Celebrating adult birthdays

[NeonIcedcoffee]

Inspired by another thread. Why are loads of mumsnetters so down on adults enjoying their birthdays? Do you not like to have joy and celebration in your life? Do you not like to have fun? Is it deeply uncouth to enjoy one's self on your birthday and I missed the memo?

My view is, life is at times hard so take all the joy and celebration you can. This means enjoying your own birthday and that of loved ones.

In our house we make a fuss of each other on birthdays. Why not!? Obvious stuff for the kids but for dh and I, we'll buy each other nice gifts, cards and pressies from the kids, usually a treat meal out (on or near the day) and we let the one whose birthday it is, just relax for the day, so the other will do all the running around with the children etc... I'm lucky too that my friends and family always acknowledge my birthday and will send cards and gifts. I don't expect a fanfare from them, but it's nice that they remember and make me feel special, I appreciate it and also reciprocate it for their birthdays.

For me birthdays are a chance to show my friends and family how much I love and appreciate them by giving them a bit of fuss. Yes, that should be done generally and at other times too but birthdays force me to make sure I put the time and effort in to actually do it!

Bet some of you lot are fun at parties 🙄

I love celebrating my birthday, my friends birthdays, DH's birthday... What's wrong with having a bit of a knees up and a few hours just about you?

I find the concept of adults buying gifts for other adults silly. I always get given stuff I don't want which I end up re-gifting or giving to charity. And I always worry about what I can buy for people as I never know what they want

It's a waste of money and why do we feel pressure to do it? Same at Xmas.

I have drawers full of body lotion, bubble bath and eyeshadows In colours I don't like. And jewellery I'll never wear.

I'm all for celebrating a birthday but find it irritating when people insist on something specific like, I'm having a weekend away and then get upset if their friends can't attend.

Or a party, and everyone has to wear a themed costume. It's putting unnecessary stress on your guests. Let people turn up and be themselves and feel comfortable.
It's precious

There are quite a few po faced mumsnetters but equally there does seem to be a few spoiled brats too.

"My DH took me out for dinner and bought me a nice, but not out of this world small gift for my birthday. I have been hinting all year that I would recall like to see the northern lights in Iceland or Finland yet he ignored me. AIBU to feel upset.

I’ve changed my mind recently. I use daily to think it was entirely ridiculous and was dismissive. I still think there is a middle ground and too much sulking and fussing around adult birthdays is crass but I was flying to the Middle East with KLM on my birthday last year. The cabin crew were very solicitous as I boarded in Schipol and throughout the flight. Then before landing I had the crew sing happy birthday and present me with a birthday cake, card and bottle of champagne plus three delft houses for my children. I was seriously embarrassed and said thank you, but I don’t really celebrate my birthday now I’m getting older.
The attendant said that’s because you’re not Dutch. In the Netherlands we are pleased all our people can now grow old in safety. We celebrate life itself and freedom. It struck a chord and made me realise he had a point. I’m intending to be more gracious about birthday celebration henceforth.
Celebrate or not, as you want.

Celebrating adult birthdays yes, just not over the top as some do. Which puts pressure on those with low incomes who are asked to join in, can involve single use clothing, and is one of the reasons for so many flights for short holidays.

There's celebrating and celebrating. Having a nice meal out or small party (bigger for a 40th or 50th) - fine. Expecting:

• huge/expensive presents
• multiple days/events of celebration
• loads of friends to travel huge distances/spend a lot at every birthday

= way overkill.

I have a friend and every year she seems to expect her birthday last at least a week and include:

• a posh meal with her DH but often wider family as well
• a family gathering with her parents/aunts/uncles/cousins
• another gathering with her DH side of family
• drinks with work colleagues
• another night out with uni/mummy friends
• a spa day with her old school best friend.

While these look like distinct events with separate groups, in reality there's overlap as she will invite closest friends/relatives along to several things.

Often she will gripe about there being some reluctance on the part of some/all of these people to get involved or moan that people aren't free & it's been hard finding a date for something.

I don't know if it's because she is an only one, and her parents lives did and do revolve around her. In my family there are more of us and we simply don't have the time to do all of these for each of us.

I love birthdays, both me and DH always make a fuss and ensure we always do something special even on normal insignificant birthdays for both of us. The DC also love that. My mum always made birthdays such a magical day I like to carry that on through adulthood .

I always make sure I make a fuss of my friends and family to. I love a birthday.

I find it odd too OP, I don’t really know anyone who doesn’t celebrate their birthday - we’re all early 30s.

I think it’s nice to commemorate yours and your friends birthdays, I would hate for anyone to feel like I didn’t care about their day.

Each to their own, but it’s not wrong to want to celebrate (or not want to!)

@MerchantOfVenom kind of nailed it in saying their friends and family are normal so don't want loads of attention on their birthdays. Spoiled brat style.

So I wasn't actually thinking of that because I don't behave like that nor do my loved ones! I also think that although there are spoiled brat type posts and expectations regarding birthdays. The negative attitude is way more prevalent than just a response to this behaviour. AND it seems to be that posters often assume any kind of want to celebrate a birthday is bratty.

Eg somone will say I'm sad because my mum said she needs to go to the garden centre but I've invited her over for a tea party for my birthday. And people will say op is being self centered and a big baby for even having a little tea party. Let alone expecting her mum to attend. (hypothetical example)

Agree with others that it's the expectation that everyone else should rush round, providing a surprise, giving extravagant gifts etc etc. I am happy to celebrate my birthday, but I prefer to do it the way I want ... invite friends that I chose, a meal that I want etc. I don't want a 'surprise'.

