To ask what it's like not to be a worrier

[babysnowman]

I'm a lifelong worrier. If I don't have something to worry about my mind will find something to worry about. I'll imagine all the worst possible outcomes in a situation and convince myself they are likely. It's almost like my mind tricks me into thinking this is a defence mechanism.

I've done cbt etc but the bad habits always creep back in. I know quite a lot of people who are like this too.

Id love to know what it's like not to be a worrier but more importantly, how you keep things in perspective?

I am a planner. No, actually that's not quite right. I can't think of the word. I hope for the best and plan for the worst. The truth is in the middle usually. Mostly things turn out well enough because I have thought in advance about how I will handle anything that could go wrong so that things end up going great. At the very least I imagine my demeanour and approach to clamboring out of whatever mess happens

All my imaginings end with me sorting things out somehow. Even if that's just by me reconsidering whether the thing matters that much to me. If it does matter, exactly what aspect matters and can that be solved another way.

I am terrible worrier

How much do you worriers think about the happy path? Do you imagine that at all? How often do people comment on you smiling at nothing, i.e. in your own thoughts. Happens to me fairly often. I even sometimes prone to laughing out loud (small splutter quickly covered up) as I imagine a likely scenario of silliness transpiring or remember something hilarious.

Wonderful. I used to worry about everything, insomnia, panic attacks found life very stressful.
I’ve got some support and read some wonderful books which have changed my mindset and i feel like a different person

Books that helped me -
Stop worrying and start living
The secret
Good vibes good life

I'm not a worrier. I make the best decisions I can, and I let go of the things I can't control, which for all of us is a LOT. I will not have my life dictated by "what ifs." Life is going to throw at you what it will, so you just have to decide that you will accept what may come and deal with it from there.

Do you think it is worry or anxiety or both OP

I am one of the most laid back people I know and I think it's an innate part of my personality. My DH and all his family - massive worriers. They are wired that way. He is way more sensitive, jumpy and pessimistic than me. They are primed to worry.

I feel I have this part of my brain that is constantly soothing me and reassuring me all will be ok, or just not to panic. From experience it normally all turns out ok. If I ever am worried about something I find it exhausting and get really tired.
I don't get flustered in a crisis or if a plan changes, I just roll with it. 99% of the time it is just staying calm so you can think.

I am however a terrible planner, constantly disorganised and beat myself up for not being that way at times. I feel I drop the ball too many times and feel embarrassed at that. I could do with a bit more worry to keep on the ball!

I never used to worry about anything really when I was younger. Partly youthful over confidence, partly I had so much 'big' stuff happening that (as someone once said to me).I didn't really have the time to worry with the rest of it going on.

As I've got older and certainly in the last 5-7 years I worry constantly. It's bloody exhausting. I feel I'm always on a knife edge of things going wrong/ bad things happening. Even though financially I am much better equipped to deal with anything than I was years ago. Yet then it never worried me at all. I brought up my eldest child on my own for 2 years with no family support and never worried about any of it, just did what I thought was right (no one to ask advice and no internet really back then either!).

Sorry no solution - but I'd love to get back to how I was 20 years ago!

It feels normal.

It's partly due to upbringing, I never had the luxury of worrying about nothing, and learnt the hard way at a very early age that it doesn't change the outcome, it just ruins the present.

Partly personality and adhd. I know I'm good under pressure or in a crisis so I don't concern myself about what will happen if they occur.

I’m almost two extremes. Some things I’m very blasé about and probably don’t worry enough.

Other things I worry an unnecessary amount about. They can be quite random things that’ll wake me up at night etc.

But I’m not in a state of constant worry. I’m generally quite an optimist.

I do worry about some things but not the little stuff that comes with constant anxiety. I did have bad anxiety as a young teen and looking back I was quite unwell. I do recall just being so exhausted by it I just stopped.
I do feel quite strong in my mind now if that makes sense like it’s mine to control and it’s very restful most of the time.
I don’t know if that’s what you are asking I know a friend who suffered very badly with worrying and she sought medication and when she was on it she said “is this what normal life is like” because she said it dialled down the constant stress to a comfortable level.

