Is my friend jealous

[friendfoe]

I'm getting married next November (hopefully) and my friend is being really negative about it. She's single and we are both 30.

1. She's said my wedding won't go ahead and I'm selfish to be planning a large gathering at the moment

1. Has said 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce anyway

1. Said getting married / having a wedding is self indulgent and if 'people' not specifically me were really in love they wouldn't need a piece of paper to prove it

Is this jealousy or is this what most people really think but are just too polite to say?

She could be jealous but tbh my first thought was have you been boring her with wedding talk and she's indirectly trying to get you to stop?

I have a friend who is currently buying her first home and I have reached saturation point with her talking about it. I get that she's excited and I'm happy for her but it's driving me mad. I won't say anything rude, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't tempting.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I think I would perhaps feel a pang of jealousy if our roles were reversed but I'd never let it show.
What? You would feel jealous if your friend was getting married and you were single and 30? Whatever for?

If you would feel like that, why are you questioning how she is behaving if you'd expect to feel jealous?

She's probably feeling a bit melhoncoly, op.

@Calmandmeasured1 because a quick pang and then moving on to feeling happy is quite different from being jealous enough to say mean things.

Which is why I thought perhaps everyone actually thinks those thing but doesn't want to say them.

I've purposely not gone on about it because I know it's boring for others.

Well, she’s not saying any lies.....

YABU

@YouShouldLeave

So you think weddings will be banned next winter?

And that if people were really in love they wouldn't need a piece of paper to prove it?

Definitely jealous and most likely having a massive freakout that you are getting married and she doesn't even have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet. You can understand why she would be feeling jealous and having a bit of meltdown- but it doesn't excuse mean comments like the ones she's made. I would avoid discussing wedding stuff with her for now and only discuss if she asks about it and even then, be mindful not to wang on for too long about your plans etc.

Wow. In Love? She has a very naive view of the point of marriage. What a Disney rose tinted view she is weirdly expressing with her disparaging remark. Is she very childish?

She's not jealous, she's envious. But she is being a dick. Obviously we can't say anything about next year with any certainty, but - with the vaccines due to be rolled out etc - I'd be very surprised if your November wedding can't go ahead. The other digs are equally twattish. I'd be rethinking the 'friendship'.

Sounds like someone I knew years ago. Constantly banging on about how she needed no man, never will get married or have kids, marriage is stupid and pointless etc etc.

Then she met a man, suddenly all in love, banging on about how amazing he is, getting engaged, having kids etc.

People like this are jealous of what they don't have and try to tell people they shouldn't want it since the jealous person hasn't got it. If she was in a relationship and close to engagement she wouldn't be acting this way. But she is being pathetic and not a nice person.

Trying on the engagement ring is a tradition where I'm from, you twist it three times and make a wish.

She sounds like a Debbie Downer as my 12 year old would say!

It's quite possible that weddings will be up and running by next november but big ones? I wouldn't like to place a wager tbh.

Either way she is not a good friend and you need to care less about what other people think

Sounds like a crappy friend

Well she's not massively wrong of she thinks this. But she's very unkid to say it. Maybe she is jealous. Maybe she is just tactless? Are you particularly invested in her being jealous?

I kind of agree on her points. The divorce rate is high and you don't need a bit of paper to show love. I do think that weddings will be allowed by this time next year though.

@NeonIcedcoffee I don't feel invested in her being jealous - she has a great job and earns double what I do - I'd love to have that but she's a lot smarter than me. I don't feel envy, more just like 'good for her'.

Divorce rate is high, I wouldn't say it to anyone getting married though but I was thinking maybe all our friends and family are thinking it!

I know marriage is piece of paper but a) I think it's sensible if you have kids and b) I really feel so happy that I will be my DPs wife. Maybe that's a bit silly!

I think assuming jealousy is a bit smug but she is being nasty bitchy and mean.

Jealous, and a little bitter.

Jealous for sure. At least she is only being rude - a friend of mine stopped talking to me when I asked her to be my bridesmaid :) We were friends for 10 years, but the moment I got engaged she just stopped talking to me. Ignoring my calls / messages etc. She didn't even have courage to decline my wedding invitation, she just never replied.

I'm getting married next November (hopefully) and my friend is being really negative about it. She's single and we are both 30.

   I think she is the wrong wife for you.   Release her from the engagement but get the ring back  in case you decide to  seek happiness by marrying a nicer person.

Out of curiosity what is her relationship status? If she’s in a happy relationship and genuinely has no interest in marriage, it could just be her being a cow and genuinely thinking that. If she’s unhappily single then I would say jealous and being a cow.

Doesn't mean jealous. Could just be an anti wedding kinda girl. Or maybe she knows something about your husband to be and ia trying to spare you 😉

It’s a lie anyway, it’s not a worthless “piece of paper“

It’s a legal contract that means you are in a much better position if your partner dies, if you have babies together, if you give up work to look after babies, buy a house together etc etc

The “just a piece if paper” people, do you happily sign or dismiss any other contract as “just a piece of paper”? your tax return? Your work contract? Your rent/home ownership? Thought not

pika it's a pity more people don't understand this, really gets my goat when people bang on about being as good as married, been together 20 years of course i'm protected as a common law spouse, it's total nonsense.