To feel bullied by my 10 month old?! What would you do? Pls help

[Mummyofmay2020]

She's become a boob monster at night. Was waking 3 times a night initially,, I thought it was excessive for her age so started trying the tap/shush to sleep method and refused to pick up. It was going well ish but we took a short break and after the break it's like she grew a temper and found her voice and decided I'm not having this - I'm putting my foot down!

She now wakes SIX times a night demanding a feed each time or will scream and cry until I give in. The other night she went on for 40 minutes until I gave in. We are in between houses atm so cannot put her in her own room yet.

What am I doing wrong? Surely 6 times a night for her age is ridiculous. Fyi she is not ill and i dont think teething.

Any ideas please desperately welcome?

My friend thinks i need to stop bf'ing altogether as she will get confused being allowed it in day and not night, but I'm not sure about this.

Sleep regression. Feed on demand fo get through it as quickly as possible. Don't listen to your friend. Boob as needed until at least one years old.

Don’t deny your baby food, comfort and safety. It is normal for babies to wake frequently!
Why is it ok to leave babies crying in hunger at night but in the day this would be child abuse? Crazy!

God you will get millions of comments saying oh bless etc she is hungry - but honestly, I had a mental breakthrough about night feeds when I thought - would I let my baby/ toddler eat toast at 1am? no I wouldn't.

It's up to you - but I started giving water in a bottle and my baby started sleeping through more often.

Of course its lovely for them to breastfeed at night - but like a dummy they will start waking and wanting it as a habit to settle.

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY - if you don't want to breastfeed all night long!

Remember - the vast vast majority of babies are not breastfed by six weeks let alone 10 months - so of course your baby will be fine if you attempt to keep BF for day time so you can be a sleep filled human.

"Boob as needed until at least one years old."

erm I am speaking as a massive BF advocate (and breastfed both mine til they were toddlers) but honestly this sort of attitude is what stops people breastfeeding.

A mother also has a say in when/ how often breastfeeding occurs.

if the mum wants to reduce it - then that is fine! Most british babies are not breastfed by six months let alone 10.

The OP is perservering beyound the cultural norm - let her have a bloody break at night if she wants to.

and btw - yes it's normal for a 10 month old to have milk to settle at night - but several times a night is a sleep problem not hunger.

It's totally normal at 10 months to still feed at night. Presumably she's not eating all that many calories yet so still needs regular feeding.

6 times is excessive. How many of those are you feeding? Mine fed 3 hourly until we night weaned at 14 months. We did this by sending dad in who would cuddle to sleep (with some crying obviously). It worked, within a week or two they slept through and still sleep over 12 hours a night at 2.5 yrs.

You'll get there, don't stress yourself out, every baby is different. To me, it sounds like she needs you still.

@Wondergirl100

God you will get millions of comments saying oh bless etc she is hungry - but honestly, I had a mental breakthrough about night feeds when I thought - would I let my baby/ toddler eat toast at 1am? no I wouldn't.

It's up to you - but I started giving water in a bottle and my baby started sleeping through more often.

Of course its lovely for them to breastfeed at night - but like a dummy they will start waking and wanting it as a habit to settle.

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY - if you don't want to breastfeed all night long!

Remember - the vast vast majority of babies are not breastfed by six weeks let alone 10 months - so of course your baby will be fine if you attempt to keep BF for day time so you can be a sleep filled human.

Yes but if a baby isn't breastfed at 6 weeks, then they will be formula fed. Not just left with no milk all night.

"God you will get millions of comments saying oh bless etc she is hungry - but honestly, I had a mental breakthrough about night feeds when I thought - would I let my baby/ toddler eat toast at 1am? no I wouldn't.

It's up to you - but I started giving water in a bottle and my baby started sleeping through more often.

Of course its lovely for them to breastfeed at night - but like a dummy they will start waking and wanting it as a habit to settle.

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY - if you don't want to breastfeed all night long!"

