To feel bullied by my 10 month old?! What would you do? Pls help

[Mummyofmay2020]

She's become a boob monster at night. Was waking 3 times a night initially,, I thought it was excessive for her age so started trying the tap/shush to sleep method and refused to pick up. It was going well ish but we took a short break and after the break it's like she grew a temper and found her voice and decided I'm not having this - I'm putting my foot down!

She now wakes SIX times a night demanding a feed each time or will scream and cry until I give in. The other night she went on for 40 minutes until I gave in. We are in between houses atm so cannot put her in her own room yet.

What am I doing wrong? Surely 6 times a night for her age is ridiculous. Fyi she is not ill and i dont think teething.

Any ideas please desperately welcome?

My friend thinks i need to stop bf'ing altogether as she will get confused being allowed it in day and not night, but I'm not sure about this.

My 1 year old DS fed 6 times last night. Sometimes is 2 sometimes it’s 13. IME this is normal baby behaviour and has nothing to do with BF. Many formula fed babies are also poor sleepers.
Either pop her on the boob and get her back to sleep quickly or leave her to cry for 40 mins and then feed her and then you’ll both be even more tired 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Babies needs change day to day, week to week and month to month. Probably a developmental leap or growth spurt or maybe something else.

@Bluntness100

Op is she hungry?

She is likely to sleep longer if she’s fuller. I would agree with your friend, breastfeeding at this age is really only bringing comfort and if it isn’t doing it, just stop it, you don’t need to presevere as others have put it, there are plenty of ways to ensure both you and your child get a good nights sleep, which is of more importance than continuing to breast feed.

Sorry this is really uneducated advice. Breastfeeding has a lot of benefits at this age. Of course if the OP is ready to stop that’s absolutely fine - but she says she is unsure and shouldn’t be pressured into it.

I would recommend the milk meg if you’re on Facebook OP- lots of good advice on night wakings, nutrition etc. if you decide you want to keep breastfeeding.

It's a regression, it will pass! She wants to be with you. I know it's hard but it's what they do. You could cuddling her back to sleep and waiting longer each time until giving in to boob, so slow but steady approach.

@Bluntness100 please educate yourself if you're going to give advice.

I stopped breastfeeding at this age for this reason.

That sorted everything out, but is possibly now considered as not baby-led and old-fashioned and not the thing to do.

Once he started drinking milk from a cup and eating more (regular mealtimes) he slept better (through the night)

I missed breastfeeding for a bit but it was definitely the right thing for him and for me.

Don't let her cry. She's a tiny baby and she still is getting so much from breastfeeding. And even if it is 'only comfort', why is that a bad thing? She's a baby, of course she needs comfort.

I know how frustrating it is, how awful the sleep deprivation is, how draining feeling 'touched out ' is. I went through it too. And I listened to similar bollocks from friends and family and tried to sleep train. Total disaster and left me and my baby a sobbing wreck. I was wracked with guilt.

It's a phase, it'll end before you know it. Just bring her into bed with you, have a cwtch and feed her.

I sleep trained DC1, haven't sleep trained DC2 who still co sleeps with me at age 1. I suspected the sleep training made no difference to DC1 and couldn't tolerate DC2 crying and waking DC1 if I had tried sleep training again. So I didn't sleep train. Do you know, it hasn't made a damn bit of difference. DC2 is exactly the same as DC1. So all I feel is guilt for all those nights trying to force DC1 to sleep on his own...

Can babys dad help to settle her, with you she is going to keep going till she gets milk, because you do give in and give the milk eventually.

I think you either need to accept it may be a phase and keep feeding, or go cold turkey and do zero feeds in the night.

I personally went xold turkey, i knew she didn't need a feed if she woke and i just settled her. Took a few days of a lot of crying but then it worked.

I went through this phase with my eldest and I second the advice to send DH in. She settled far better for him. I think in the case of my DD, she was actually hungry because he offered her yoghurt, which she took but it is not in any of the parent books anywhere! It helped break the association with milk in the night and the association with me. My DD is a teen now and is small very her age and is still very much a grazer - as is my DH. DS was more of a big feed type of boy - as I am (well, except I am not a boy)

We co-slept and I'd turn and feed, turn and feed all night long. She was also a boob monster. LOL! What a name but it describes it well.

When she was 13 months, DH took a week off work and he slept with her all night and I went to another room to sleep. He slept with her all night while she cried. The first night was bad with quite a few wake ups, but DH just put arm around her, stayed in bed, lots of cuddles she went back to sleep. By night five, she slept through until 7am. Only couple of wake ups by the second night, one thereafter.

I was a new person, having FINALLY had more than one hour's sleep in a row. DH caught a cold by the end of the week and became quite grumpy but I think had a smidgen more compassion for how shitty my life had become since our little darling had been born.

TLDR, I recommend sleep training with someone who has no boobs.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong - ours were often still co-sleeping at this age and DD1 and DD2 had fearsome wills and DS would go to sleep once fed so was often easier to just feed and co-sleep safely around.

