To think ex was being a twunt?

[BritishIdiot]

It was ds 3rd birthday the other day, all excited and hyer as they are at that age! Exp came over to celebrate with us. Exp was building a garage with ramps contraption for ds, when ds got a little impatient and pulled a gate off - not broke just pulled it out of its fitting. Ex totally lost it. "What did you do that for you're breaking it, I don't CARE if its your birthday I'm taking the toy away, you're not having it." He proceeded to put it in the kitchen out of ds reach all the while ranting on and on at him. Poor ds sat in his tent sobbing. "Daddy took my present."

Ds had been grazing all day on birthday treats as they do. Come dinner time he ate half of his dinner but really really wanted his cake. Ex refused to let him have his birthday cake until he ate, in his mind, a satisfactory amount of dinner. Practically force feeding him when he clearly didn't want it. "You are not having cake until you eat your dinner."

Now I'm all for discipline, getting the kids to eat, behave appropriately etc, but come on its his birthday cut the poor lad some slack.

This is the narcissist ex p that loves to ruin EVERY SINGLE special occasion somehow.

AIBU?

From my high horse of never being in your position, “your house, your rules “. Would that work?

Twunt is too polite.

I’d of stepped in and told him to leave after the gate incident not worth letting your little one suffer cause his dads an idiot

Why did you allow him to do this ?????

Why didn't you say something? I'm afraid I would have asked him to leave

Why didn't you tell him to stop bullying your 3 year old and get the fuck out the house?

If he ruins every special occasion, why have him there?

Why did you allow him to do this ????? with knobs on!

No he wasn’t being a twunt he was being down right horrible and I would have kicked him out of the house for that behaviour

Poor ds having his birthday ruined by a bastard like that

I didn't allow him at all, I had quiet stern words, after the cake incident I did tell him to leave. And of course I'm going to allow my son to see his dad on his birthday. I'm just a fool for believing he would actually not make it about him.

@BlueThistles

Why did you allow him to do this ?????

This

He doesn't get to behave like this in your home. Your home is your child's safe place, and if your ex comes it is at your invitation and under your house rules. If he can't follow them, then he doesn't get to come in. End of. You don't have to ban him from seeing his dad, but not under your roof where he gets to be a bully. He obviously has form for this, which I suspect is a reason he is an ex, so you have to be the strong one protecting your child. I think this is why we are all putting this on you.

@BritishIdiot

I didn't allow him at all, I had quiet stern words, after the cake incident I did tell him to leave. And of course I'm going to allow my son to see his dad on his birthday. I'm just a fool for believing he would actually not make it about him.

He wouldn’t be invited to ruin the next birthday with his pathetic tantrums, father of birthday child or not.

I still remember my 5th birthday because my mother ruined it by screaming and shouting at guests to get out of her fucking house during the birthday tea over some apparent slight. Hopefully your son won’t remember his 3rd birthday but he will remember future ones as he gets older. Don’t let the most memorable thing about his birthday be emotional abuse his father dishes out to him.

You watched, whilst your ex confiscated your 3 year olds birthday present, on his birthday? And allowed him to stay for tea after that?

I gave ds the toy back told him to be careful and play nicely. I wasn't sat there watching on. No way was he playing "bossy bully dad" in MY house. Of course then ensued the "playing the victim" silent treatment. It was after the cake thing I told him to get out.

Forcing a child to eat past the point where he’s full is likely to make him feel sick and in the long term will create issues with food and weight management. He’s training your son to ignore his body’s signals of being full and keep stuffing more food in. It’s abusive and if his dad is doing this on a regular basis it needs addressing. Why didn’t you put a stop to this abuse when you saw it happening?

Yeah I have to say, when he was refusing cake in your house, you should have just given him his birthday cake. If you are scared of him or his reaction then he definitely shouldn’t have been there, dad or not.

Your ex is, as you know, an arsehole. I'm glad you made him leave.

I did put a stop to it. I gave the toy back and told him he was being abhorrent. I told him if he doesn't want to eat leave him alone. He can't use not having his cake as a threat to get him to eat. It won't be happening again Mark my words. The man is a vile narcissist.

I’d be more worried that he’s force feeding your child when he has contact and you’re not there to stop it. It’s abusive. If he does this in front of you then god knows what abuse the poor little mite is suffering when you’re not there.

He sounds awful, maybe next year you can set a much shorter limit on his visit? Maybe just long enough to deliver the present and a couple of minutes chat? Letting him stay for so long doesn't sound like it will ever work.

Having had an abusive ex, I strongly advise to seriously limit how much they are allowed in your home ( I did not even have pick up or drop offs at mine). I did allow him in for Xmas morning for a couple of hours and invite him to birthday parties ( not in my home). You really need to impose strict boundaries and stick to them, give them an inch and they will take a mile.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4049904-To-think-dp-is-making-a-mug-out-of-me?pg=1

This is a link to a thread that you lovely mnetters spurred me on and gave me the courage to get rid.

For sure create better boundaries next time. A start and finish time, a little cute ritual (cake, song, whatever) then present, 15 mins and off. No sticking around to build elaborate toys, etc. Jolly, active, bustling, a few pics for posterity then out. Or better still, do it outside somewhere. His parent’s place? So you can leave when you need to?

Well done for all you do and sacrifice for your DS to make up for him having a horrid dad. I’m sure it’s not easy.

OOh, I remember you! Congratulations on sticking to it. But absolutely, this is a lesson - you don't need to accommodate him in your home. Twat.

You are setting your ds up for disappointing special occasions...