Thank you!! Guys she can't be that hungry!! I swear I'm not starving her, she gets loaaads in the day and plenty of solids. Although I've noticed she's possibly having a bit less in day now that she's getting more at night. I think it's become a comfort thing and she's using boob to settle self back to sleep during sleep cycles possibly. Her cot is right next to me so as soon as she wakes and stands, she will bellow at me and try whack me awake 😂😭😭

Also guys, I was being a bit tongue in cheek/dramatic using the word "bullying " I DO know she is not some cunning mastermind who plans this behaviour on purpose. I do feel like it's a battle sometimes though and she's naturally realised yelling works in her favour. For the record, I'm not in favour of cio method either , hence why i said my attempt at sleep training was staying by her cot to show her im here, cuddling and shushing but not picking up. I didnt mind 1 or 2 feeds a night but 6 seems a bit crazy. I acknowledge it can possibly be sleep regression/growth spurt, that had gone out of my mind as i'm soo tired .

Dad not around atm. A family member who i'm staying with and has great bond with her tried helping 2 nights by doing the picking up etc but she just became really upset and angry,, wouldn't settle until she got the boob.

I was not feeding my child any milk at night at that stage. Breastfed til six months and then stopped, and formula at night for about six weeks, then a dreamfeed and then none overnight. A few nights of screaming and it was over.

He's happy, healthy, fine. Plus I can do my job and earn money. (Went back to work early in the NHS during the first wave of COVID, which determined decision to sleep train, but would do it again).

Sleeping is also a skill that children need to learn. It took four days, and afterwards, he was much happier.

It is not child abuse.

@Wondergirl100

and btw - yes it's normal for a 10 month old to have milk to settle at night - but several times a night is a sleep problem not hunger.

Such garbage. There are a million reasons breastfeeding babies need the breast - comfort, security, to calm them - I’m really surprised a breast feeding advocate would suggest it’s either hunger or sleep.

This is totally normal and she needs contact with her mum at night.

HRTFT but it really helped me a lot when I told myself that actually they weren't out to ruin my life.
I accepted it because I did not have the will (or support) to do anything else. It was horrid, but they are 21 and 11 now and it's all fine.

Are you quite sure she’s hungry and not cold? DS went through a phase of waking every hour, but wasn’t hungry enough for more then a few sips. I got him into a warmer sleeping bag and he slept the night through without waking once.

I would be amazed if she was so hungry she needed 6 bf in one night! Yes of course it’s comforts and there’s nothing wrong with it IF it suits you both. I think you can look into gentle sleep training methods if it’s something you think would benefit you, ultimately you must not be getting any sleep! And it’s very easy for everyone on here to tell you to carry on, & 6 times isn’t that bad it could be 20 times but that’s bollocks.
I night weaned at 9m but did use DH to go in and resettle. I see that’s not an option for you so you will have to find a method that works for you. Yes there will be tears but not forever and it helped me a lot to recognise when DD was crying because she was angry she wasn’t getting what she wanted rather than actually being upset because something was wrong with her.
Good luck OP with whatever you decide. You’re not doing anything wrong by feeding her every time but remember that you matter too!

@Pumperthepumper by 'sleep problems' - I am including issues like comfort - maybe that's a harsh way of describing it - but having had a very bad sleeper who fed many times a night, I feel like I was imprisoned by my fear that my son was hungry - when, with a mild bit of sleep training (ie. deciding to stop feeding so often at night) he slept much better so quickly - I was so so unhappy and tired - I just feel sad for the exhausted mums who post and are told its all or nothing - so if you care about your baby you are supposed to just feed feed all night long.

I think it's perfectly okay to say that much as the baby may love the comfort and pleasure and soothing nature of breastfeeding, it's okay to say as a mum that you want to limit it - say - to two feeds between bedtime and morning.

That was how I started to reduce feeds - I aimed to get it down to two milk feeds between bedtime and morning - other times, it was cuddling or patting etc or water....and it made a big difference.

"She's not even a year old. She's not bullying you. She's not 'doing' anything to you.
She has basic needs that she is trying to have met - safety, warmth, nutrition. There's no thought process involving how can I make mum's life hard."

This.

OP my sympathies, it's a hard time you're going through and you sound at the end of your tether but your baby is not bullying you. There is another thread going on about the overuse of the term bullying and this thread struck a chord with me

Please, you do what is right for you, feeding however you see fit to get you through the day. It's tiring, horrible, wearing but it isn't bullying.

