier, so he has to work harder at certain things but that's ok. Everyone has things they're less good at, mummy's not very good at time keeping so I have to work harder to make sure we get places on time but I still get us there dont I?

Absolutely nothing good would come of not knowing you had autism until later in life. Its nothing to be ashamed of, it's a thing that is, and one that has big implications for how one experiences the world and navigates through it.

It's not like he's not going to notice.

I dont think its a big deal telling him at 6. We just started to use the word in discussions if mentioned on TV or films. Read books and eventually the word was absolutely common in our house (given 5 out of 6 have autism lol) then my son was fine...think he was about 10. Was no big deal.

yes - just like you would tell them if they were diabetic etc. It's a medical condition they will have for their whole life and they need to learn how to live with it and manage it. How can they do that if they don't know? How do you explain doctor appointments or medication if they don't know? What about accommodations and learning plans at school?

Just like any other medical situation, you have to do it in an age-appropriate way. There are many books available aimed at sharing this info with children. I used to sit with DD and read some of them together - it was a warm, cozy time when we focused on her and what could help her.

However - if this isn't your child, it isn't your decision. No matter how much you think the parents are making a mistake, you have to wait until asked rather than force your opinions on them. They are learning how to deal with having a child with a life-long, inherited medical condition. It can be immensely difficult for parents to process this. Kindness and support are needed for them as well.

Yes he should because

1- he might need specila support and he needs to know that it's not because he is failing/not good enough

2- there is no way he will learn how to handle the world if he doesn't also have some awareness of the issues he might have (and that he will NOT see as an issue from his pov. Or that it is creating problems for others. eg issues with personal space)

If t's your nephew, you can't do anything unfortunately.

I suspect school will have a word with the mum though and it will come out in some way there.
Eg Why do I have someone with me in the morning when no one else has???

As an adult with adhd it would have been so much easier to understand the world around me if someone had explained to me as a child how and why my brain worked a bit differently to other people’s.

I work with a lot of neurodiverse children and their some great resources out there to help them understand how they think differently. I’d particularly recommend the Joe Shaul books for age 6 to 12

My 6yo would not understand, if he were capable of understanding I would tell him

At 6 I think it depends on the child. Are they capable of understanding what autism is? Do they have behaviours or traits which they or others have noticed are obviously different? Do people around them know they are autistic (more relevant with HF ASD)? If not, and the child announces to everyone they know that they are autistic, will they still be comfortable with that when they are older? It won't be the same decision for every child.

BTW, I drew a tree, one of those with sticks to depict the branches and twigs. I told him that his brain was like the tree but some of the twigs weren't connected and that is why his thinking was different. He understood that.

My friend told her DS that he had a special brain that worked a little bit differently to some other children, so his feelings and things he liked to do might be different as well.

I don't know how old he was though - it was before I knew them.

Yes he should learn about his differences (avoiding the use of the word 'disorder')

Perhaps a conversation along the lines of 'everybody has something different about them; I get hay fever in the summer and need to take tablets, dad is left-handed and needs special scissors and you have something called autism ...

Kathy Hoopmann has written a series of books which are very useful to read with a child to help them to understand their diagnosis. The autism one is "All Cats Are On the Autistic Spectrum."

So is she planning on never telling him or just now?

It's a tricky one. My 6 year-old is almost diagnosed with autism, we are just waiting for the final appointment. He wouldn't understand if we told him his brain is wired differently. He doesn't question why we keep taking him to the hospital. He will need to be told something but I don't know what.

We told DS through various comments from when he was 2. He’s grown up knowing he has Autism, and knowing that’s why he finds somethings more difficult than his friends do. He also knows that his Autism makes him better at stuff too.

He told me recently that a teacher gets him to email her anything she doesn’t want to forget, because she knows he won’t forget to do it! He said ‘she asked me to do it cos my Autism is useful’

I am a SEN TA. Last year I worked 1:1 with a girl whose parent did not want her to know. She realised she was different from other children, but always thought it was because there was something wrong with her. Her mum referred to it as "her troubles".

Telling her, and working with her over the year to identify her challenges and her strengths was absolutely transformational to her MH. She also took great comfort in getting to know others with autism, and realising that they were all different from her, and each other. Difference became a positive thing for her.

She has now gone to secondary a happy, confident girl.

My son has known since he was about 9 when he was transferred to a specialist school. It would of been very odd not to tell him and he was easily able to understand what it meant and how it affects him. I was happy for him to know so that he never felt it was either a secret or a bad thing... he's very positive about Autism and it's benefits etc

My friend's son has just been diagnosed. She calls it his 'Superhero power' and he's rather proud of it. I firmly believe that children deserve to know if it can affect their friendships, the way they cope with day to day life, school work, etc