To ask what it's like not to be a worrier

[babysnowman]

I'm a lifelong worrier. If I don't have something to worry about my mind will find something to worry about. I'll imagine all the worst possible outcomes in a situation and convince myself they are likely. It's almost like my mind tricks me into thinking this is a defence mechanism.

I've done cbt etc but the bad habits always creep back in. I know quite a lot of people who are like this too.

Id love to know what it's like not to be a worrier but more importantly, how you keep things in perspective?

I'm a big worrier. Have diagnosed OCD, anxiety, depression and trichotillomania (hair pulling) and used to self harm. I'm better than I was back in my teens and 20s. I still get intrusive thoughts from OCD which doesn't help. I don't want to go on meds again though, I just felt so numb. DH is awesome and someone who doesn't worry. He keeps me in the present moment when I spiral. I worry about things I can't fix and beat myself up about past stuff. It's exhausting. My mum is worse than me and went through a psychosis. My kid seems anxious at times and I worry its my fault. I just want to be able to switch off.

I'm not a worrier, I'm actually quite positive and laid back

But I've got GAD (diagnosed) and it's an absolute total pain in my ass, because it isn't me, it isn't who I am and it isn't my natural state of being, it just appears out of nowhere and chews me up.

Such a PITA and totally bonkers. Oh well

@Dreamylemon interesting, thanks for replying. Learning to self sooth is a huge skill for a lot of people, I'm glad it's something people can do. Hopefully one day I can figure it out for myself.

I’m a great worrier and take after my late father who was the same. My mother wasn’t and was very pragmatic. I agree it’s tiring and exhausting.

With age though you do worry less about some things, but then on the other hand worry more about others. But perhaps with life experience it does help to balance some worries and some are taken away anyway as you literally don’t have some of the worries you did when younger.

It obviously makes a huge difference being more financially secure.

But once a worrier always a worrier it’s just part of your make up and personality.

Op I grew up in an abusive household, when you’ve experienced that you kinda take other things in your stride. I learned at a very early age to compartmentalise. I literally tell my head not to think about it, and think about something else. I simply don’t focus on it or give it any thought.

I learned that no matter how much I worry I can’t change what is going to happen. But worrying makes it all last so much longer. As does thinking about it after.

So my trick, if it helps, is to force yourself to think about something else. Be very strict. Don’t indulge in it. If your mind starts going there think of something else, something in the news, or a mad thread on here. Anything, but the subject matter that concerns you.

I’m not a worrier. All the awful things that have happened in my life have been totally unpredictable, and worrying wouldn’t have stopped them. I plan for the future and believe that I am, for the most part, in control of what happens in my life. But I don’t see the point in wasting my mental energy worrying about stuff I can’t control. When shit happens, I’ll deal with it then, but life’s too short to live in fear. I do think it’s a personality thing and to some extent I was just born this way.

@Aquamarine1029

I'm not a worrier. I make the best decisions I can, and I let go of the things I can't control, which for all of us is a LOT. I will not have my life dictated by "what ifs." Life is going to throw at you what it will, so you just have to decide that you will accept what may come and deal with it from there.

I will not have my life dictated by "what ifs."

Especially this part.

@friendlycat I am sorry you think that once a worrier, always a worrier. I am happy to say that I don’t believe that needs to be the case. I descend from a long line of worriers on both sides and was a chronic perfectionist worrier for most of my life and ended up having a bit of a breakdown and terrible insomnia.

After a lot of techniques to try and control my thoughts and rationalise them , I came across the inside out understanding. No technique, just seeing that we are not our thoughts. Over a relatively short time, everything fell away. I have seen so many people with severe anxiety, OCD and depression recover like me.

Believe you can because if I could, so could anyone.

Much love to everyone x

As a non-worrier with friends who are worriers, I would say it's peaceful.

I do think about things, enough to have a contingency plan ready in case of the unexpected in a Girl Guide 'be prepared' sort of way, so that feels constructive, but beyond that, the 'what ifs' don't trouble me at all.

If something bad happens, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it; if it doesn't happen, then it would have been a terrible waste of peacefulness, spending time worrying about it!

One thing I struggle with is the idea that somehow worrying about something will prevent it happening. Almost as if there is work in the worry and it somehow builds up credit to stop the thing I fear actually happening.
I know in my rational mind that makes no sense but can't shake it !

@flapjackfairy how about looking for evidence where worrying about something didn’t prevent it from happening and conversely, not worrying about something didn’t bring about it happening after all. Try hard as there will be examples of both. Once you start seeing these possibilities, you might then be able to see that worry is just a thought and not a reality. No need to do anything, just understanding this sows the seed of it unraveling.

I don't worry about anything. I stay almost entirely in the moment.

I am not a worrier. I expect nothing and I place no value on 'perfect' and 'dream house/car/whatever'. I have adequate food and shelter - anything else is a bonus to me. I can make ends meet. OK, the ends do not overlap but they meet. Again, anything else is a bonus.

I do not worry about what other people think of me. I am clean. I am polite. I try to be kind. If someone looks at me and thinks 'OMG, look at that jumper she's got on' or 'Urrgh, she's got a zit' then quite frankly, they are not the sort of person whose opinions I am particularly interested in. Why on earth would you want to please someone who thinks that way?

Yes, bad things happen. Why waste time worrying about it though? All that does is spoil the present. People do get ill. They die. That is a fact of life and there is nothing we can do to change this. So why fill the finite time we have with our loved ones with worries and negativity?

So many interesting responses here! Thank you all for sharing. The inside out method has come up a few times so will be ordering the book

It's in your genes, hereditary. I'm a worrier too
I don't think it is in your genes. I think it is a mixture of anxiety and learnt behaviour as it can and has been changed for many.
I was a worrier pre DC but the want to show them I'm strong from my childhood outweighs my worrying.

@babysnowman

So many interesting responses here! Thank you all for sharing. The inside out method has come up a few times so will be ordering the book

Which book op? I think I'd benefit too.

I think it's the Inside Out Revolution by Michael Neill

@babysnowman that is a great book. There are loads of books with a similar theme but different styles. Google three principles and see what comes up. There are loads of videos as well.

Big names: Michael Neill, Bill Pettit, Amy Johnson, George Pransky, Nicola Bird

I am a dreadful worrier. I fear that if I take my eye off the ball for a minute, and stop worrying, then there will be a disaster because I’ve stuck my head in the sand. This is probably because I experienced tragedy at two happy times in my life, when I wasn’t worrying.

I worry too, about everything. Health, family members health, finances, work, worrying about what to say to people on the phone, life in general. Despite it all being currently fine and nothing to worry about really. It's worse when I'm on my own in the evening, sometimes I work myself into an hysterical frenzy.

The only time I'm not worrying is on Friday and Saturday nights when I turn to the Rum, valium in a bottle

Take anxiety medication and find out?

The most worrying times, are when I’ve got nothing to worry about. That’s when I just know that the rug will be pulled from under me.

Thank you @babysnowman

@HuntingtonHaven18 thank you x