Is my friend jealous

[friendfoe]

I'm getting married next November (hopefully) and my friend is being really negative about it. She's single and we are both 30.

1. She's said my wedding won't go ahead and I'm selfish to be planning a large gathering at the moment

1. Has said 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce anyway

1. Said getting married / having a wedding is self indulgent and if 'people' not specifically me were really in love they wouldn't need a piece of paper to prove it

Is this jealousy or is this what most people really think but are just too polite to say?

@gindinner

I've never asked to try on anyone's engagement ring. Is this an actual thing?

No.

Try on your ring?! Wtaf. That's so weird.
Does she borrow your underwear too?
She sounds bitter and jealous. One less invite I suppose.

Asking to try on your ring is weird af. Coupled with the opening post I'd distance myself. One less invitation to write.

At least you know not to ask her to be your bridesmaid.

She sounds fucking awful. Just lay into whatever plans she makes:

• new car? "What about the planet, you selfish carbon-emitting twat"

-travel plans? "What would Greta say, you air-grabbing twunt"

Etc etc

Yeah, massively jealous.

Cut contact now, before she meets someone and gets engaged as she has MASSIVE BRIDEZILLA written all over her. When her day comes she will be a complete fucking nightmare and you dont want to be in that shit show.

Tell me you havent asked her to be a bridesmaid.

You have, havent you?

And the ring trying on?

I am 47 years old and have seen scores of friends/colleagues/aquaintances get engaged. I have never once seen this happen. Its beyond weird.

I can't see why you would think she might be jealous. She just sounds unpleasant.

I think it odd that she tried on your ring. Why did you let her?

Well she may well be a lesbian and has harboured thoughts about you for years.

Nah! I do not know a single person that has tried on another's engagement ring.

She's really pissed off that you got there before her.

She does sound jealous to be honest. Has she always been like this op or only since you've gotten engaged? If this is recent behaviour I'd suggest next time she says something I'd talk to her and ask her if there's anything wrong? if she's got form for this behaviour then I'd say rethink the friendship. I had a close friend who was very toxic and it took me over ten years to see just how inappropriate and toxic her behaviour was and I ended the friendship and blocked her on everything because the constant drama just got me down. Hopefully your friend isn't like this and might talk to you about it so you can resolve it.

@gindinner

I've never asked to try on anyone's engagement ring. Is this an actual thing?

Not in the USA, it isn't. Never heard of that! It's almost as bad as asking to try one someone's underpants!

She sounds not only jealous, but a bit off the deep end with it. Or she's developed a bit of a thing for your fiancé, which wouldn't be unheard of, but trying to break the two of you up is "way* beyond normal. Won't hurt a thing if you don't let it, and he's trustworthy. But I would cut the connection. Immediately.

she likes your fiance a bit too much, maybe. Or just generally jealous.

Raging jealousy. Single myself and I’d love to be married one day, but when my best friend got engaged, I smiled and congratulated her and was genuinely happy for her that she had found such a lovely man. I think she probably has some insecurities about still being single too.

'Friend'? A friend would be supportive and wouldn't say those things.

I too wondered if your friend might have a thing for your fiance.
Whatever, she needs to manage her jealousy and be outwardly gracious when nice things happen to others.
Oh, and congratulations! I hope you are able to have your lovely wedding.

yeah shes well jell

I would go beyond jealous and say she is being an out and out bitch.

Are you really good friends? I know MN loves to tell people to go NC all the time and I don't like to pile on, but unless you are getting much out of this friendship I would be reconsidering things. A wedding is supposed to be a joyful occasion and good friends should be sharing in your happiness, not bringing you down and shitting all over it.

And, as a side note, I agree with PP's that it's a bit odd to ask to try on your engagement ring. I have never heard of this.

She is envious, not jealous. The ring thing is unbelievable.

If only Diana had listened to such a friend

The responses have made me laugh! I was expecting to be told the total opposite.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I think I would perhaps feel a pang of jealousy if our roles were reversed but I'd never let it show.

Didn't realise the trying on the engagement ring thing was odd!

Of course some people do privately think this. But I don't think an actual friend would say it to someone who is currently planning a wedding. Unless you've been droning on and on about it and she's taking one for the team by not so subtlely letting you know 🤷‍♀️ once less invite to worry about

@gindinner

I've never asked to try on anyone's engagement ring. Is this an actual thing?

My mother asked if she could try on my wedding dress, so I believe this could happen.....

She does sound jealous yes.

She may be really struggling with it but no excuse for being nasty.

Some people are genuinely really quite bored by weddings but you just suck it up if its people you love. Unless you're banging on about it ad nauseam I would she say she's not a good friend.

Ah OP I think she’s desperately sad that you’ve got there and she hasn’t. Understandable for her to feel down about it but she’s being awful for letting it show and especially in such a nasty, joy-sucking way.

What you do next would depend on how good a friend she is otherwise. If this is making you realise that she always rains on your parade then she’s no friend and I would slowly and quietly drop contact.

If this is a one off and she’s usually brilliant then I would bring it up with her - just be honest and say you’re really upset by her reaction as you expected her to be excited and happy for you as a friend. She’ll either need to apologise and change her tune or at least agree to keep her thoughts to herself if you are to remain friends.

Congrats on your engagement, hope you have a really lovely day when the time comes.

Trying on an engagement ring - where I come from it is not unusual for non-engaged girlfriends to do this. The belief behind it is that you put the ring on, twist it three times around your finger and you will be the next one to get engaged!