And I don't get that you can only treat yourself once a year which is what so many mumsnetters seem to imply I want a special day I would hope that my friends and family treat me nicely, and with respect, all the time, not just because it is 'my birthday' .

@Lilliarna

Do you not like to have joy and celebration in your life? Do you not like to have fun? Is it deeply uncouth to enjoy one's self on your birthday and I missed the memo

😂😂😂 you must be new here. According to most of mn it's blasphemous to enjoy yourself at any point in time, ever. You must always be sitting still, po faced with a cats arse mouth, disapproving of everyone having a good time. Grass them up or ruin it or get it shut down if you can. And dont eat anything more than a grape.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

And never ever ever take your eye off your children for a minute, lest you have a moment to yourself, and every sentence you speak to them must also be a profound lesson and if you get it wrong they'll be scarred for life.

@ClaryFairchild

Celebrating birthdays is fine. Expecting to be the centre of attention is ridiculous, unless it's a special year one. Parties should be fun for EVERYONE who attends, not just the 'birthday person'.

What bollocks!

And why are people so extreme in their reasons for their dislike of birthdays? Not wanting to celebrate your own is fine. Telling other women they are ridiculous Nd childish for wanting to celebrate theirs is poor form

I strongly suspect that it's because their own families never come through so they convince themselves they didn't want a birthday acknowledgement anyway rather than face the fact their family is shit.

I’ve noticed this too op, it’s bizarre. We are big on celebrations in my family and I think that is ok on days that only come around once a year.
Same with anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Christmas etc.
It’s nice to make people feel valued which is why we do it.

It’s my birthday this week, I will probably get a few pressies and we will get a takeaway from a really nice local restaurant on Friday . Probably wouldn’t be much different if there wasn’t a lockdown.
I think what pisses people off is when someone in their 30s or 40s gets all upset because all their friends and family didn’t make a huge fuss.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

Growing up adults in my life didn't make a big fuss about their birthdays and I don't now

They didn't in mine either, and I always thought how sad that was. Like suddenly you get to adulthood and you don't matter. I'd like my kids to see me as a human being, not just MumBot. It's important that our families know we're important and worth celebrating too. In a world that is set against women of a certain age I'm not sure why anyone would actively try and be invisible to their families.

I think this about Christmas presents too.

I don't get the "all presents come from santa" arrangement some people have, because how do the kids learn about getting each other gifts? I've loved gift buying since I was a child, and bought ridiculous and probably highly unwanted gifts for everyone. Including wrapping up my last two pounds because nothing really appealed to me for my big sister.

Agree with PP though, it's expecting other people to prioritise it that's the problem. I make a big fuss of myself on the day, and let my husband know what I want

There's a difference between enjoying your birthday with family and/or friends and having a bit of a fuss made of you (as a single parent, that's a rarity, so even a cup of tea and toast in bed is appreciated) and being an attention seeking weirdo.

I'm afraid I don't subscribe to the 'thou shalt not celebrate thy birthday once an adult' notion on MN.

I'm not Oliver Cromwell and a bit of fun and fuss on your birthday makes an otherwise sometimes monotonous existence a bit more palatable!

I do so much for my partner.
I expect one day a year where it's all about me.

I do so much for my partner.
I expect one day a year where it's all about me.

Sounds like there is a serious inbalance in your relationship that needs to be addressed first.

Oddly My DH birthday today! Not much we can do except a walk by the beach .Hopefully next week if we are unlocked ,can go out then for a lunch .He always treats it as "just another day"anyway and I get excited by mine even though Im in my 50s now!

GalaxyCookieCrumble

"We are grown up not precious little kids, special Birthdays deserve celebrating otherwise any other bday is just another day."

Says who?

Sorry, I forgot, women are supposed to sacrifice any joy or agency in their own lives on the altar of motherhood. What a depressing attitude.

I "forgot" my birthday for most of the nine years I was married to a miserable bastard who thought I should count myself lucky if he cooked my dinner on my birthday.

Now I'm happily divorced I'm determined to make as much fuss of myself on my birthday as I possibly can. Not going to be a primadonna and insist that people disrupt their lives for it but also damned if I'm going to pretend I don't want a bit of consideration and love.

My birthday was a couple of months back .Went out for Supper in town ,had a lovely family day , and out for lunch with friends a few days later !

We are big on celebrations in my family and I think that is ok on days that only come around once a year.
Same with anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Christmas etc.

The thing is, YOUR birthday only comes once a year. But let's imagine you have 3 kids, a spouse, 2 siblings, 2 parents, 2 PILs, your partner has 2 siblings too, perhaps 2 or 3 close friends.

That's 15 people's birthdays to have a big celebration for. Add in valentines day, christmas, easter, and an anniversary, and you are having a party or celebration every 3 weeks, and that's only your 2 or 3 closest friends and assumes you dont do anything for cousins, close work colleagues etc.

It's a big commitment on people's time, and you can feel you must do it for everyone if you do it for one person. Many introverted people don't enjoy big social events that much and don't want to be at a party every 2 or 3 weeks.

@DillonPanthersTexas

I do so much for my partner. I expect one day a year where it's all about me.

Sounds like there is a serious inbalance in your relationship that needs to be addressed first.

There isn't, I'm just a very proactive person. One of life's organisers. I just like to be treated like a queen one day a year. I'm not high maintenance other than that one day.