Is my friend jealous

[friendfoe]

I'm getting married next November (hopefully) and my friend is being really negative about it. She's single and we are both 30.

1. She's said my wedding won't go ahead and I'm selfish to be planning a large gathering at the moment

1. Has said 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce anyway

1. Said getting married / having a wedding is self indulgent and if 'people' not specifically me were really in love they wouldn't need a piece of paper to prove it

Is this jealousy or is this what most people really think but are just too polite to say?

@Yeahnahmum that's such a strange response!

If that's how she feels, she won't want an invite will she 🤷

oh 100% Jelly! No doubt about it.

She also doesn't really sound like a nice person to be honest. This is a really happy and exciting time for you. She shoudlnt be bringing you down about it. We are all fully aware of Covid but you can still enjoy yourself and plan ahead for your wedding. Your friends and family will be very happy for you both. Its nice to have something to look forward to.

oh a bit of advise don't make her a bridesmaid

Congratulations and enjoy your wedding planning!

I bet she's fun at parties 🙄 next time she says anything just reply "oh well, you won't mind that I'm not inviting you anymore then"

I think a lot of people find wedding talk very boring and tedious. And it’s a bit of an odd time to be planning a big wedding (in the middle of a pandemic!)

Weddings are full of frivolous fancy luxuries, these days the bride and groom often focus on themselves rather than family and friends (eg spending a fortune on the dress and photographer but skimping on cheap wine or only inviting some people for the evening to save food costs!) Then the hanging around waiting for photos to finish, expecting guests to travel and book hotels, all the fuss over colour schemes and a giant cake and boring speeches.

If she found the conversation boring she would talk about another subject instead of whinging.

She's boring OP, chat to your other friends. (To put it in perspective I'm divorced and not planning to remarry, but still would be happy to chat with an excited friend).

That's not a very good friend. Irrespective of her views on marriage, she shouldn't be such a Debbie Downer on something YOU'RE clearly excited about. Especially given the pandemic and how stressful I imagine you're finding wedding planning anyway.

She is likely jealous, but that's not your problem. The next time she says something negative about weddings, marriage etc just say jokingly, "well, it's a good thing you don't have to do any of this then isn't it. However, I'm really excited and looking forward to it."

And just stop discussing anything wedding related with her. You won't get much help or excitement from her. Definitely don't have her in the wedding party.

Ps: you're not silly for getting excited about it. Getting to declare your love for someone in front of all your friends and family is the best feeling. I'm divorced and still get excited/happy cry at weddings, and would absolutely do it again. Congratulations and good luck x

I think she is the wrong wife for you. Release her from the engagement but get the ring back in case you decide to seek happiness by marrying a nicer person.

Eh? OP isn't marrying her friend, she's marrying the bloke she's engaged to!

Weddings are full of frivolous fancy luxuries, these days the bride and groom often focus on themselves rather than family and friends (eg spending a fortune on the dress and photographer but skimping on cheap wine or only inviting some people for the evening to save food costs!) Then the hanging around waiting for photos to finish, expecting guests to travel and book hotels, all the fuss over colour schemes and a giant cake and boring speeches.

You have no idea if this is what OP is planning. Our wedding certainly wasn't like this.

@2bazookas

I'm getting married next November (hopefully) and my friend is being really negative about it. She's single and we are both 30.

   I think she is the wrong wife for you.   Release her from the engagement but get the ring back  in case you decide to  seek happiness by marrying a nicer person.</div></div>

Weirdest response ever

@RattleOfBars

I think a lot of people find wedding talk very boring and tedious. And it’s a bit of an odd time to be planning a big wedding (in the middle of a pandemic!)

Weddings are full of frivolous fancy luxuries, these days the bride and groom often focus on themselves rather than family and friends (eg spending a fortune on the dress and photographer but skimping on cheap wine or only inviting some people for the evening to save food costs!) Then the hanging around waiting for photos to finish, expecting guests to travel and book hotels, all the fuss over colour schemes and a giant cake and boring speeches.

I agree. So many weddings are like mini dramas. The beach ceremony or the beach walk; the umpteen photographs; the barn venue. How can they enjoy these things or enjoy their day. They appear to be more focused on the impression made later by the oodles of Facebook or Instagram photographs from the “shoot.

OP, it's fine to be excited. Ignore the moaners!

Trying on a close friend's engagement ring isn't odd to me at all! I've tried on both my sister's rings and my best friends. I've had a couple of friends try mine. Also had a work colleague try it on when she was deciding what ring she wanted and liked the same style. I'm amazed people think that's strange!

Anyway yes your friend does sound jealous, but perhaps it comes from a place of fear? That she's going to "lose" you now so to speak? Things will "never be the same" etc. I had a very close friend do this when I was expecting my DC. I'm not justifying it but people do strange things when they're unhappy. If she's not normally a huge arsehole I'd probably let it slide for the most part but if she keeps going on just tell her she's being a misery guts and to pack it in.

She's jealous or unhappy with her own life for sure.
Time to move quietly one with no drama!
Marriage is far more than a piece of paper.. apart from the legal protection it's the most public and important statement of committment.
Have fun planning your wedding.. just make sure you have plan A, B and C in case Covid messes things up!
My DD2 got married last month.. with just 10 of us..in a garden in Scotland after Covid changed everything..and you know what? It was the most beautiful, intimate, relaxed wedding I have ever attended

We are having a big party next September when her brother can come home (hopefully) from Australia!

Covid or not, life can still go ahead :)

You have no idea if this is what OP is planning. Our wedding certainly wasn't like this

Nor was ours. But as you say, we have no idea what sort of wedding OP is planning, only that she’s started planning it very early and friend is reacting negatively to talk of it.

Friend could be jealous but she may just be bored. IME friends planning weddings tend to get very fixated on talking about all the tiny details. From the menu to the rings, outfits, hair, make up, favours, invitations, arrival method, vows, seating plans, flower arrangements, hen do, decor etc. Costs for the hen do, hotels, wedding gifts, guest outfits etc also have a tendency to spiral out of control. Could friend be secretly annoyed at costs eg are you asking her to come on a hen do?

It’s possible OP is planning a very basic, pared down wedding but the fact she’s talking about it to her friend already (and friend is less than enthusiastic), suggests friend finds wedding talk very tedious.

Or she could be envious and feel OP is rubbing it in that’s she’s single.

OP I suggest you share your excitement with other women planning weddings, rather than expecting your friend to share your enthusiasm. Maybe she’s in a place where she simply can’t get enthusiasm over your wedding?

Wow she’s a crap friend! Jealous yes but why show it and bring you down? I’m jealous of lots of things: big houses with pools, exotic holidays, large families, private education, career success, puppies... But I’d never dream of making snide remarks to those of my friends who are lucky enough to have those things.

If your friend can’t be happy for you, or at least pretend she is, to be nice, then avoid her she is not a good friend.