To feel bullied by my 10 month old?! What would you do? Pls help

[Mummyofmay2020]

She's become a boob monster at night. Was waking 3 times a night initially,, I thought it was excessive for her age so started trying the tap/shush to sleep method and refused to pick up. It was going well ish but we took a short break and after the break it's like she grew a temper and found her voice and decided I'm not having this - I'm putting my foot down!

She now wakes SIX times a night demanding a feed each time or will scream and cry until I give in. The other night she went on for 40 minutes until I gave in. We are in between houses atm so cannot put her in her own room yet.

What am I doing wrong? Surely 6 times a night for her age is ridiculous. Fyi she is not ill and i dont think teething.

Any ideas please desperately welcome?

My friend thinks i need to stop bf'ing altogether as she will get confused being allowed it in day and not night, but I'm not sure about this.

Sleep train?

Feed at bedtime then do a dream feed of formula maybe? Then controlled crying?

Sounds horrible. My DS was a terrible terrible sleeper and it made me unwell. I wish I had sleep trained sooner rather than later.

You're not doing anything wrong! This is what babies do sometimes I'm afraid, she's probably going through a growth spurt. My DD was exactly the same. You will just have to see it out (sorry I do wish I had a miracle cure). Do you co sleep?

My friend thinks i need to stop bf'ing altogether as she will get confused being allowed it in day and not night, but I'm not sure about

Your friend is talking out of her bum.

You can successfully night wean without having to stop altogether but I waited until my daughter was a year and was through her biggest leaps and sleep regressions to avoid having to keep repeating it. If you haven’t already got it, I recommend the wonder weeks app. You’ll probably find she is right bang smack in the middle of a leap. Good luck!

When do you move? I think you'll find this easier once she is in her own room.
My DD was in with us until she was about 14 months and was also feeding often, I think it became a comfort rather than because she was hungry.
Once she was in her own room I stopped night feeds and sent DH in to settle her. By the third night she slept through without a peep. She was furious night 1 and 2

Growth spurt, sleep regression, teething, the start of knowing her own mind. The amount she is waking is a lot, and it's hard, but it's not out of the range of normal. I'd see if it passes in a few weeks to see if it's got a temporary cause, before worrying too much. Mine was waking somewhere between 4-12 times a night at around that age. It's now dropped to 1-4 at 18m, though often one is quite protracted now (4-5am last night).

Shes a baby OP so she doesn't have to make sense. Like all things with small children: it is a phase. I have bf both my DCs and just fed them whenever they needed it, day or night.
Give it a week or so and I'll bet she's feeding less in the night. Then in 3 months time it'll be more. Age 2 she'll wake at 3am every day for 3 weeks and then stop. They are strange little people but eventually they sleep like normal humans.

What your friend said is bollocks.

Massive sleep regression at 8-10 months. This too shall pass. Stick her in bed with you, feed on demand, survive. This age was the absolute rock bottom for me and DD, then at 11 months she randomly went down to one wake-up a night. Then regression again, but never as bad as that era. We gently night-weaned at 17 months and she couldn’t have cared less at that point, no screaming at all. Do what you can to survive!

Oh yeah and you’re friend is giving you bad advice. Babies will adapt to whatever feeding you dictate. It takes time but day feeding and no night feeds are normal.

It's a phase
Just do whatever you need to get more sleep. Just feed her when she wants to feed, don't let her cry and get herself all worked up, it will just keep you both up longer
I wouldn't bother sleep training. A lot of aggro and it doesn't always work, it didn't work with mine. Also most advice says not to night wean before 1. And please don't feel you have to give formula, this is all perfectly normal, no need to drop the breastfeeding. Are you on any breastfeeding support facebook groups etc? They can really help, it is very typical for young babies to wake regularly through the night.

Ps. if it makes you feel better, random phases we have gone through which have both started and stopped suddenly and without reason:

• almost sleeping through at 3 months, going 10-5 without a feed, bliss
• waking every 45 minutes at 5 months, like clockwork, sheer hell
• randomly slept through the night twice at 10 months for no obvious reason, kept checking that she was still breathing, tried to replicate conditions to encourage a repeat performance but no luck. Complete fluke.
• would only sleep in our bed from midnight onwards between about 14-16 months? Uncomfortable, would not recommend
• took 1-2 hours to put to bed every night for about a week, around 15 months. when she dropped from 2 to 1 nap. Then was fine again
• The one I found the hardest - at 20 months waking around 3-4am every night and not going back to sleep for about 2 hours. NOTHING WORKED
• At 22 months started sleeping straight through the night every night. No idea why. It's been going on for about 3 weeks now, I did nothing different, probably also a phase.

