Celebrating adult birthdays

[NeonIcedcoffee]

Inspired by another thread. Why are loads of mumsnetters so down on adults enjoying their birthdays? Do you not like to have joy and celebration in your life? Do you not like to have fun? Is it deeply uncouth to enjoy one's self on your birthday and I missed the memo?

My view is, life is at times hard so take all the joy and celebration you can. This means enjoying your own birthday and that of loved ones.

It’s about not expecting friends and relatives to inconvenience themselves massively in honour of the precious day. There’s a middle ground.

I don't know the thread in question but I can tell you I hate birthdays. I do like to have joy and celebration in my life but my birthday serves as a reminder of some quite serious neglect I suffered as a child; it doesn't interest me. Maybe other people dislike birthdays because they also hold bad memories.

We are grown up not precious little kids, special Birthdays deserve celebrating otherwise any other bday is just another day.

I think it's fine for adults to celebrate their birthdays, but not fine to be too precious about whether other people make enough fuss about it.

An alarming number of MNers expect women and mothers to STFU, stay in the background, have no agency and only make themselves known when wiping arses, cooking, cleaning, sorting everyone's shit out (including making birthdays and Christmas lovely), and working. We must never ever have fun outside our children, and to expect a little appreciation in the form of a box of chocolates is greedy and entitled.

It's really, really weird.

If you're so big on joy, OP, why are you being so confrontational?

Growing up adults in my life didn't make a big fuss about their birthdays and I don't now I'm a grown up. It's just the day I was born - what's the fuss?

I'm old (well, mid 50s) and normally I'm not bothered about birthdays.

But this year was different, I should have been away on holiday with DH somewhere exotic but thanks to Covid I was stuck at home instead.

So, to celebrate the occasion my three adult DC came round, we had dinner together, all got very pissed and very silly and stayed up until a ridiculous hour chatting and taking it in turns to choose the music. It was bloody good fun and I loved it.

I plan to do exactly the same again next year.

I'm old (well, mid 50s)

You're not old. MN is getting obsessed with women of 50+ being in their dotage.

@AlexisRoselovesTedtheVet yes, you're right. Thank you. I shouldn't have put that, especially as I know perfectly well there are loads of people in my age bracket on here.

I'm definitely not in my dotage. I take umbrage at the very thought

Growing up adults in my life didn't make a big fuss about their birthdays and I don't now

They didn't in mine either, and I always thought how sad that was. Like suddenly you get to adulthood and you don't matter. I'd like my kids to see me as a human being, not just MumBot. It's important that our families know we're important and worth celebrating too. In a world that is set against women of a certain age I'm not sure why anyone would actively try and be invisible to their families.

If you're so big on joy, OP, why are you being so confrontational?

😂😂😂😂

Don't be ridiculous! Confrontational? Did the OP confront you or make you post on this thread?

*I'm definitely not in my dotage. I take umbrage at the very thought"

glad to hear it @DramaAlpaca. And I've just got your username!

I have no problem with adults celebrating birthdays. I enjoy gifts and a special meal, and if nothing else, I'll buy something for myself to mark the occasion.

I probably would roll my eyes over someone who expected everyone to make a huge fuss over them on their birthday, though. The type of person who expects everything to be about them on their birthday is just exhausting, self-centered, and annoying.

That said, they're no worse than the Fun Police type who thinks it's bizarre or weak for adults to want a little special treatment on their birthday.

Do you not like to have joy and celebration in your life? Do you not like to have fun? Is it deeply uncouth to enjoy one's self on your birthday and I missed the memo

😂😂😂 you must be new here. According to most of mn it's blasphemous to enjoy yourself at any point in time, ever. You must always be sitting still, po faced with a cats arse mouth, disapproving of everyone having a good time. Grass them up or ruin it or get it shut down if you can. And dont eat anything more than a grape.

We are grown up not precious little kids, special Birthdays deserve celebrating otherwise any other bday is just another day.

See.

The type of person who expects everything to be about them on their birthday is just exhausting, self-centered, and annoying

I'd love to be that person, just once, but having a birthday on Christmas day means it's never going to happen. .

Celebrating birthdays is fine. Expecting to be the centre of attention is ridiculous, unless it's a special year one. Parties should be fun for EVERYONE who attends, not just the 'birthday person'.

Any excuse for a knees-up - I love celebrating with people.

I don’t tend to celebrate mine because I’m a Christmas baby and it’s basically impossible. But I love celebrating other people’s, whether it’s a big one or not.

Having said that, my friends are normal people, not attention seeking weirdos, so celebrating their birthdays is fun.

What i find most odd about the threads i see on here is the expectation of other people to arrange everything and gets upset when a party isn't done for them; all the adults I know including family and friends (from all over the place) arranges their own parties and gatherings, or does it as part of a conversation with their partner. I personally think expecting others to sort it out for you is a bit childish.

I don't see the problem with balancing out crap days with good ones and being able to let your hair down and make it all about you for just one day of the year. I don't personally do it as I don't have family nearby so I'd rather just forget about it. Also because I'm crap at organising myself so that I can get a nice gift for people on their own birthdays and set aside time for them. I don't recall getting grumpy because someone else made a bigger deal of their own birthday than I do of mine.

I agree with you 100% OP.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

An alarming number of MNers expect women and mothers to STFU, stay in the background, have no agency and only make themselves known when wiping arses, cooking, cleaning, sorting everyone's shit out (including making birthdays and Christmas lovely), and working. We must never ever have fun outside our children, and to expect a little appreciation in the form of a box of chocolates is greedy and entitled.

It's really, really weird.

Yea this.

And why are people so extreme in their reasons for their dislike of birthdays? Not wanting to celebrate your own is fine. Telling other women they are ridiculous Nd childish for wanting to celebrate theirs is poor form.

And behave with your over the top disgust at women who expect ‘everyone’ to drop everything and celebrate, when the majority of the threads this joy sponge attitude crops up on are the op upset at their HUSBAND not making them feel special on their birthday, not the whole land.

@premiumhob

I don't know the thread in question but I can tell you I hate birthdays. I do like to have joy and celebration in my life but my birthday serves as a reminder of some quite serious neglect I suffered as a child; it doesn't interest me. Maybe other people dislike birthdays because they also hold bad memories.

Do sorry this was your experience. I totally understand why you feel this way. I accept if course there will be others who feel like this. However I'm talking about what seems to be an overall attitude to birthdays. I hope that not enough people have experienced what you did to for that to be the reason behind the collective dislike.

@GalaxyCookieCrumble

We are grown up not precious little kids, special Birthdays deserve celebrating otherwise any other bday is just another day.

But why this attitude is what I'm asking?

I’ve seen this happen everytime Valentine’s Day comes around.
Almost all women here runs to tell how silly the day is, they don’t care, don’t like romance bla bla bla....