to send my son to nursery at 1 year old

[spicysauce]

Hi,

my baby is almost 4 months old and it looks like I will have to send him to full time nursery when he's 1 year old.

I'm feeling quite guilty about it as this isn't what I envisioned for my child and I'm scared that it will be hugely traumatizing for him.

The other problem is my mom, who believes I should be a stay at home mother. She was a shm for her four children and belive that's best for children.

She however lived for free in one of my grandparents properties. My father left as well when I was 10 and we went through a very hard time of financial hardships as a family. He didn't pay child support. My mother didn't have a career and we had to rely on our grandparents to support us. This created a lot of tension in the family.

Although I believe that it's best for children to be primarily with their mom until they are 3, I realized we just can't afford it.

We pay 500 pounds a month in mortgage, not too much.

Life is expensive however and I realised I'm just spending at the moment without earning anything (apart from SMP)

Our families don't live close so we can't ask them to look after our son whilst I'm at work.

My mother is completely against the idea of putting him in nursery. She tries to guilt trip me, asking "do you want to put your baby in the chimney while you're at work".

Can anyone reassure me that this is okay and it won't traumatise my son and affect our bond?

Do what you need to do. My DC were both in nursery 3 full days a week from 4 months old. I had no choice so we all just got on with it. Ask your mum if she's willing to support you in the same way she received support. If she can't or won't give you that she's not exactly talking about comparable situations so has absolutely no right to judge you. We also live in very different times to when she had you and your siblings so you can't directly compare situations.

Oh OP. My lot were in nursery from 10 months. Absolutely thrived. Arrived in preschool, socialised, happy and coped in reception brilliantly. Vs tranches of children who had been at home and genuinely struggled with the transition.

They’re now teens and not even mildly traumatised by their nursery years. My eldest is now in school with a few children he has known since 10 months old and they are best friends who walk to/ from school together.

My ex bf has children. His EXW is a SAHM, completely anti nursery (apparently separation from the primary care giver traumatises them.) Said children arrived at school unable to read or even hold a pencil properly. Terrible social skills. Eldest had a really tough time with the transition to fulltime schooling. And even now the youngest is developmentally behind the bulk of the peer group. Exacerbated massively with Covid - huge regression.

Send your child to nursery. They will be absolutely fine.

@Hardbackwriter

You're right, a company doesn't have to allow you to go part-time.

They will decide based on "business needs" whether they allow you to go part-time or not.