Around that age I went back to work and DH took parental leave. He co-slept, I went to another room: I expressed milk and he fed it to her in a bottle. First night, I went in at 3am as she wouldn't settle, next few nights she woke repeatedly, grudgingly had the bottle, was still a bit generally grumpy, by the end of the second week she totally accepted it, didn't want the bottle and more or less slept through - she'd often wake up and have a daddy cuddle and go back.

I'm still feeding her at two though hoping to stop, it did ultimately result in DH co-sleeping for nearly another year though and I couldn't go in there as she would still want milk if I was beside her. But Christmas is coming up, assuming you have a partner and will be taking some time off, could you try something simlar then?

I will say there was no other change to her behaviour when we did it, she'd wake and feed every two hours but always had, it might be touch if she's in a bad phase. I would probably try and suffer through it for another month then try to move out of the room (assuming you have someone to swap in in your place)

She’s tiny. She’s waking up hungry in the dark wanting comfort. I know this isn’t helpful, but it’s just what happens sometimes.

Is baby's father around? If so, could he see to her at night, for several consecutive nights, with a bottle of expressed milk or formula? She'll be furious the first couple of nights, but once she realises it's the bottle or nothing, she'll accept it.

Once she's happy with the bottle, the next step is to reduce the amount of milk in the bottle. Do this very gradually. She may be hungrier during the day.

I don't think you've done anything wrong, but consider this. Last time she screamed for 40 minutes you eventually gave in and fed her. She isn't silly, she knows that screaming works! And @theconstantinoplegardener has given excellent advice.

She's probably just hungry. I used to make pots of fruit and peanut butter or veg and hummus for midnight snacks at that age

Personally I just let DD breastfeed whenever she wanted and she grew out of it at 12 months. There’s too many sleep regressions/ teething/ development at that age. So glad I never left her to cry. It’s difficult but unfortunately normal for that age.

I feel like we often expect too much from our babies because of the stuff the books/the internet say. They are all different. My nearly 1 year old has different night every night. Last night she did a 4/5 hour chunk at the beginning of the night which is great for her, but the night before she was crying every 20 or so minutes for the first 3 hours until gone 10pm for no reason. I am tired 9/10 but have learnt to just go with it. She won't be this small forever and her first year has already wizzed by.

she is sooo young still OP, she is not bullying you, she wants comfort. It is age appropriate I'm afraid.

If she's waking you up anyway then could you try just feeding her? I'd have thought she'll wake less if she has a full belly even if she doesn't need it. It wont go on forever and it sounds like youd get more sleep yourself

She very little, she’s not doing it to piss you off. It’s just what babies do sometimes. Your friends advice is stupid.

At 10 mii ok mths it’s likely she’s too busy and distracted to feed properly during the day so makes up for it at night as well as separation anxiety.
She doesn’t have the higher brain functions yet to be manipulating or bulling you. Seriously.
Feed your kid and go straight back to sleep.

Your friend is a complete idiot. 10 months is literally just a baby. She isn't bullying you. It's biologically normal for a baby to wake frequently to breastfeed. Yes, even beyond the newborn weeks. Teething, growth spurts, sleep regressions or just needing comfort. These are all needs that need to be met, not bullying tactics.

I think that society gives silly expectations of baby sleep - that it's truly awful in the newborn days then gets better and then they sleep fine well before a year. And yes some will fit they model, but most don't.

My baby woke more at 10m than at 10 days, and I was a lot more knackered.

It's not linear, it's a weird meandering path that gets better and worse, and eventually most sleep well, but for some that at 3m, at some it's at 3y (and beyond). Some babies sleep pretty well as newborns and terrible later, some the other way round.

But I don't think we tell this to new parents, because it's pretty disheartening when you have a newborn and you then find out, that your sleep might get worse, and you might be working at the same time as it, so people keep it relatively quiet, and then people think there is something wrong with their baby rather than it being entirely age appropriate normal, and yet rubbish, infant/toddler sleep.

Op is she hungry?

She is likely to sleep longer if she’s fuller. I would agree with your friend, breastfeeding at this age is really only bringing comfort and if it isn’t doing it, just stop it, you don’t need to presevere as others have put it, there are plenty of ways to ensure both you and your child get a good nights sleep, which is of more importance than continuing to breast feed.

@Bluntness100 In the nicest possible way, it sounds like the reason that the breastfeeding isn’t bringing comfort is because the OP is trying to delay feeding and not ‘give in’ which is resulting in a lot of crying etc. If she just fed straight away then baby would probably go back to sleep.

Also breastfeeding at 10m is obviously providing more than just comfort, it’s nutrition as well, if OP weaned then she’d have to give formula instead.