No solution - just a handhold as I am a massive worrier and also have anxiety. I’ve tried everything too - it’s tough always second guessing myself. :-(

I second the book how To Stop Worrying and Start living by Dale Carnegie. Really helped me though I still mither about things but I am much better than i used to be

I’m definitely not a worrier and wish I could quantify why for you better than I may manage here. I think it comes from the examples set for me, my parents made life seem secure even when bad things happened and I think that’s just carried on. I now believe that one of the most important things I can do for my DC is make them feel secure. So I don’t know if it’s something you can learn or an innate part of you due to your upbringing?

I’m not a worrier but my DH is and I think it’s a case of men are from Mars women from Venus in that i can never really understand the worriers perspective and he can’t understand mine. He thinks about things that could (think disaster scenario) happen if 3 other things were to happen first. It seems to be a case of thinking all the time that does it. I generally don’t overthink a situation and can easily let something go (e.g if someone doesn’t like me, it doesn’t bother me I just move on). These are benefits but a disadvantage is that I can sometimes struggle to relate to people who are worriers and have to be careful not to dismiss their concerns as they are real to them. Interestingly though I did go through a period of having anxiety attacks when in meetings... turns out anxiety hits worrier and non worrier alike.

I don't worry at all - my mum is a constant worrier and it used to do my head in when I was younger, so not sure if it's an in-built personality thing or a reaction to her but either way, I don't really worry at all unless it's something really serious that needs addressing.

I couldn't cope with worrying all the time as it would put my head away and I really feel for those who do worry and can't really control it.

I am too lazy to worry.
My mind is mostly focussed on what’s for breakfast/lunch/tea.
That’s it.
It just doesn’t occur to me to worry about anything else.

I would say that my mind is numb or blank.
Always been this way really.

I'm not a worrier. My internal mantra is "what's the worst that can happen?". The 'worst' has never happened. My son on the other hand worries about everything, and I mean everything. I find it very difficult (as a none worrier) to manage his worries. I think it's largely how you're wired.

I had a boss who always responded to "what's the worst case scenario?" With "Aliens land, take over the planet and eat us all." He was right. Helped to keep things in perspective.

I have observed that people pleasers worry more.

I think because they are trying to control the uncontrollable, i.e. other people's feelings.

I just don't worry. Whatever will be will be is my motto. I'll deal with the outcome when it comes.

I'm the daughter of a worrier there was serious times in my life when I'd need adult advice or even a minor teenage decision everything had to be hide from DM.
I want my DC to know they can come with anything.
She wasted the best years of her life on scenarios that never happened it took over her life depressed her now she's gone what was the point.
I changed to o for an a = warrior even if I fake it.

I not worry free, but I’m not a worrier. I guess around the age of 18 I just stopped caring what others thought. I kind of shook off expectations.

There is a book called ‘The art of not giving a f@#’. That is quite good.

It’s nice tbh.

I have friends who are massive worriers, ruminators and people pleasers and they all spend so much time overthinking and anxious. Worrying about things which may or may not ever happen and things they have very very little control over anyway (such as other peoples emotions or behaviour).

I do worry but it’s very generalised - I worry that the kids are happy and healthy but it’s a hypothetical worry. I certainly don’t feel anxious or scared or spend more than a few minutes exploring the thoughts.

Feelings and thoughts aren’t reality. Worrying isn’t reality. It’s just your brain making shit up basically.
If you can understand / determine which feeling is making you feel anxious you can kind of detach from it and see the feeling for what it is. JUST a feeling. That your brain made up. You can observe the feeling, acknowledge it and let it pass.

I would suggest looking into gratitude, mindfulness, “the inside out” approach.
Read, listen to podcasts, talk, therapy etc

What an unusual question! I am very laid back. My dad is too so genetics I guess. My mum was very pessimistic but I don't think my personality is a reaction to that.

I am generally fairly optimistic, but mostly I am fatalist - I just believe that what will happen will happen and there's no point wasting energy on trying to second guess what that is. Play with the hand you've got not the cards you might draw from the pack.

I think it makes me a happier person. I do care very deeply about the people around me and my work, I can compartmentalise all these things though and not let it interfere with how I deal with stuff.

I do more planning than worrying though, I like to have a loose idea of what I do if... contingencies. Nothing elaborate but at least I do mostly feel prepared. And as PP has said, there is an element of fake it til you make it too, put on an air of confidence and believe in what you are doing.

But mostly genetics. I didn't learn any of this - I don't think.