To ask what the position is with taking babies home from hospital?

[scoopingthewater]

Do you need a car seat? What if you don’t drive?

@Porcupineinwaiting

You need a car seat if you are going home by car. We walked home after ds1 was born. They inspected our sling (???) then ratted us out to our community midwife who took dh aside the next day for a bollocking stern word.

I have to say that I would have been mightily unimpressed by this, and anyone who had tried to give either of us a bollocking would have got one straight back. Both barrels.

@rainonarainyday

For some reason in maternity wards you are not allowed to actually carry your baby anywhere. Ridiculous.

Huh? I carried mine everywhere

I got the bus home after both my births. Using a sling and we didn't have a car seat.
No questions asked

They tried to tell me this, but I was walking home with a sling, so a car seat would not have been helpful!

They have no legal right to detain you without a court order, or check your equipment. It is just sexism.

Midwives don’t have the right to detain you. They would be within their rights to call the cops if they believed you were going to endanger your baby by acting illegally but I’m not sure that ever happens.

Wheeling the baby in its pushchair into a black cab is by far the simplest way for a non-driver to cope with occasionally needing a car journey IME. However a couple of black cab rides would probably cost you as much as a cheap car seat.

@rainonarainyday

For some reason in maternity wards you are not allowed to actually carry your baby anywhere. Ridiculous.

I took mine everywhere and hardly put them down. Except when I forlornly hoped to get some sleep

I think it's a reasonable and straight forward question to ask and doesn't need any kind of explanation of circumstances. The main reason people ask about circumstances on a thread like this is so they can decide if the OP is doing things "the right way" and whether or not to berate them for something in true AIBU fashion.

I didn't have car seats, OP. The hospital asked how we were getting home and when we told them (using a car, not ours, that had seats already in it) tried to insist we get the seats up to the ward so they could check them but I told them that was ridiculous and of course we couldn't do that and that was the end of it.

We didn't have a car and didn't plan on getting car seats (tiny flat, no good place to store them). IIRC we managed fine like that until they were (I think) 2.

@sauvignonbonk

Regardless about people’s own experiences there WILL be some women who give birth and choose to walk home with baby in a park or sling because they feel fine, live very close, don’t have a car or whatever. Both my local hospitals have housing estates right next to them so there are many who are literally a stones throw away.

The point is whether staff at the hospital actually have the power to dictate that this isn’t good enough and ‘not allow’ the woman to take home her own healthy baby despite the fact she is finished using their service and resuming normal life outside of the hospital ward. Seems a bit bonkers to me. Obviously a newborn being bundled into a car without a seat is illegal and literally is not ‘allowed’ so that’s a whole different matter.

Definitely agree that it’s just part of the ‘I’m not allowed to’ culture in pregnancy/birth/postnatal where grown women seem to believe healthcare staff have authority and power over them and they have to do as they’re told..

This. (Anecdotally, it appears some (not all) healthcare staff capitalise on this belief, which of course perpetuates it).

I walked home with dc3 in a sling (four hours after the birth), car seat for the other two.

It’s actually turned into a great thread once people stopped popping in just to say they find me annoying! I’ve really enjoyed reading peoples different stories.

@rainonarainyday

For some reason in maternity wards you are not allowed to actually carry your baby anywhere. Ridiculous.

This is true. I was told off.

I think its common sense to have a car seat and someone to drive you home - family member or a taxi! Unless of course you live close to the hospital.

@MummmyDayCareNameChangeAGAIN

I think its common sense to have a car seat and someone to drive you home - family member or a taxi! Unless of course you live close to the hospital.

I don’t think it’s common sense. It depends. I didn’t know anyone who had a car, and nor did we. Why would you get a car seat?

So how are you planning on transporting the baby ?
If it's in a car yes a car seat, if you don't drive I didn't when I had my dc but I got a lift so bought a car seat .
There were many occasions that the baby needed to be transported by car even if I didn't drive . I got a lift / taxi I'm assuming you know some people that drive ? .
I had a colleague who's dw had a baby and was most surprised that he was told to get a car seat for baby . I said well how are planning on getting the baby home . He just thought it would be fine for the mum to hold the baby in the car . I'll drive slowly he said .

I’m sure you put him right with that face and that exact same hectoring I know best tone you managed to achieve here with me

I can’t believe how upset some people are at the idea of not having a car. We didn’t when DS was born and it was no problem, yes in London. If I’d been unable to walk the 10 mins home I’d have got a taxi while DH took DS in the pram.

Eh so you think it's safe to carry a baby in a car ? Ok then .

@CarlottaValdez

I can’t believe how upset some people are at the idea of not having a car. We didn’t when DS was born and it was no problem, yes in London. If I’d been unable to walk the 10 mins home I’d have got a taxi while DH took DS in the pram.

Yes but you have a car seat in a taxi ?

As I said, DS wouldn’t have been in the taxi, he’d have gone home in his pram.

Actually you don’t in a black cab London style islockdownoveryet as pp have explained.

What each and every time @CarlottaValdez you will never ever go in a car with a baby ?
I'm surprised about the black cab rule doesn't seam safe to me .
That's fine if the only time you will get in a car is a black cab .

What a weird thread.

No, a hospital can't legally prevent you from taking your baby home without a car seat if you're not taking them home in a vehicle. But it's understandable that they might be a little wary, given how unusual it must be for new babies to be taken home not in a car. And the more over-zealous ones might, I guess, give the impression that it's literally compulsory.

No, the vast majority of women who have just given birth will not be wanting to walk home from hospital or go on public transport.

Yes, it's a good idea to get a car seat for them anyway, in case you ever need to take them in a vehicle e.g. in an emergency.

I would have thought most of that was pretty obvious and wouldn't need 9 pages of argument and snarkiness tbh.

@lazylinguist

What a weird thread.

No, a hospital can't legally prevent you from taking your baby home without a car seat if you're not taking them home in a vehicle. But it's understandable that they might be a little wary, given how unusual it must be for new babies to be taken home not in a car. And the more over-zealous ones might, I guess, give the impression that it's literally compulsory.

No, the vast majority of women who have just given birth will not be wanting to walk home from hospital or go on public transport.

Yes, it's a good idea to get a car seat for them anyway, in case you ever need to take them in a vehicle e.g. in an emergency.

I would have thought most of that was pretty obvious and wouldn't need 9 pages of argument and snarkiness tbh.

I agree I still don't know how she's planning on getting the baby home . For me I'd just get a bloody car seat or borrow one for when I need it .

What each and every time @CarlottaValdez you will never ever go in a car with a baby?

I thought we were talking about getting home from the hospital? The baby is 6 now and has been in cars yes but he didn’t come home from the hospital in a car.

I agree it doesn’t need snarkiness but unfortunately when people come on with comments like

you are being weirdly awkward in your posts

you're being very spiky

op is being defensive

Rude. People were trying to help

sharing your story would be helpful

you're being rude to posters who have asked questions

what a weird thread

NONE of the above posters have been able to give me examples of this so called horrendous rudeness and defensiveness by the way. And you do get a bit fed up eight pages on of someone just piping up on an interesting thread that they don’t like you. Which is ironic when those posters are the ones saying things like I’ll post where the fuck I want!

I’ve said a few times now it’s a hypothetical question. As it happens we both drive. No great mystery. But I used to live in London and loads of people didn’t.

We left the ward with the baby in a pram, they said the reason that the baby needs to be contained was if there were staff running in the corridors e.g. for a resus call then if you were hit the baby wouldn’t be hurt.
You can do what you like once you’ve left the hospital.