A 10 month old baby is hard, it’s probably the hardest age but it won’t last forever.

I was in a similar situation op and just before her first birthday I decided to just go competely cold turkey on the night feeds and give her a cup of water if she woke. Steeled myself for it, thought it was going to be absolutely horrendous. She didn't even care, woke, drank the water, went back to sleep. Within a few days she stopped waking at all in the night, I mean why bother if it's only water? She still sleeps with a sippy cup of water even now at age 4

It’s tough but if you are giving in after 40 mins of screaming, you are teaching her that screaming = eventually getting milk.

I found the best thing with my son was to pick up and feed but gradually reduce the length of the feed, take him off before he fell asleep and then cuddle/stroke him until he fell asleep before popping him back in the cot. To begin with he would whinge and get a bit cross when I took him off but within a few nights he would just roll over and go to sleep within a few minutes of cuddles. Once he had learned how to go to sleep without milk, he started sleeping a lot longer at night. I still feed him if he wakes at night but only for five minutes and it’s only once a night if at all now.

OP I would suggest bringing in a supper snack just before bed. Banana works well for DS but porridge or similar would equally work.

I’ve had nights like this with DS (in fairness he’s 8.5 months) but it’s only when he’s hungry. It might not be hunger, might be nothing to do with it but I’d at least try so you can rule it out.

Also I’d keep a water sippy cup by your bed. I only feed DS a Max of twice in the night (usually just once) but if he wakes up more I give him water and let him lay against/hold booby with his dummy in. X

I’m reading this thread out of curiosity as my child is now an adult. Oh my word I had forgotten how hard caring for a baby is and how tiring night feeds were.

I just wanted to say to all you mummas that you are absolute warriors and I have so much respect for you.

These hard work phases do pass and get replaced with another worry or stress, ie every time she’s goes out in the car.

But in the meantime you ladies are amazing and have totally got this 👊🏻💐

These threads drive me nuts. People so fanatical about breastfeeding they fail to think of mother or child.

There is no reason this baby shouldn’t be sleeping through the night. She doesn’t need to be fed six times a night for any reason. She doesn’t even need to be fed once during the night at ten months,

Opl make both you and your kids life easier, knock the breast feeding on the head, your baby will be a lot happier for it. As will you be. You must be exhausted. And there is no need for it. Make sure she’s well fed before bed, and warm enough, and you’ll both better for it.

Big sleep regression at 8 to 10 months. At 10 months there's also a lot of development going on so DD is bound to be a bit out of sorts.

You could do a formula feed at night. That might cut the feeds down. Then bf in the day and before bed. This will also stop her using boob for comfort at night and start getting her used to bottles.

The important thing is to remember you aren't doing anything wrong. Let dd lead you and listen to your gut.

There is no reason this baby shouldn’t be sleeping through the night.
Plenty of babies and toddlers wake up well beyond 10 months, and plenty continue to wake even after night-weaning. You can’t force children to sleep through. Maybe night-weaning is the answer here – I’m not anti-night-weaning, I’ve done it – but I hate it when it’s peddled as the sleep solution when often what it means is you just have to find another way to comfort the baby when it wakes. And usually that other way involves getting out of bed instead of feeding lying down.

@burritofan

There is no reason this baby shouldn’t be sleeping through the night. Plenty of babies and toddlers wake up well beyond 10 months, and plenty continue to wake even after night-weaning. You can’t force children to sleep through. Maybe night-weaning is the answer here – I’m not anti-night-weaning, I’ve done it – but I hate it when it’s peddled as the sleep solution when often what it means is you just have to find another way to comfort the baby when it wakes. And usually that other way involves getting out of bed instead of feeding lying down.

Right now there is no reason. And no one knows if this baby is hungry and cold because she’s hungry.

Making sure she’s a fully tummy and subsequently warm enough is the thing that gives most babies a good nights sleep.

It’s the first thing she should try. Not persevere with sleepless nights so she can be a slave to breastfeeding a ten month old child.

Sometimes we need to support what’s best for the mother and child

And sometimes the most obvious bloody solution is the one to try first.