DD1 stopped bf around 12.5 months - she stopped night waking around 11 months but had long feed before bed. DS was nearer 18 months when he stopped bf and DD2 was around 20 months - and I did push that a bit as I'd had enough. They all went to their own beds - so co-sleeping had no effect there.

I think Lelophants advice is probably best - unless you've had enough of bf and want to stop.

Are you coping @Mummyofmay2020

My friend thinks i need to stop bf'ing altogether as she will get confused being allowed it in day and not night, but I'm not sure about this.

Many other countries advocate 2 years. WHO recommend up to 4 years old.

My HV told me to stop feeding through the night at 1year as if I was crazy/a bad mother for doing so. By that point I was so done with all the bullshit I'd heard from health visitors talking out their arse.

I felt like saying to her "here you go, you sleep train him then because we've tried and actually given how much its destroying my mental health and the only way I'm getting any sleep whatsoever is through breast feeding, fuck you". DS was a late weaner as it was and not through our lack of trying. If I'd have stopped he wouldn't have eaten at all. Thats just how bloody stubborn he is.

Ignore what your friend is saying. What do YOU want and what is best for you and your daughter. All this nonsense about 'you should be doing this at that age' is crap.

FWIW, DS has never been a sleeper. He still isn't. He only started to properly sleep through age 5 and he still has bad nights age 6.

Its just his thing. Its not like we haven't tried. Some just do certain things at different ages.

I co slept and continued to feed on demand. 9-10 months was when I went back to work with all of them so they reverse cycled and fed a LOT more at night for a while. Whilst it might not work for everyone, I found with co sleeping I got plenty of sleep. I knew sleep training was not for me and I never wanted to do it, so I ignored all the pressure to try it.

It's not true that night weaning means stopping breast feeding. I night weaned at 14 months but continued to bf past 2 years. Including going back to work. Your body and your baby are remarkably adaptive and very good at this!

I know it's really hard but your baby is expressing a need, not trying to hurt you. It could be that she's waking in pain if she's teething or she could just be unsettled because of your holiday or it could be hunger. If you think it could be teething you could try pain relief at bedtime and see if she goes a bit longer.

At this age, she should breastfeed on a schedule during the day. I still breastfeed my 11.5 month old dd and she eats solids. She is not given a bottle of formula, so just breastfed. She manages 12 hours a night straight and sometimes 13! She did not sleep 12 hours straight until 9 months though. She will wake once or twice a week sometimes at 10 or 11pm for some breast, which I allow. But that is it. I will not feed her more then once in the night.

What i did to get her to sleep through was, I dropped the 3/4am feed and would not feed her that one anymore (but would give the 11pm feed). After a month of dropping the 3/4am feed, she eventually dropped the 11pm feed.

During the day she feeds upon waking 6/7am. Breasktfast an hour later. Breastfeed at 10am, 3pm and 6pm.

It’s a phase. Ignore advice about what your baby should or shouldn’t be doing. Your baby is telling you what she wants. If you give her the milk and the cuddles that she’s asking for you will both be happy.

They don't recommend stopping feeds at night until at least 12 months. Have you tried giving a snack during your night routine? We gave a small snack before the last feed, during storytime, and found that cut down night wakings due to hunger, but it could be a regression, growth spurt, or teething! We ended up sleep training at 18 months but not using controlled crying - we used a gentle method. Sleep training isn't an easy option either though, you have to be commit to a brutal week or two. I think 10 months is young for training and the number of wakings sounds normal to me 🤷‍♀️ but I'm currently BF'ing baby #2 so may be used to it.

With my DS I used to put prepared bottles of formula standing up in his cot against the wall and he used to feed himself at night. Unfortunately my DD would not do that.

It won't be hunger; she probably just wants the soothing comfort of sucking. Give her a dummy . Scatter several dummies around her cot so that if she wakes up and its fallen out, she can find another

She's not even a year old. She's not bullying you. She's not 'doing' anything to you.
She has basic needs that she is trying to have met - safety, warmth, nutrition. There's no thought process involving how can I make mum's life hard.

If you are actually starting to think that your baby is bullying you or trying to make things hard then I think that means you are exhausted and need more rest. Is there anyone who can help you out a bit more?
Also, your friend is talking bollocks.

@SamPoodle123

Do you use the same principle on yourself? Fixed times for eating and drinking, and just once having even a sip of water after 7pm, and if thirsty in between, you with allow yourself any more?

@2bazookas

It won't be hunger; she probably just wants the soothing comfort of sucking. Give her a dummy . Scatter several dummies around her cot so that if she wakes up and its fallen out, she can find another

It can be dangerous to use dummy's to suppress hunger so it's important to offer food first

There is no magic solution, choices include accept and co-sleep to make it easier, or controlled crying until she gives up.

She won't be confused and you don't need to give up bf until you want to. You might give up bf and find she still wakes for formula anyway and you have added a job of making up bottles.

Don't decide on controlled crying then give in, you will only teach her to cry for longer as she will learn you will eventually give in.

We co-slept and found ds woke up less as the bf was for comfort rather than hunger.