To feel self-conscious about wearing SIL's favourite perfume

[Thickhead]

My SIL (ten years older than me) has always worn the same perfume. It's not a perfume you smell often but is extremely recognisable when you do, there's nothing else like it.

SIL wears it all the time, and also layers it with the same scented body cream etc. She always smells absolutely divine and it's been my favourite scent in the world since I was little. I think partly it's because of the happy memories associated with it - her and my DB (my idol) visiting when I was young.

Now I have tried lots of different perfumes trying to find 'my' signature scent but nothing remotely comes close to how much I love SIL's perfume. But it feels like 'hers', and every time I wear it I feel a bit guilty, like I'm stealing. I'd feel really embarrassed if she ever smelt me wearing it.

I'm being unreasonable aren't I? I think it's because scent is such a personal thing. I know she gives clothes with this perfume on to her kids to stop them being homesick etc...

I would wear it. Don't wear it around her if it makes you self conscious, or you could make a point of saying, " I got myself some of this perfume because you always smell amazing". Anyone who would be massively bothered about someone wearing the same perfume as them, is strange.

'Don't be silly, @NoPainNoTartine. Lots of people only ever wear one perfume -- I do myself. But if that perfume is widely available and commonly worn, wearing the same perfume as someone else in your circle isn't some kind of declaration of war or identity theft, and to think it is is like screaming that your SIL 'stole' your baby name when it turns out that the name is Jack.'

Yep. Dead on.

Also - people dependent upon a perfume as some kind of identifier or personality trait need a spot of help with life, frankly.

Wear what you want. If you feel self-conscious, just don't wear it around her, but I'd be very hurt if someone close to me objected to me wanting to wear a perfume they'd "found first". That would be utterly ridiculous of them, and they'd be the petty one, in that case.

@PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe

Also - people dependent upon a perfume as some kind of identifier or personality trait need a spot of help with life, frankly.

people who have no respect and care about anyone else around them should stop and think why they are so selfish and idiotic

If she wears it, she probably won't notice it on you. :)

And if she does, why not explain to her why you love it so much? I'd be quite pleased if someone else liked my favourite perfume.

There are only so many perfumes in the world. Some of us will wear the same, you know?

Some of us will wear the same, you know?

yes, because who doesn't want to be reminded of their dad when they smell their own husband 😂

I get the feeling that someone here has had her signature scent "stolen" before, and it still rankles...

@VetiverAndLavender

I get the feeling that someone here has had her signature scent "stolen" before, and it still rankles...

if you mean me, you got me completely wrong, but nice try to be goady

I've bought my mum some perfume I loved and got the same for me.

Should I worry that my bf will be put off by me smelling as my mum?

We have very similar tastes in perfume.

I used to wear some fairly high-end perfumes, when I had a few bob - my favourite was 'Philosykos' by Diptyque. It wasn't megabucks, but around 100 quid for the EDP, I think. It really was lovely, though. No-one ever commented on it.
More recently, I ordered some stuff from one of 'Brand Alley' type companies and it all went a bit wrong and they sent me a bottle of perfume as a goodwill gesture. Stayed in the plastic for yonks, and then I sprayed some on one day, just to see. A woman on the train and one in the station's 'Pret' asked me what it was, they liked it so much.

It was 'Heartbreaker' by Trump-supporting anti-vaxxer and porn star, Jenna Jameson. Retails for about eight quid. I think there was even a charm thingy around the neck that you could dangle from your bush, probably 😒 So there you have it.

The reviews of it on Clinique seem to be that the formula’s changed and it’s not as good now. Do you still like it though @Thickhead ?

I love Aromatics Elixir - reminds me of my mum
You’ve reminded me of so many childhood moments OP - I might have to get some ❤️

@PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe

NoPainNoTartine

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe
Also - people dependent upon a perfume as some kind of identifier or personality trait need a spot of help with life, frankly.

people who have no respect and care about anyone else around them should stop and think why they are so selfish and idiotic

Uh-huh. 'Wearing a well-known and high-selling perfume as a sign of disrespect, carelessness, self-centredness and stupidity.' I look forward to your defence of the PhD 😒

@NoPainNoTartine

No one owns a perfume (or a name or anything) but it's a pretty shitty thing to do.

Many women collect perfumes and change them as often as they change socks, it's absolutely fine. So of course you can wear one of these!

When someone as close has a signature scent, and is as close as your SIL, you are being ridiculous and petty. There are hundreds of perfumes, or eau de parfum if you don't want to spend a fortune, it's not hard to find your own.

You can even have your own one created as a gift!

What you could do is look at the perfumer and see if another one from their collection would work on you.

YAB massively U to wear hers.

Seriously? People give this much of a shit about how they smell? "ridiculous and petty" I would agree with but not directed at the 2nd wearer of the perfume.

@PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe

I used to wear some fairly high-end perfumes, when I had a few bob - my favourite was 'Philosykos' by Diptyque. It wasn't megabucks, but around 100 quid for the EDP, I think. It really was lovely, though. No-one ever commented on it. More recently, I ordered some stuff from one of 'Brand Alley' type companies and it all went a bit wrong and they sent me a bottle of perfume as a goodwill gesture. Stayed in the plastic for yonks, and then I sprayed some on one day, just to see. A woman on the train and one in the station's 'Pret' asked me what it was, they liked it so much.

It was 'Heartbreaker' by Trump-supporting anti-vaxxer and porn star, Jenna Jameson. Retails for about eight quid. I think there was even a charm thingy around the neck that you could dangle from your bush, probably 😒 So there you have it.

That is truly a harrowing tale.

You've just reminded me that the time I was most often complimented on my perfume, I was a teenager wearing Elizabeth Arden's rare and ultra-sophisticated Sunflowers!

No vajazzle accessories, alas...

Of course you can wear it .
I’m surprised you consider it to be niche.

It’s really common and I love getting a whiff of it on other people.

My friend always commented on how much she liked my perfume and then bought it herself. I was flattered. It would have been weird to be annoyed about a compliment!

My best friend wears coco mademoiselle and smells absolutely devine. She laughs when I sniff her 😂

I loved it so much DH bought me a bottle one Christmas and I excitedly put some on only to find that it smelled horrible on me! So disappointed 😟

“The reviews of it on Clinique seem to be that the formula’s changed and it’s not as good now.”

Yes, and the Yankee candle website has lots of reviews saying the candles don’t smell as strongly they used to .....I wonder why ...

Jesus Christ. My mind is well and truly boggled that this is on anyone’s radar! I must mix in very different circles.

I mainly smell of eau de Horse but when I do wear perfume it’s one that I bought because I liked it on my now ex step-mother. I started wearing it on my wedding day. Does this mean I am now damned?!

I didn’t even contemplate asking her if it was ok, I just thought “that’s nice” and bought it.

Who has room in their head for this sort of nonsense? No wonder some men still think women are vacuous....

@youvegottenminuteslynn CoCo so probably worn by half the female population. I like to think I've flogged a few more bottles.

Anyone else tempted to put Aromatics Elixir on their Christmas list?!

YANBU OP, just maybe don't wear it round her since it sounds like it might be a bit unsettling for those who know you both well. Have you tried looking it up on Fragrantica to see if you can find anything similar in tribute if you really can't get comfy wearing a direct copy?

I love perfume and despite wearing quite few, have one or two that are very much "mine" in the eyes (and noses) of others. They're fairly standard perfumes though so I'm hardly unique in the grand scheme. (Waves at fellow Givenchy Organza and Guerlain L'Instant Magic fans). I wouldn't give a tinkers toss if a friend or whoever loved them enough to copy and felt comfortable enough with me to wear them as well tbh. I'd be quite flattered unless they were doing it in a Single White Female type way or attempting to evoke me /usurp me by wearing it- which is unlikely.

Scent is incredibly evocative though. I don't know anyone who wears my dad's cologne. If I smell it, I think of him immediately. My ex admitted that a waft of YSL Opium killed any sexual attraction he had for anyone in seconds flat. His mother wore it religiously!

I always wear Narcisso Rodriguez. This year my MIL told me how much she loves to smell it and that she would like a bottle but didn’t want to offend. Honestly one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever had. She’s getting a bottle for bday. I’m sure your SIL will be thrilled with the compliment.